The vanishing male

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I’m not a parent, so my opinion is tainted a bit, but I think spanking causes more issaues than it cures. It might show the child (male or female) that violence can solve problems.
 
deepsouthpapist said:
Okay so here is an example of the difference that I am referring to with regards to raising boys.

Boy acts out in some fashion at school, say uses bad language towards another classmate. He isn’t real old but old enough to know better. To discipline the child, here are your choices:

A. Explain why the behavior is bad. Tell the son your family doesn’t use that kind of language and it could hurt other people’s feelings.Tell the son not to do it again, have him read an applicable Bible verse, make him apologize to the friend.

B. Spank the child, drive him the friend’s house and make him apologize. Never speak another word about it. Explain nothing.

One way is clearly more feminine and the other way is clearly more masculine. Argue that point if you must but you’ll miss the bigger point I am making. The first example is how the whole of society operates now. It has been feminized. We must explain, we must not hurt other people’s feelings, everyone can be right, we just do it differently. Everything is a “teachable” moment and we must encourage. We over do it. This idea translates into other areas of society as well, even in federal foreign relations with countries like Iran.

A little more than a generation ago, choice A would have been an inexcusable way to teach a child. Right and wrong was black and white and no explanation was necessary. Consequences for wrong behavior was immediate. Even though I can feel right now most of the women and some of the men are gasping at the thought of treating a child as in choice B, people of that generation weren’t harmed by the actions and most grew to adulthood with a profound sense of right and wrong. No teachable moments, no explanation and no second thought. I am not suggesting that we should go back to the days of yesteryear and I know that generation wasn’t perfect either.

But with the new paradigm where society is feminized and in my view, weakened, we allow other views contrary to our own far too often. We explain why the neighbors “choice” to be homosexual is right for them but not for us. When we should simply state, the choice they are making is wrong and it should never under any circumstances be the choice anyone makes, in our family or outside of it. Period. That is just ONE example of many, so don’t send me email and tell me I don’t like homosexuals. I don’t dislike anyone but there is a RIGHT and a WRONG in most situations.

Bottom line, men seem to “get” teaching right from wrong and intuitively understand there is little need for explanation, particularly for a child. The child will get it through his father’s example.
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Honestly? If he used bad language at school, I would assume it is because he heard it at home first, especially if he is around six years old or so. I can remember a six year old classmate of my son gleefully and repeatedly shouting out the F word in the school yard, and his dad was equally gleefully laughing and didn’t do a thing, because he didn’t care.

Honestly, I think it is ignoring the human dignity of my kids if I smacked them with no explanation, much in the way that men smacked their wives in the Good Old Days. Oh yes, things weren’t always so wonderful for everyone way back then.
 
I think the OP is really reaching.

My suggestion is that the OP and others who are interested find a copy of Dr. James Dobson’s Bringing Up Boys.

Dr. Dobson is very much in favor of bringing up masculine boys, and he DOES advocate spanking for toddlers and young children.

The book provides a balanced approach, a REALISTIC approach, to bringing up boys. It shows parents how to raise a masculine boy without creating a macho pig.

And it’s very funny! Dr. Dobson describes all kinds of hilarious incidents from his own childhood (he was boy once!) and from others (he has been in practice as a child psychologist for several decades).

I was not Catholic when I read it, so I can’t tell you if it is consistent with Catholic teachings. Dr. Dobson comes from an evangelical background. However, I have never heard him say or promote anything anti-Catholics, and his pro-life work brings him into regular contact with Catholics, so I doubt you will find anything disturbing in Bringing Up Boys.

