They don't call me Sassy for nothing

[1990Domer]

My Twitter handle is 90Domer, like it used to be here, and I’m known as Sassy Sandy on football weekends. There is one TV in our house and it is all mine on Saturdays.

That aside, I received an e-mail from my archdiocese thanking me for supporting our Catholic schools (I went through safe environment training). Full stop. I was thinking about my upcoming talk on–essentially–bullying of kids with invisible disabilities, which is especially prevelant in our Catholic schools. I called the office of education and told them that I think they needed to expand their safe kid training to include bullying, as it is far more prevelant and equally traumatizing. I doubt they will call me back, but I told them about my talk, where it would be, and why it came about. It somehow made me feel better for me to tell them their safe environment isn’t so safe when the schools and the associated organizations tolerate bullies (no discipline whatsoever in my son’s case). It was as though he was a leper because he had Aspergers.

Very sad day for me today. But thank you if you respond with any more ideas about my talk: Showing God’s love and compassion to children with invisible disabilities.

 

[underacloud]

1990Domer,

I have one idea, or comment, regarding your talk. I have followed your other threads and seen some progression of thought, but it stikes me that consideration needs to be given as to how to pitch the talk; what is the overall tone?

In your post here you’ve described your talk in two different ways:

…my upcoming talk on–essentially–bullying of kids with invisible disabilities…

…my talk: Showing God’s love and compassion to children with invisible disabilities.

I say they are different not because they are unrelated, but because the emphasis is very different. If you give a talk to school teachers and other educators and support staff about how they’ve been allowing bullying in their schools, they will become defensive and switch off. If you give a talk about the need to focus on better intergration of special needs children into mainstream school life, they are more likely to listen. It’s essentially a matter of tone.

I’d suggest using the term bullying as little as possible in your talk. Any time you want to say the word bullying, think about another way to describe the problem, eg “social isolation”. It describes the issue more precisely and is less accusing.

 

[1990Domer]

1990Domer,

I have one idea, or comment, regarding your talk. I have followed your other threads and seen some progression of thought, but it stikes me that consideration needs to be given as to how to pitch the talk; what is the overall tone?

In your post here you’ve described your talk in two different ways:

I say they are different not because they are unrelated, but because the emphasis is very different. If you give a talk to school teachers and other educators and support staff about how they’ve been allowing bullying in their schools, they will become defensive and switch off. If you give a talk about the need to focus on better intergration of special needs children into mainstream school life, they are more likely to listen. It’s essentially a matter of tone.

I’d suggest using the term bullying as little as possible in your talk. Any time you want to say the word bullying, think about another way to describe the problem, eg “social isolation”. It describes the issue more precisely and is less accusing.

I totally agree! When I am posting in a forum, I try to simplify so long posts aren’t created…but then this happens. Bullying is not mentioned once. Lack of compasssion or just lack of beining on the receiving end of kind acts combined with isolation, and the feelings it creates in those not receiving it, is paramount in my talk. You are 100% correct. I even think bullying is a loaded word. From the various sources I have read and people I talked to, the lack of friendship and unkind acts were huge. The biggest, interestingly enough, was the rejection of the lack of friendship the student want to give another. Also very sad. Apparently the “kids will be kids” is a way of hand waving the problem.

Thank you for your post!

 

[EasterJoy]

My Twitter handle is 90Domer, like it used to be here, and I’m known as Sassy Sandy on football weekends. There is one TV in our house and it is all mine on Saturdays.

That aside, I received an e-mail from my archdiocese thanking me for supporting our Catholic schools (I went through safe environment training). Full stop. I was thinking about my upcoming talk on–essentially–bullying of kids with invisible disabilities, which is especially prevelant in our Catholic schools. I called the office of education and told them that I think they needed to expand their safe kid training to include bullying, as it is far more prevelant and equally traumatizing. I doubt they will call me back, but I told them about my talk, where it would be, and why it came about. It somehow made me feel better for me to tell them their safe environment isn’t so safe when the schools and the associated organizations tolerate bullies (no discipline whatsoever in my son’s case). It was as though he was a leper because he had Aspergers.

Very sad day for me today. But thank you if you respond with any more ideas about my talk: Showing God’s love and compassion to children with invisible disabilities.

Our safe-environment update unit was on bullying this year. The emphasis was on stopping it from happening by being vigilant, especially on behalf of the student population that is particularly vulnerable.

The problem, however, is that bullying is not considered bullying unless it is intentionally malicious. A lot of teasing that is very harmful is not meant to be harmful. Sometimes, it is even meant as a form of inclusiveness–“we only insult each other, our buddies.” When one of the group is at a big disadvantage with regards to trading these jibes, though, it isn’t inclusive and it isn’t funny. Someone is just singled out to be the goat for the group. Sometimes, too, someone who is emotionally clumsy isn’t malicious but can do the same damage as someone who intends to do harm. Students need to understand how bad this feels–that is, that their intention is and what their “target” feels aren’t the same thing. That is part of the process of emotional maturation.

 

[underacloud]

I totally agree! When I am posting in a forum, I try to simplify so long posts aren’t created…but then this happens. Bullying is not mentioned once. Lack of compasssion or just lack of beining on the receiving end of kind acts combined with isolation, and the feelings it creates in those not receiving it, is paramount in my talk. You are 100% correct. I even think bullying is a loaded word. From the various sources I have read and people I talked to, the lack of friendship and unkind acts were huge. The biggest, interestingly enough, was the rejection of the lack of friendship the student want to give another. Also very sad. Apparently the “kids will be kids” is a way of hand waving the problem.

Thank you for your post!

Thanks for clarifying. Sounds good.

