Thoughts on Women and Porn

[Tempestial]

Hello! I’ve been a long-time reader of the forums, This Rock and various Catholic sites for what seems like forever, but this is my first time posting to the forums here.

As I was reading a mailing from CA, I came across an advert for Jason Evert’s new book and was kind of bothered by something. I thought I’d share my thoughts and maybe get some (name removed by moderator)ut from you all, as well as the AAA section (if they find it appropriate to post and respond, that is)

Here is basically what I said in the AAA section:

I am a woman with a pornography addiction. As much as I’ve searched for literature geared towards ladies with this issue, I’ve mostly failed. As helpful and as wonderful as everything is, including the literature from Catholic Answers, it never quite addresses issues pertinent to women dealing with a porn addiction. It’s all about the guys

Please, please realize that many women are struggling with porn, perhaps as much as men are. Please consider broadening your ministry to include us.​

Thoughts?

Tempestial

 

[whatevergirl]

Hello! I’ve been a long-time reader of the forums, This Rock and various Catholic sites for what seems like forever, but this is my first time posting to the forums here.

As I was reading a mailing from CA, I came across an advert for Jason Evert’s new book and was kind of bothered by something. I thought I’d share my thoughts and maybe get some (name removed by moderator)ut from you all, as well as the AAA section (if they find it appropriate to post and respond, that is)

Here is basically what I said in the AAA section:

I am a woman with a pornography addiction. As much as I’ve searched for literature geared towards ladies with this issue, I’ve mostly failed. As helpful and as wonderful as everything is, including the literature from Catholic Answers, it never quite addresses issues pertinent to women dealing with a porn addiction. It’s all about the guys

Please, please realize that many women are struggling with porn, perhaps as much as men are. Please consider broadening your ministry to include us.​

Thoughts?

Tempestial

I will confess…my husband and I viewed porn together, when we were first married, and at that time were not exactly practicing Catholics. But, I never was addicted to it. I found it funny…like we would laugh I think at the bizarre mechanics of the whole thing. But, I could see a woman becoming addicted…the thing is, that the internet makes things like porn very accessible…very intimate. There’s even interactive sites, if I’m not mistaken…not that I have ever personally visited them…but, I know that the porn world is a lot different now, than when my husband I used to view it some 16 yrs ago. (when you had to go to some obscure little shop to purchase videos…dvd’s weren’t even out then) I think with the advent of the internet porn, it’s really something that has become a vice for many.

 

[Dorothy]

It seems to me that the same weapons men need to use to fight porn addiction is what women need to use.

Prayer, the Sacraments, and not frequenting places that would cause temptation.

 

[calchiquita]

It seems to me that the same weapons men need to use to fight porn addiction is what women need to use.

Prayer, the Sacraments, and not frequenting places that would cause temptation.

AND being able to talk to other women about a shared problem. I think that is what she is getting at. We hear about something like True Knights and go to the site thinking, oh, maybe there is something there for me and the testimonies from women are about how their guy is getting better.

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

I would have to agree with you that most of the information that you see on CAF and other sites such as www.dads.org or www.trueknights.org are mostly geared toward men.

However, I believe that is because the majority of those addicted is men. Men, as we all know, are more visual, more likely to get caught up in the videos/magazines/internet porn than women who may get caught up in the books moreso than anything else.

Having said that I am sure, like you Tempestial, there are many women out there that are addicted and I am sure that you will get some to voice thier opinion on this site and this thread as well. I think that if you take a lot of the advice that is offered towards the men, you can use it for your benefit. I also think that if you choose to search these forums you will find other threads that have relate to a woman’s addiction to pornography.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=128475&highlight=women+pornography

Just some suggestions.

 

[Alda]

I am a woman who used to view pornography. I was never addicted but I certainly still felt it was an issue. I don’t really think women need any special advice, the general advice that is out there for tackling this problem are appilcable for men and women alike, imho.

I do agree though that people sometimes forget women are also capable of this kind of sin.

 

[LittleDeb]

Hello! I’ve been a long-time reader of the forums, This Rock and various Catholic sites for what seems like forever, but this is my first time posting to the forums here.

As I was reading a mailing from CA, I came across an advert for Jason Evert’s new book and was kind of bothered by something. I thought I’d share my thoughts and maybe get some (name removed by moderator)ut from you all, as well as the AAA section (if they find it appropriate to post and respond, that is)

Here is basically what I said in the AAA section:

I am a woman with a pornography addiction. As much as I’ve searched for literature geared towards ladies with this issue, I’ve mostly failed. As helpful and as wonderful as everything is, including the literature from Catholic Answers, it never quite addresses issues pertinent to women dealing with a porn addiction. It’s all about the guys

Please, please realize that many women are struggling with porn, perhaps as much as men are. Please consider broadening your ministry to include us.​

Thoughts?

Tempestial

I think one of the reasons for the lack of resources for women is a basic difference in the reasons for the addiction. I agree that the Sacraments are the best resource for both men and women.