The only think I can think of that might upset some Catholic parents is Dr. Dobson’s assertation (which I still believe wholeheartedly even as a Catholic!) that very young children, including toddlers, have a SIN NATURE and are very capable of commiting sins of wilful defiance against their parents and other authority figures. I’ve read enough on this board to know that many Catholics don’t seem to believe that little ones are capable of sinning until they are around seven years old. From what I can gather, many of these parents believe that the little ones are merely expressing their “needs” through their defiant acts. I disagree so strongly with this, based on personal experience and based on Dr. Dobson’s point of view. But if you believe that little ones cannot sin, then Dr. Dobson will offend you and I would recommend avoiding his books.
 
chevalier said:
Spanking breeds the, “why should I even submit to that?” question in an older child that’s capable of putting up some defence. Besides, in case it’s meted out in error, it probably does more harm than an incorrect timeout, candy deprivation, curfew, offline period or something of the kind. The worst that can be done is parents beating children until they own up to something they deny having done. Imagine how it feels when it turns out the kid really didn’t do it. The best kind of punishment is probably somethinh restitutional (with a little extra).
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THis reminds me of when I was 5 or 6, my dad was upstairs doing the dishes, and I was down in the basement, where the stereo was. The stereo I wasn’t supposed to fool around with, which was playing a record at the time.

Well, for some reason I just went over and started fooling around with the knobs. (I have no idea why, I knew the rule, I just did it without even a purpose in mind) and of course my dad noticed the difference in the sound and came running down, and he spanked me. He was mad. It made me mad that he spanked me.

When we went up a minute later, it turned out he had left the sink water running and the whole kitchen floor was covered with water and suds. I remember thinking “God did this to him to punish him for spanking me.”

I’m not sure what that says about spanking, but I think it wasn’t the effect he had intended!
 
deepsouthpapist said:
I have a disdain for the way I see society treating our boys. I won’t apologize for that. What you are reading is frustration. I consider myself an active father and I am trying to raise my son with some self respect and that’s hard to do in a female dominated squishy, let’s talk it out kinda world. Nope. Won’t apologize.
Little boys need male heroes, ones that are called on to save the day, not only physically but emotionally as well. They need to be taught to be relied upon when the chips are down when they grow up. This happens through dad’s letting boys make mistakes when they are young when consequences are low. By letting the boy ride a bike without five layers of clothes and $60.00 helmet. They need to be taught a type of courage and strength that will allow them to lead their own families one day, most importantly leading them to Christ. They need to have the type of inner core that helps them understand that they may be asked to lay down their own life for their families one day if necessary. They must have the courage to do so without flinching. They need to be able to teach that inner strength to the next generation when they grow up.
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Right on! I agree with you 100%. Most of our problems with boys stem from “Dads” who are not there, either physically or mentally. Look at the woes of the Black community. Thousands of black boys being raised by “baby-mommas” with only spoiled,egotistic, twisted “sports heroes” as role models. Where are the strong black fathers? The white boys fare little better. They have few role models either. Both are being ruined by an increasingly feminized society. Sad.
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It’s the western culture that’s to blame on the matter. We had too much leaning towards the feminism movement in the 60’s, we are now paying for it. You should see the shambles that exist on the dating scene these days, unless they can control and dominate you, they want nothing to do with you, unless they can rope you into having a few kids with them, just so they can divorce you to collect child support, they want nothing to do with you, literally, it’s reached that point where if you are a woman and not collecting child support, there is something wrong with you, religion or no religion, it’s just that way, and any flimsy excuse to divorce is readily accepted. This newest generation, by default are literally looking for their “1st” husband, like there will be others to come afterwards, it’s literally a fiscal boost in their minds, they will after their first now have spouse support for additional income so that they can boost their careers forward.

You may think this perspective is psynical, it’s really not. Each generation teaches the next along proper behavior, it started with the 60’s, where they threw away traditional values, once that was set in motion, all others that followed used them as an example, ie. their parents did this or that, this is the way it is supposed to be. At the same time, it only takes one generation to correct it, the question is, which one will it be, or will this continue to degrade to the point it turns into complete disaster.
 
From me, a woman,… women are a liberalizing force and I look at women leaders with suspicion until I see that they may be orthodox. Men have a natural role as providers, leaders, etc. Let’s be supportive of our God-given roles and not try to impose disorder.
 
Question: Why do guys pee off the porch?

Scroll down

wait for it.

Answer: Because they can!!!
 
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