''Til Death Do Us Part' Is Dying Out

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'‘Til Death Do Us Part’ Is Dying Out

In some weddings, “'til death do us part” is going the way of “to honor and obey” — that is, out the window. Vows like “For as long as we continue to love each other,” “For as long as our love shall last” and “Until our time together is over” are increasingly replacing the traditional to-the-grave vow — a switch that some call realistic and others call a recipe for failure.

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The first time I heard this was in the mid 1970s, on the “Rhoda” television show. Rhoda and Joe were getting married, and their vows ended with “As long as we both shall love.” That line made me gag then, and it makes me gag now.

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I remember when I was engaged to be married, my Dad pulled me aside one day and said, “I want you to understand that the most important part of the wedding vows is Till Death Do Us Part.”

I thought it was one of the smartest things he ever said.
 
well I can’t say I am surprized…saddened perhaps but not surprized. This culture we live in believes in revisionist history…If we all start saying it soon folks will forget that it is supposed to be forever. I am getting married in less than 5 weeks and I will be vowing my love and fidelity for life…this is the only way to go!! What are we teaching our children? It’s ok…nothing lasts forever? No! That is not the message I want to send, I want my kids to view marriage like I do…it is likened to Christ and his Church. Do we want Christ to love us until we mess up? Do we want Christ to love us until he loses interest? I don’t think so!
 
buffalo said:
’‘Til Death Do Us Part’ Is Dying Out

In some weddings, “'til death do us part” is going the way of “to honor and obey” — that is, out the window.
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While I worry that the “'til death do you part” is disappearing, my understanding is that “honor and obey” was never part of the English language Catholic vows, or at least in the US.

In any event, I view marriage not as me lording over my wife but as my wife and I giving up many of our individual wants for the other.

We had “til death do us part” but I have heard some add “as long as we both shall live” which says the same. In any event, death hopefully is but a temporary parting. My mother died exactly one year to the date after my father, she missed him so. While I miss her, my solace is that she went to join him.
 
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turboEDvo:
Won’t be missing from my wedding vows…

Eamon
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mine neither… 🙂
 
How about this,

“I promise to live with you as long as you make me feel good about myself and I don’t have to put up with to many of your faults for too long, and I don’t find anyone better looking or with more money or who makes me feel even BETTER about myself, and as long as you never say or do anything that I may consider “unforgiveable”, particularly having to do with sinning of any kind, and don’t change your mind about anything that we agreed upon prior to marriage, and as long as you don’t stand in the way of me doing whatever I want in life, and as long as I’m allowed to have a few affairs here and there, and as long as you don’t, and as long you’re always romantic, considerate, selfless, and generally do everything to make me feel good and as though I love you, and as long as you don’t do anything I find “too irritating” or obnoxious, which you will just have to find out what is after the marriage.”

My husband and I wrote our own vows, but we promised to love each other, and that is the hardest thing of all. Love is sacrifice. Marriage is HARD. The key to a successful marriage?

DON’T DIVORCE.
 
People should be required to go through marriage classes before marrying. The curriculum should cover such things as:

Love is not there to make YOU happy all the time.

Marriage is not about 2 people who are perfectly pleased with each other every minute of every day.

You WILL want to leave at some point. Don’t.

Sometimes you will have to do things you don’t like for the other person, like putting up with his friends.

That “he’s so perfect” infatuation glow will start to dim after about the 50th time you peel his filthy socks off the bathroom floor. Don’t be alarmed. This is normal.

You may find that you have “FEELINGS” for someone else. Tough. You made a commitment.

Look up the definition of commitment in the dictionary, write an essay on your findings.

Commitment is not a temporary agreement, and neither is marriage.

You may find that you have children. Do not be alarmed, eventually they will grow up and you will regain your sanity!
 
I don’t think Catholics are allowed to get creative with their wedding vows in a Catholic Church. (There may be some renegade priests who might allow it, but officially changing the vows is not an option.) Catholic marriage is one of the seven sacraments–it is neither entertainment nor an opportunity to demonstrate the spouses’ creativity.
 