However, why women are addicted to porn is actually very different than why men are addicted. As Mirror said, male addiction is rooted visually. Women’s addiction actually is not. I have a dear friend (male) who is a recovering porn addict. We discovered that my former promiscuity and his pornography/masturbation were both manifestations of similar problems. Yet we discovered something very important. His problem was rooted in the physical while mine was rooted in the emotional. What I am saying is that had I not been promiscuous, I would have sought out pornography instead. BUT the *why *of it was for emotional reasons, not physical ones.

For a woman in pornography addiction I would suggest charting your fertility. I discovered that I was more promiscuous during my fertile phase. Men are always fertile so they have an almost constant sex drive. Women are fertile cyclically so our sex drive goes up and down more. I think yes, the resources should be developed for women too. But, since women and men are inherently different sexually the root of the problem in women is different than in men and needs to be addressed differently. Pornography is a sexual dysfunction. Understanding all forms of sexual dysfunction in women (promiscuity, contraception, porn…) will help to overcome the problem.

 

[Blinky]

www.pornnomore.com is a helpful resource, too

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

www.pornnomore.com is a helpful resource, too

That is the one that I could not think of, thanks!

 

[tamccrackine]

For a woman in pornography addiction I would suggest charting your fertility. I discovered that I was more promiscuous during my fertile phase.

I totally agree. In my early 20’s, I had actually contacted a sex therapist and a mental health expert because I truly thought I had a serious problem! I was going through men like they were candy but I couldn’t figure out WHY it was only every 30 days that I felt like this. It wasn’t until I learned about charting my fertility that I noticed that it was during my fertile times that I was getting out of control. I have to admit to occassionally looking through porn, reading stories, etc early in our marriage as well. But I had to honestly give it time for me to learn how to control my urges to NOT look at that stuff during those times when I thought I was most, ahem, amorous.

It’s been hard, especially when I caught my DH viewing the stuff, but it is workable. Going to Confession often helped me. And, like an alcoholic, it’s a constant struggle to work with and through.

 

[Klydewannab]

Thank you so much for your honest question. I keep looking for information too. I get so frustrated when I listen to the radio and hear help being offered and it’s always geared toward men.

Since women are different their porn addiction can also be different. For me it was romance novels. The worst part is never being able to completely rid yourself of those mental images.

The sacraments are truly the best way of helping to rid yourself of this problem. I also found sprinkling holy water in my room and around the house helped.

 

[CCM08]

I don’t know if men are more likely, it’s just women usually get their porn in the form of trashy “romance” novels which are generally more socially acceptable. A nudie magazine is a nudie magazine, really no question there. Romance novels are a little less clear cut, but obviously many of them (if not most) contain graphic descriptions of sex that the reader is using for the same purposes as the guy with the nudie magazine. I also think this lack of clarity can make it difficult to realize they have a problem with pornography because they may not even think of those novels as pornography.

 

[LittleDeb]

Yes, I agree. That is another good point about the romance novels. I used to be totally addicted to them! I heard this phrase or something similar and finally threw them all out. It went something like, “Pornography for men is a whole bunch of pictures and a few words. (explicit photos in a magazine.) And pornography for women is a whole lot of words with one picture. (Romance novels with their dramatic covers.)”

When women look at pictures it is the emotions going through our minds. When men look at pictures it is more images going through their minds.

 

[Smber2c]

Just a note on women and pornography:

I’ve prayed in front of 2 porn shops in Fargo, ND and 1 in Bozeman, MT on numerous occasions and more often than not, there were about 2 women going in for every man. Now I know that a very large percentage of porn users never enter a store these days, but still that 60-70% of women I saw entering was always a surprise.

I’ll also explain that women (or girls as they usually appeared between 16-24 years old) tended to arrive in groups of 4 or 5 while men were quite often alone.

(I’d still agree w/t everyone above about males having more of a porn addictive nature than women as studies and experience has show this truth to me)

 

[LittleDeb]

Just a note on women and pornography:

I’ve prayed in front of 2 porn shops in Fargo, ND and 1 in Bozeman, MT on numerous occasions and more often than not, there were about 2 women going in for every man. Now I know that a very large percentage of porn users never enter a store these days, but still that 60-70% of women I saw entering was always a surprise.

I’ll also explain that women (or girls as they usually appeared between 16-24 years old) tended to arrive in groups of 4 or 5 while men were quite often alone.

(I’d still agree w/t everyone above about males having more of a porn addictive nature than women as studies and experience has show this truth to me)

What you have witnessed and are illustrating here is another of the many repercussions of the assault on authentic masculinity and femininity.

These young women are being encouraged to neuter themselves. They are going in to these stores seeking what it is they think men have. These things that they feel have been denied them. It is so sad that they are seeking the lowest common denominator of men.

I also am impressed that you noted their clustering tendencies. A good friend of mine in high school had a sweatshirt that said, ‘I love my herd.’ I had to ask her to explain. She said, “don’t you notice how we never do anything alone? We go to the bathroom together, shopping together…that’s a herd.”

There is a lot to be learned from your observation. The age of the girls, the “herding,” the physical presence of the pornographic items rather than virtual, the solitariness of the men. All of those observations can better help us to p(name removed by moderator)oint the particulars of women to pornography.