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Epistemes
Guest
I just got off the phone with Natalie Smith, founder of Vocations Placement, and now I just feel like crying. 
You see, I put my application into Vocations Placement a couple of months ago stating that I am interested in pursuing a call to religious life. I donāt know if I do have an honest call to religious life, but it does appeal to me, and I canāt help but think that I have certain gifts which might benefit a certain community. I, at times, also long for the companionship of a very faithful woman. In fact, thereās a couple of girls at my parish who I believe to be very good Catholics, and I find myself thinking, āIād like a good Catholic girlfriend like that.ā Iām rather ambivalent about what my vocation is because I truly donāt know.
Natalie gave me some *very *good advice ā such as being able to discern your vocation by recognizing when a certain woman or community effects grace and conversion within you, living life one day at a time, love oneās self in order to best love Jesus and others, and allowing the Holy Spirit to lead you. I am living one day at a time, I try to let the Holy Spirit lead me, but day after day I wind up nowhere. Iām not in the same place where I was, but neither am I happy or at peace with where Iām at.
And I might as well fall down and begin worshipping Mammon, because my financial situation has ***so ***much control over what Iām able to do or commit to. Iāve got a car loan which Iām trying to pay down over the course of the next five years, Iāve got credit card debt which I need to pay down over the course of the next six years, and right now I donāt even know if Iām going to be employed at yearās end.
I feel so conflicted within myself right now that I just want to breakdown and cry. I donāt know why Iām being taunted by thoughts of a vocation to religious life or marriage when I donāt have the time or money to even consider either one of those options. I just fear that Iām going to continue being a lonely, bitter, confused almost-30 male wandering aimlessly in this world performing odd jobs in order to earn another paycheck just to have it wasted by weekās end anyway.

Blessed Mother, pray for me.
St. Gemma, pray for me.
You see, I put my application into Vocations Placement a couple of months ago stating that I am interested in pursuing a call to religious life. I donāt know if I do have an honest call to religious life, but it does appeal to me, and I canāt help but think that I have certain gifts which might benefit a certain community. I, at times, also long for the companionship of a very faithful woman. In fact, thereās a couple of girls at my parish who I believe to be very good Catholics, and I find myself thinking, āIād like a good Catholic girlfriend like that.ā Iām rather ambivalent about what my vocation is because I truly donāt know.
Natalie gave me some *very *good advice ā such as being able to discern your vocation by recognizing when a certain woman or community effects grace and conversion within you, living life one day at a time, love oneās self in order to best love Jesus and others, and allowing the Holy Spirit to lead you. I am living one day at a time, I try to let the Holy Spirit lead me, but day after day I wind up nowhere. Iām not in the same place where I was, but neither am I happy or at peace with where Iām at.
And I might as well fall down and begin worshipping Mammon, because my financial situation has ***so ***much control over what Iām able to do or commit to. Iāve got a car loan which Iām trying to pay down over the course of the next five years, Iāve got credit card debt which I need to pay down over the course of the next six years, and right now I donāt even know if Iām going to be employed at yearās end.
I feel so conflicted within myself right now that I just want to breakdown and cry. I donāt know why Iām being taunted by thoughts of a vocation to religious life or marriage when I donāt have the time or money to even consider either one of those options. I just fear that Iām going to continue being a lonely, bitter, confused almost-30 male wandering aimlessly in this world performing odd jobs in order to earn another paycheck just to have it wasted by weekās end anyway.
Blessed Mother, pray for me.
St. Gemma, pray for me.