La Chiara:
I don’t think Catholics are allowed to get creative with their wedding vows in a Catholic Church. (There may be some renegade priests who might allow it, but officially changing the vows is not an option.) Catholic marriage is one of the seven sacraments–it is neither entertainment nor an opportunity to demonstrate the spouses’ creativity.
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Actually, my husband and I wrote our own vows, but the Church had certain guidelines which we did adhere to.

We added a vow that we would help each other grow in our Catholic faith.
 
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Christian4life:
People should be required to go through marriage classes before marrying. The curriculum should cover such things as:

Love is not there to make YOU happy all the time.

Marriage is not about 2 people who are perfectly pleased with each other every minute of every day.

You WILL want to leave at some point. Don’t.

Sometimes you will have to do things you don’t like for the other person, like putting up with his friends.

That “he’s so perfect” infatuation glow will start to dim after about the 50th time you peel his filthy socks off the bathroom floor. Don’t be alarmed. This is normal.

You may find that you have “FEELINGS” for someone else. Tough. You made a commitment.

Look up the definition of commitment in the dictionary, write an essay on your findings.

Commitment is not a temporary agreement, and neither is marriage.

You may find that you have children. Do not be alarmed, eventually they will grow up and you will regain your sanity!
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:clapping: Good post, I like it and agree with it entirely (except that I don’t leave filthy socks on the bathroom floor, I hang them on the shower curtain rod to dry 😉 :p)

Eamon
 
Unfortunately the cultural elite want a society of pleasure seekers, where if hardship is ever encounter, they can get out quickly.

They do not want commitment and the concept of covenant is totally foreign to them.
 
Bringing to mind canon 1101 §2. If, however, either or both of the parties by a positive act of the will exclude marriage itself, some essential element of marriage, or some essential property of marriage, the party contracts invalidly.

One of those is permanence, or the indissolubility of marriage.

The Unitarian* minister who introduced the phrase back in the 70s, as “long as you both shall love” or whatever in lieu of as “long as you both shall live,” has lived long enough to regret it publicly. (*A group whose views on marriage are notorious for other reasons today.)
 
Very good, Christian4life. You spelled it out short and simple.

I use to be a pre-cana coordinator and would express the seriousness of the commitment. The idea of “till death do we part” was becoming a lost thing. I gave them this analogy. Suppose, instead of saying wedding vows, both of you would sign an agreement to give up one of your limbs if you ever separated. How serious would you take marrage now. You could say something like this on you wedding day. “I promise to love you till death or severed limb do we part.” It brings the message home in a very graphic way.

Oh, yea! With that kind of wedding vow, I guess Elizabeth Taylor would be a head by now. 😃
 
My Dad and the witch he married after my parents got divorced had something like “as long as our love shall last” in their vows. If I remember correctly that was about 8 years I think, give or take a year. Not too bad by today’s standards.

Personally, I think if people aren’t committed Christians, they should just shack up and not have any kids. It would make everyone’s life a lot easier since their “marriage” would be a fiction anyway. It would free up the courts for more important things.
 
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K-McD:
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Oh, yea! With that kind of wedding vow, I guess Elizabeth Taylor would be a head by now. 😃
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LOL! I know it’s wrong to laugh at other people’s mistakes, but darn she makes it so easy!
 
T.A.Stobie:
Unfortunately the cultural elite want a society of pleasure seekers, where if hardship is ever encounter, they can get out quickly.

They do not want commitment and the concept of covenant is totally foreign to them.
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Oh, they THINK they want commitment. They just want it until they don’t want it anymore. Like, gee, that whole “I’ll love you forever thing was fun for a while, but now I’m BORED!” Bring on the next fella!
 
turboEDvo said:
:clapping: Good post, I like it and agree with it entirely (except that I don’t leave filthy socks on the bathroom floor, I hang them on the shower curtain rod to dry 😉 :p)

Eamon
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Eww. I think that bothers me even more. I think once my husband may have done that and I didn’t notice until I had drawn a bath and it fell in the tub. EW.
 
turboEDvo said:
:clapping: Good post, I like it and agree with it entirely (except that I don’t leave filthy socks on the bathroom floor, I hang them on the shower curtain rod to dry 😉 :p)

Eamon
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Mine left his by the bed and I couldn’t sleep with stinky socks smell in my nostrils…I say the shower curtain is OK with me
 
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