"This is hard to confess..."

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secondchances12

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Let me just start off by saying that i have never killed anyone, gotten close to killing anyone, or ever planned on killing a specific person.

I grew up catholic and still am quite happy to call myself one, despite my moral struggles my belief in God is firm. Another thing i believe is that to gain the “benefits” of confession one must confess everything they’ve done or seriously thought about doing that’s a sin.

Similar to some of the other posters on here, i’ve struggled with sexual impurities (specifically masturbation) for most of my life. I am one of those guys that goes to confession nearly every week at some points and still ends up confessing a lot of the same sins.

The reason i am having you read all of this is because a month and a half ago, i seriously considered killing another human being. Not someone who made me mad or anything like that, my thoughts and intentions had no other motive beyond the simple urge to kill. (Frightening, i know.)

I even went so far as to think about how i would do it, where i’d do it, and how best to get away with it.

I’m not typing this from a mental institution because i know this urge was a direct result of my weakened defenses to the devil thanks to my other impurities. In other words, i’m not crazy just weak. That and certain tv shows caused me to lose touch with reality. Through the grace of God i now have this urge under control, and i’ve gotten myself to fully realize what i was thinking about doing.

My question is on how to confess this? If i can get free of this sin than i know i’ll be okay and not hurt anyone. The tricky part for me is this though, My priests know me very well and my mom works in the parish office. They obviously know about my “regular” sins, but since this is an even graver matter i am worried. I just don’t want them to think i’m a psychopath and tell my mom/ the police to lock me up.

Please pray for me (I need it). And any advice would help. I know i just need to suck it up and confess, but how to do it best is kind of what i’m asking.
 
secondchances12,

My advice to you is to confess it to your priest exactly as you’ve done it here. Your priest is under the sacramental seal while hearing confession. If he were to break that seal, he would be automatically excommunicated, in which case he could only be reinstated to the priesthood by the Pope himself. He is not going to go and tell your Mother. I doubt very highly that he will deny granting absolution. I will go so far as to say that many of us have had evil thoughts at one time or another. Take it to the confessional.

Explain it exactly as you’ve done it here. It will help to give context to the whole story and also show that you are not at risk of endangering others.

J.A.
 
It is amazing that we all feel that what is seen as immoral from a secular point of view intensifies the seriousness of the act. However, in reality, any mortal sin whether sexual infidelity or gossip that ruins a reputation is very serious and very damaging. The particular sin that you mention is serious but not to be thought of as more serious than any of the number of mortal sins confessed. They all separate us from God. For clarification, I am not declaring your sin as a mortal sin since that is to be discerned with your priest but I am speaking in general terms.

With that being said, I would do as the other poster recommended and present this as you did here. If you have the opportunity to go “behind the screen” or to another parish then make yourself more at ease and do so. If you feel that these feelings could surface again then you might seek counseling even outside the Church. You are the one who knows that and you mentioned that you don’t. I just mention this because it is serious when you are actually planning out a murder and don’t seek professional help.

My prayers are with you and remember that God loves us in all of our brokeness and failures and that the sacraments bring us back to Him. The priest can tell no one what you confess. It is between you and God…teachccd
 
I’ve confessed things that I’d never tell anyone ever; priests are always charitable.

Trust me man, just go to confession, don’t even worry about it; pray for grace and go. There are WAY worse things you could’ve thought than that and most priests have really heard it all - literally, there’s nothing you can say that would shock them.

If it’s really really bad, the embarrassment I mean, maybe go to another parish; but that’s not ideal.

I’ll pray for you 🙂
 
I agree with the other posters- there is the sacramental seal of all priests. As they have said you could always go to another church and confess to a priest you don’t know, if that is more comfortable for you.
Praying for you…

Our Father, Who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done,
on earth as it as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day, our daily bread and
forgive us our trespasses as we forgive
those who trespass against us.
Lead us not into temptation, but
deliver us from evil.
Amen

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee.
Blessed art Thou among women,and
blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us now, and
at the hour of our death.
Amen

Glory be to the Father, to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning, as is and ever shall be, world without end.
Amen

O my Jesus, forgive us our sins,save us from the fires of Hell,
lead all souls to heaven, especially those in most need of Your Mercy.
Amen
 
Def. keep in mind that Priests are specially trained in this stuff. They know to act as Christ, merciful and forgiving. Try not to beat yourself up too much. There are far, far worse things in this world than fantasizing about killing someone; in fact it’s probably among the more common sins priests hear.

I’m not trying to say “oh don’t worry man it’s not that bad” - just trying to strengthen you 🙂 It is bad, it is a mortal sin, but it’s not the end of the world, and the Priests won’t be shocked, I promise!

God is waiting for you in the confessional booth.
 
One thing I’m amazed nobody is pointing out is the fact that he hasn’t committed the sin. Thinking about murder is not the same as commiting a murder. Being tempted to commit lust is one thing, succumbing to temptation is another. Preserverance over temptation has definitely happened and you have much to be proud of yourself for. I’m proud of you. You overcame temptation. Having a thought & not acting on it is the avoidance of sin. You were taking a step closer to God, but didn’t realize it. Going to a priest to confess your thoughts may be helpful, but as far as any action on your part, there has been no sin. Maybe the priest can help you clear your mind of thoughts like that. Take it from a guy who has served in the military in a war-zone under people of questionable character or moral fiber & trust me, “accidents” happen. I have seen weapons pointed “in the wrong direction, at the wrong people” OVERCOMING those urges and thoughts take a LOT of strength. Trust me. It’s not worth it. You may be going through hell in your mind, but someone once said, if it feels like you’re going through hell, keep going, you’re doing something right, it’s the feel of your spirit being purified. Sounds crazy, but there’s a lot of truth to that. I’ll pray for you man. Trust me. You’re not the first person, and unfortunaltely you wont be the last. You’re human. It’s the ability to control yourself which separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom my friend. Take care & God bless!!!
 