I agree that bullying is a loaded word. And often the social isolation of special needs children has nothing to do with bullying behaviour at all. I have two children on the spectrum and can attest that they are quite capable of socially isolating themselves, without any hint of bullying from those around them. And then sometimes kids on the spectrum can themselves come across as bullies (or just rude), because they may lack social awareness and not properly filter their thoughts before expressing them.

It’s a confusing world for these kids. I hope your talk is a success.

 

[1990Domer]

Our safe-environment update unit was on bullying this year. The emphasis was on stopping it from happening by being vigilant, especially on behalf of the student population that is particularly vulnerable.

The problem, however, is that bullying is not considered bullying unless it is intentionally malicious. A lot of teasing that is very harmful is not meant to be harmful. Sometimes, it is even meant as a form of inclusiveness–“we only insult each other, our buddies.” When one of the group is at a big disadvantage with regards to trading these jibes, though, it isn’t inclusive and it isn’t funny. Someone is just singled out to be the goat for the group. Sometimes, too, someone who is emotionally clumsy isn’t malicious but can do the same damage as someone who intends to do harm. Students need to understand how bad this feels–that is, that their intention is and what their “target” feels aren’t the same thing. That is part of the process of emotional maturation.

Wow, EasterJoy, this is wonderful. I called our archdiocese hoping for the same thing. I agree that some kids mean it to be inclusive. We explain before DS even stepped foot into school, that he had social skills problems and that we were willing to provide help for him during school hours. In his case, rumors were going around that he was homosexual (he’s discerning a vocation, but there were other rumors) and nobody in his class would associate with him. He was taking lunch, recess, art and music by himself. There were very few acts of kindness towards him. All this was documented when it happened. Chris was coached that if said something emotionally wrong, that he had Aspergers Syndrome, he didn’t mean it as it came out and he quickly apologized. Even today, he must apologize 40 times a day because he doesn’t know if he is offending me or my DH (or grandparents…whoever). Sadly, nobody at his school had his back, so if he made a social mistake, the clique would join in and all pounce on him.

But the talk isn’t about DS. It’s very general with a lot of time for questions and a resource list.

 

[1990Domer]

Thanks for clarifying. Sounds good.

I agree that bullying is a loaded word. And often the social isolation of special needs children has nothing to do with bullying behaviour at all. I have two children on the spectrum and can attest that they are quite capable of socially isolating themselves, without any hint of bullying from those around them. And then sometimes kids on the spectrum can themselves come across as bullies (or just rude), because they may lack social awareness and not properly filter their thoughts before expressing them.

It’s a confusing world for these kids. I hope your talk is a success.

I agree. We went through what I called the untactful phase with a lot of socials skill modeling, watching videos, looking at body language, facial expressions, etc. My son had a classmate with AS who fit the role you described. My son, who is discerning a vocation, is always very careful to follow Jesus’ example…non-violent, holds no grudges, quick to apologize, was. His public school friends remain his best buddies and have his back. His classmates tried bad-mouthing DS during Confirmation retreat. Thankfully, he had four kids who supported him. Thank goodness, otherwise that would have been in jeopardy.

 

[Vic_Taltrees_UK]

The main thing that worries me at this moment is, in respect of the probable many students who don’t have a diagnosis - like I didn’t - that the staff should not penalise the student for not having a “note” either excusing them or arranging a different or “remedial” class.

E.g I was punished for not attending PE which I couldn’t do, but would have been delighted to be given some remedial PE to do if only the family doctor hadn’t got so shirty with my parents as to put them off seeking help for me.

If in doubt, stick to your existing strategy because it can get complicated to try and address too many issues in one talk.

Am praying for its fruitfulness.

 

[1990Domer]

My talk will be all of 20 minutes. Questions for 25 minutes. Nothing to do with curriculum. It is all about showing God’s love and compassion to a child if he has an invisible disability or a possible one that has not been identified as of yet. In a nutshell, just because a child “looks” normal (thus the term invisible disability) does not mean he/she can execute a teacher’s instruction like a neurotypical child. Here is where compassion and withholding judgement play critical roles.

 

[Elena321]

My talk will be all of 20 minutes. Questions for 25 minutes. Nothing to do with curriculum. It is all about showing God’s love and compassion to a child if he has an invisible disability or a possible one that has not been identified as of yet. In a nutshell, just because a child “looks” normal (thus the term invisible disability) does not mean he/she can execute a teacher’s instruction like a neurotypical child. Here is where compassion and withholding judgement play critical roles.

I just want to say i think a lot of you for bringing awareness to this cause:hug1:

 

[1990Domer]

I just want to say i think a lot of you for bringing awareness to this cause:hug1:

Thank you for these kind words. Researching my talk and accumulating resources has not been a healing experience for me. If anything, it reminded me of how many balls were dropped by the school. I have found myself becoming angry and resentful. But, then I see how this may help another child or family, so I plug along.

I needed to read this today.

 

[1990Domer]

Thanks for clarifying. Sounds good.

I agree that bullying is a loaded word. And often the social isolation of special needs children has nothing to do with bullying behaviour at all. I have two children on the spectrum and can attest that they are quite capable of socially isolating themselves, without any hint of bullying from those around them. And then sometimes kids on the spectrum can themselves come across as bullies (or just rude), because they may lack social awareness and not properly filter their thoughts before expressing them.

It’s a confusing world for these kids. I hope your talk is a success.

This is interesting. In my son’s case, he wanted to be social and have friends. When he tried to join a group, his classmates would tell him to bug someone else. His classmate, also Aspie, did not want to socialize. Same diagnosis when presented itself as polar opposites in the kids.