The science of attraction

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Here’s an example: Have you ever found yourself irresistably attracted to someone else, even though at first you may not have found them physically attractive, emotionally attractive, etc.? I suspect such cases are due to the pheremonic nature of attraction, along with the way our brains are wired to seek mates that are the most genetically suitable for us (and who are fertile).

Does anyone have any scientific explanation for how such situations occur? I’m fascinated by the science behind our attractions, since it helps explain seemingly strange romantic pairings.

P.S.: How many of you, upon finding yourself attracted to your current spouse/fiancee/boyfriend/girlfriend, experienced the situation that I mentioned above?
 
This is the most simple I can describe it: I’ve always considered attraction to be based on energy - i.e. having the same energy levels as you, which is where the strange wave connection and attraction comes in, as we are all so different and to find someone of the same energy “wave length” can be so rare. But I think it’s so subtle that not even science has the eye to describe and explain it.

This irresistible attraction you are referring to, though - would be referred to as extreme chemistry I’d say.

I have a question for you though: Considering for some people how rare it can be - how important do you think it is in choosing a mate? After all, we could wait forever.
 
Hmmm. I’m not so sure. If it were only pheromones, why would it work over the internet? While I’m sympathetic to the “energy level” description, it is too vague to mean anything. You can’t prove or disprove what you have not defined.

Perhaps we can only be attracted to what we really like, not what we’d like to think we like. I think we don’t know our own minds, and more to the point we have this false self we like to think we are, because that “mythology” appeals to our vanity, and we do not realize how totally disconnected our false self is from how we really operate.

When we’re consciously looking for someone, we look for what we what to think we like, because those likes and dislikes fit the kind of person we imagine ourselves to be. When we get caught not “consciously” looking, then all of the autonomic mechanics of attraction kick in, from pheromones to body language to similarity imprinting from beloved people in our past and who knows what else. Some of that would have to do with “hardwired” biology related to fertility, some with prior experience that we put together unconsciously, some with emotional needs we may or may not be aware of. Before we know it, we are naturally attracted, rather than artificially attracted in the way we had foreseen we would have been.
 
In outline…an excerpt…but Blessed Pope John Paul II’s Love and Responsibility (written in 1960 as Father Carol Wojtyla)…has the best insight…truth of the human person. Read it to get the Truth answers…and precise words of JP-II…it is incredible…he has this “stuff down cold”…this one man wrote more on the human person…love and relationships…more than all the Church had produced in nearly 2000 years of its history.
Pax Christi
KAROL WOJTYLA’S LOVE AND RESPONSIBILITY: A PRECIS
Dr Gareth Leyshon. October/November 2002, Updated July 2004
This document is a very brief summary of Karol Wojtyla’s Love And Responsibility
Click to expand...

2.1 What is love? (things we call “love”)
(i) Worthy Christian decisions of the will
Loving attraction: I understand the good in N, and I choose to draw close to this good.
Loving desire (personalistic): I want N, because N (body and spirit) is good for me.
Goodwill: I want to do good for N.
Comradeship: N and I want to work together for the same goal.
Betrothed love: I want to surrender myself totally to N.
Click to expand...
(ii) Unworthy decisions of the will
Desire (utilitarian): I want N’s body to pleasure me.
Click to expand...
(iii) Amoral Affective Responses
Emotional attraction: I feel good when I see N.
Sympathy: I feel close to N when I become aware of N’s needs and emotions.
Click to expand...


2.2 How do we love?
Click to expand...
Sensuality is a** mental and physiological response to the corporeal body** which is objectively present, especially in men, which fails to respect the inner nature of the person beheld.
Click to expand...
**Sentiment is an emotional response to the whole person **which seems to be (is subjectively) present, especially in women, which is biased by an idealised rather than a true knowledge of the person beheld.
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In the light of this,** lovers must be careful to make a true appraisal of the whole person of their beloveds. First, lovers must discover the truth about those they love. Only then can they properly exercise their free-will to make the free gift of a loving commitment to another person**.
drgareth.info/LRsum.pdf
Click to expand...

Another summary…
KAROL WOJTYLA’S LOVE AND RESPONSIBILITY:
A SUMMARY
William E. May
christendom-awake.org/pages/may/summaryofl&r.htm
 
LotusCarsLtd said:
Here’s an example: Have you ever found yourself irresistably attracted to someone else, even though at first you may not have found them physically attractive, emotionally attractive, etc.? I suspect such cases are due to the pheremonic nature of attraction, along with the way our brains are wired to seek mates that are the most genetically suitable for us (and who are fertile).

Does anyone have any scientific explanation for how such situations occur? I’m fascinated by the science behind our attractions, since it helps explain seemingly strange romantic pairings.

P.S.: How many of you, upon finding yourself attracted to your current spouse/fiancee/boyfriend/girlfriend, experienced the situation that I mentioned above?
Click to expand...
Yup, sounds like pheromones to me! 😉

Also, have you ever heard of Kirlian photography? This kind of reminds me for some reason of the Kirlian “kissing experiment.” kirlian.org/kirlian2.htm

I know it’s kind of controversial in the science world, but I still find it very fascinating.
 
I think attraction is a split second decision, just like a first impression. It can be changed, but for the most part is not.

After that initial decision we continue to process leading to emotional and energy levels. This would explain how internet dating would work.
 
peacoat said:
I think attraction is a split second decision, just like a first impression. It can be changed, but for the most part is not.

After that initial decision we continue to process leading to emotional and energy levels. This would explain how internet dating would work.
Click to expand...
There are different types of attraction. It depends on which kind you are referring to…?
 
LotusCarsLtd said:
Here’s an example: Have you ever found yourself irresistably attracted to someone else, even though at first you may not have found them physically attractive, emotionally attractive, etc.? I suspect such cases are due to the pheremonic nature of attraction, along with the way our brains are wired to seek mates that are the most genetically suitable for us (and who are fertile).

Does anyone have any scientific explanation for how such situations occur? I’m fascinated by the science behind our attractions, since it helps explain seemingly strange romantic pairings.

P.S.: How many of you, upon finding yourself attracted to your current spouse/fiancee/boyfriend/girlfriend, experienced the situation that I mentioned above?
Click to expand...
If you figure it out let me know…lol :rolleyes:
 
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