Jason_1977 said:
One thing I’m amazed nobody is pointing out is the fact that he hasn’t committed the sin. Thinking about murder is not the same as commiting a murder. Being tempted to commit lust is one thing, succumbing to temptation is another. Preserverance over temptation has definitely happened and you have much to be proud of yourself for. I’m proud of you. You overcame temptation. Having a thought & not acting on it is the avoidance of sin. You were taking a step closer to God, but didn’t realize it. Going to a priest to confess your thoughts may be helpful, but as far as any action on your part, there has been no sin. Maybe the priest can help you clear your mind of thoughts like that. Take it from a guy who has served in the military in a war-zone under people of questionable character or moral fiber & trust me, “accidents” happen. I have seen weapons pointed “in the wrong direction, at the wrong people” OVERCOMING those urges and thoughts take a LOT of strength. Trust me. It’s not worth it. You may be going through hell in your mind, but someone once said, if it feels like you’re going through hell, keep going, you’re doing something right, it’s the feel of your spirit being purified. Sounds crazy, but there’s a lot of truth to that. I’ll pray for you man. Trust me. You’re not the first person, and unfortunaltely you wont be the last. You’re human. It’s the ability to control yourself which separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom my friend. Take care & God bless!!!
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There’s a lot of wisdom in this post but we must remember that setting the will on a sin is itself a sin; therefore, fantasizing about murdering someone would be a sin, and probably a mortal one. Having an “urge” to kill or fantasize about killing is a temptation, but actively engaging in the fantasy would be a sin 🙂

God bless!
 
Thank you all for your advice, I appreciate your prays. I’ll go to confession on tuesday and just do it without worrying about everything. 🙂
 
secondchances12 said:
The reason i am having you read all of this is because a month and a half ago, i seriously considered killing another human being. Not someone who made me mad or anything like that, my thoughts and intentions had no other motive beyond the simple urge to kill. (Frightening, i know.)

I even went so far as to think about how i would do it, where i’d do it…".
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There is a huge difference between the thoughts that run through our minds and the actions that we are really willing to carry out. We are capable if having some of the most stupid, immoral and even violent thoughts run through our minds on occasion. These are called “intrusive thoughts” and are often part of a condition of the mind called “scrupulosity”. It is quite common.
If that is what your deal is, then talk to your priest about it. He hears this stuff all of the time.

However if you were or are really and truly willing and wanting to kill someone, or are actively making plans to do this you need to tell someone you can trust and get some professional help immediately before you do something that will get you locked up for the rest of your life.
 
secondchances12 said:
The reason i am having you read all of this is because a month and a half ago, i seriously considered killing another human being. Not someone who made me mad or anything like that, my thoughts and intentions had no other motive beyond the simple urge to kill. (Frightening, i know.)

I even went so far as to think about how i would do it, where i’d do it, and how best to get away with it.

I’m not typing this from a mental institution because i know this urge was a direct result of my weakened defenses to the devil thanks to my other impurities. In other words, i’m not crazy just weak. That and certain tv shows caused me to lose touch with reality.
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I would re-think the whole “I’m not crazy” thing. I’m not trying to be rude, uncharitable, etc. but you said that you went so far as to think about how you would do it, where you would do it and how best to get away with it. Sure, a lot of has thought, ‘I just want to kill that person!!’ out of anger, but I’m sure very few of us has actually planned it out. To literally plan out how you would kill someone, especially a person who hasn’t done anything to you, indicates that something is seriously wrong. You also state that certain TV shows cause you to lose touch with reality, this alone is a major red flag.

Like TLM08 said, I would seek professional help as soon as possible - the things you stated here aren’t to be taken lightly (especially the whole losing touch with reality). If you can’t afford help (because it can get expensive fast) states usually provide people with free or low cost care based on what you make a year.
 
This temptation may well have been brought about by a weakness to the devil that came, in turn, from your other impurities. It is thus possible that this is indeed a spiritual problem at heart.

That being said, once you have become seriously tempted to kill another human being for no special reason, you are no longer talking about a solely spiritual problem. You are talking about a spiritual problem that has led to a (possibly far more serious) psychological problem. Yes, definitely, do talk to a priest, do go to confession – but don’t stop there. Based on what you said here, you need help – and a priest is a necessary part of that help, but not enough. Talk to a psychiatrist. See if your priest has any he can good Catholic psychologists he can recommend. Try also catholictherapists.com/ . Do it now, not later, before you encounter a temptation that you fail to overcome, and do something that can’t be undone.

God bless you.
 
Only OP can judge whether this was a sin or a manifestation of illness. We don’t even know him, let alone know the state of his soul.
 
Lorrie said:
Why is going to another parish for confession not ideal? :confused:
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Just because your confessor will not know you and thus his advice won’t necessarily be as well-suited to your temperament as the advice of a regular confessor.

I’ve gone to Confession outside my regular parish before; the forgiveness is there no matter what priest you go to. It’s just not ideal: if you can conquer the embarrassment, go to your regular confessor, but if you can’t, it’s better to go to a priest than to go to no priest.
 
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