The Shared Responsibility of NFP

[misspriss]

So, theoretically she could even test in the afternoon, as long as it’s been 4 hours? That sounds cool!

Not really, estrogen is highest in the AM. So to pick it up, AM urine is needed.

To the OP: yeah, it’s expensive. That’s one of the reasons I no longer use it. Totally understand.

 

[Xantippe]

Ophelia23 said:

“We recently transitioned to a one-income lifestyle and are incredibly strapped, and the test strips were just costing too much money. Especially when we can track my cycle for free with the method we are already familiar with.”

Have you mentioned that to your husband? It sounds like there’s a trade-off here between spending more money on the strips/more sex and spending less money/less sex.

It might help him if he understood that you guys do potentially have more control over the situation than he realizes and you do have viable options: 1) wean or 2) find the money for strips. Would you be up to doing a little work at home (for instance babysitting?). Of course, it might be that if you had the extra money, you would prefer to use it on something else (for instance food). I understand that the problem with option #1 is that you’ll have to pay for formula (unless things have gotten really dire and you qualify for WIC), but I would lay these options out to your husband and ask what he thinks.

Unfortunately, if he’s in sales, the worse he feels, the worse his sales are going to be, and the worse he’s going to feel, etc.

Good luck!

 

[Ophelia23]

Ophelia23 said:

“We recently transitioned to a one-income lifestyle and are incredibly strapped, and the test strips were just costing too much money. Especially when we can track my cycle for free with the method we are already familiar with.”

Have you mentioned that to your husband? It sounds like there’s a trade-off here between spending more money on the strips/more sex and spending less money/less sex.

It might help him if he understood that you guys do potentially have more control over the situation than he realizes and you do have viable options: 1) wean or 2) find the money for strips. Would you be up to doing a little work at home (for instance babysitting?). Of course, it might be that if you had the extra money, you would prefer to use it on something else (for instance food). I understand that the problem with option #1 is that you’ll have to pay for formula (unless things have gotten really dire and you qualify for WIC), but I would lay these options out to your husband and ask what he thinks.

Unfortunately, if he’s in sales, the worse he feels, the worse his sales are going to be, and the worse he’s going to feel, etc.

Good luck!

Thank you for your well wishes!

Weaning is not on the table. Maybe it is unfair of me–although I hope it is not unfair–but I am not willing to make that change. That is an area that we both consider unmovable, so we will continue to work within the parameter of breastfeeding.

Again, thank you for the well wishes and all of the great advice! I am on the hunt for part-time work to help bring in some income to the family. Keep us in your prayers, and you are in ours.

 

[Lorelei12]

We have tried the Marquette method and I personally really liked it. As someone else mentioned, it’s easy to forget to take your temperature in the morning but it’s not nearly as easy to forget to use the bathroom! We recently transitioned to a one-income lifestyle and are incredibly strapped, and the test strips were just costing too much money. Especially when we can track my cycle for free with the method we are already familiar with.

This may or may not help you, but I got my test sticks completely free. I have a credit card that allows you to use points to pay for things on Amazon- I’d use the credit card for groceries, clothing, home supplies, etc., and then would have enough points to buy a box of test sticks which would last 2-3 months depending on my cycle. Used Marquette for about 2 years, and hardly ever paid for them out of pocket. They are definitely expensive, but if you used it before and still have the monitor, you might be able to arrange something like this so the cost is basically nothing.

 

[Maine52]

My wife and I have exactly the same issues as the original poster (two kids, 3 and 1, another on the way). I have said and thought things I shouldn’t, we fail to understand each other’s needs or state of mind, our beloved children and our fertility seem like millstones around our relationship’s neck. I was listening to Taylor Marshall recently, and he reminded me about something very important: marriage is a sacrament, and sacraments give grace. NFP is no cake-walk with kids and urges, and it hasn’t turned our marriage into a bed of roses (though it was an amazing source of grace when we first adopted it). But reading Simcha Fischer’s hilarious and honest Sinner’s Guide to NFP taught us that we needed to communicate, to understand each other, to co-operate, and (especially in my case as a man) to master my appetites in the name of love. We are not all the way there yet, but we have been through a very trying emotional time and in my case I have received a lot of grace.

If a wife isn’t yet biologically ready to feel desire again, their intimacy will be depressing for both of them. Being in the midst of kids waking up early and breastfeeding really kills the passions that drove baby-making in the first place. A husband may have to learn this the hard way after making both he and his beloved miserable. Don’t judge us men too harshly! Pray for us.

Men should take up as much responsibility as they feasibly can, which really means giving reminders and helping to interpret the charts. We were useless with the temp charting, I said I would get her on a daily temp check schedule but I forgot the same as her. It is difficult with irregular child wakings, breastfeeding, sleeping in, work schedules etc.

I’m sorry if I sounded judgmental. It’s just that the way the OP’s husband is talking to her reminds me too much of the way I heard my father talk to my mother for 24 years. My mother ended up having a slew of emotional/psychological problems, and it was very difficult for me to watch as a child.

Please forgive me for my comment.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Not really, estrogen is highest in the AM. So to pick it up, AM urine is needed.

To the OP: yeah, it’s expensive. That’s one of the reasons I no longer use it. Totally understand.

Thanks for the info!

 

[Galbin]

You do realize that sexual intercourse requires a sharing of bodily fluids, and that your bodily fluids would be deposited in your wife’s body, and then it would become her hygiene challenge? The least a husband could do is be an active participant in NFP, considering what wives get to deal with post-coitus, and considering the fact that most wives handle that hygiene challenge with grace and love for their husbands.

Amen!