This is just getting pathetic

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Anglewannabe

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OK, another post about my newly employed status.

Because of everything I have been through, I feel as if I have lost all perspective and do not know up from down. I just finished my third week at my new job. It is a contract until the end of September. I am really hoping to make a good impression to be kept on. If not in my current department, anywhere in the company.

The problem is, I worry about every little thing and I stress myself out. Last week I posted about taking notes and worried all weekend about that, only to go back to work and it was water under the bridge.

Now I am worrying about something else. I don’t even know if it is a big deal or not. I feel like I get along good with all my co-workers. However, my manager is very stressed (working long hours). I sense that deep down she is a good person but is very busy and has little time for anything. Every time she talks to me, I so desperately want to look good that I just start to babble without thinking. Then I worry I made a bad impression. Whenever I have a question, I hesitate to ask because I am scared of babbling in front of her. I am so petrified about what she thinks And the reality is, for all I know I am just worrying again for nothing.

I was talking to a friend and she was building me up saying ‘You are intelligent and they are lucky to have you.’ I don’t want to think like that because I don’t want to come across as full of myself.

I just don’t know how to feel about this. Or what attitude to take on

Please pray for me

Angie
 
I will pray for you Angie! Additionally, have you heard of Our Lady, Undoer of Knots? Whenever we encounter a troubling situation (a “knot” so to speak), Mary is always there to intercede for us and help us through this problem. Read about her here: maryundoerofknots.com/history.htm
 
Dear One,
Relax - take a deep breath - release all of your anxiety to the Lord.

The first thing to recognize is that there are simply a lot of things you cannot control. In the end, the things that will determine whether you stay or not are largely factors outside of your control (work levels etc.) - and “babbling” will not likely matter one way or another.

The most important thing you can do is to simply work hard and do the best you can for the company. Quality output is the one key to continued employment that we have any control over, so make the most of this. In this way, even if they do not retain you (due to other business factors) you will have someone more than willing to be a “reference” for you as you move forward.

Next time you catch yourself “babbling” - stop and laugh at yourself - and say tot he person, “sorry if I’m babbling, I do that sometimes…let’s get back to work”…
A good laugh (especially at ourselves) is an important thing and one of God’s great gifts to us.

But remember - if you do a good job (good quality output) here then only good things can come of it. If they keep you, that is great. If they do not, you will know it’s for reasons outside of your control. In that case, leave on good terms and let them know that you would happily work with them again and ask if you can use them as a reference.
Trust that God will provide - and place you where He needs you.
Pray for His will to be done in your life.

Peace
James
 
JRKH has just given you great advice, I would urge you to focus closely on everything he has said. You simply have to accept that the only thing you can do is always try to do your best work. Arrive early, dress properly, stay on task, never gossip or listen to derogatory remarks about your boss or the company, and smile at everyone. God will take care of you, just let Him. I am praying for you to have peace, inner strength and success in your new work.
 
Yes JRKH has given me good advice.

However, ‘good quality output’ is another issue I struggle with. I always second guess myself and never know what is expected. (I am working on this issue with a nun who is not a counscellor but has a lot of inner child knowledge and is helpful)

It seems I have this habit of focusing on the wrong thing and doing that so perfectly that I have no time to do what is important. When I ask questions I come across as dumb and annoying instead of inquisitive.

I was asking this one girl about something and she said ‘oh don’t worry about that there is no time’. Trying to be a team player, I let it go. A while later, another girl wanted to show me something. It was the exact same thing the other girl told me not to worry about. It was actually something I think is key and I should learn. So I am always caught. Few people have the patience to teach. However, there are certain things unless I am shown, I can not learn. For example, if a formula in Excel is wrong, I can figure it out myself. But if there is a certain computer screen in the database that holds information, unless someone tells me where it is stored in the database, I have no way of knowing, especially if I didn’t even know that information was pertinent to the task.

Believe it or, I have been in situations where no one was willing to train me and they were not forced to. So because I wasn’t learning I was let go. Unfair and I ask God for forgiveness for them, but I still have bills to pay.

Also, I am not even sure how to ‘measure’ the quality of my output since I am new.

Yes, I need to relax and give it to God

Angie
 
If the company hired you that affirms what’s probably true regardless: you’re a good investment. Maybe you’re an even better investment than your colleagues. My point is, there’s nothing arrogant in recognising your competence. In fact, I think you’re far more likely to self-sabotage when you show poor confidence than when you when you babble. For all you know your boss likes you, but if you underestimate yourself, she will too.

On the other hand, since you have limited control over your employment and even less over your emotions, telling you how you “should” feel isn’t an effective solution.

Instead, if you change your behaviour and enviornment you might reduce your stress and improve your outlook. Obviously your job influences your private life, but it shouldn’t affect you to the point of constant anxiety. Maybe you need to distract yourself with an activity when you worry, or avoid work-related things when you relax (e.g., don’t read emails before sleep). If you rely on assurance from friends or even CAF, maybe you need to limit these discussions; even if it helps you to cope with stress, maybe it undermines your self-reliance. Just make sure you work towards trusting not only in God but also yourself.
 
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