Tips on being a good confirmation sponsor?

[Iowander]

I am my 13-year-old brother’s confirmation sponsor (he is also my godson). He will be confirmed at the end of the upcoming school year, and I’m having a hard time getting through to him. I am hoping that some of you out there will have some tips for me on things I can do to help his formation.

I am amazed at his lack of knowledge of the Catholic Faith despite being educated for 8 years in Catholic school, and I don’t sense any sincere motivation from him to receive the sacrament. For instance, when we first met to talk about confirmation, I suggested that we pray a rosary, and he didn’t have the slightest clue how to do it.

His school gave him this binder that we’re supposed to be working through in the two years leading up to the sacrament, but we’re always behind because he never takes the initiative, and frankly, the things that they have us talk about aren’t very helpful. It’s all wishy washy stuff that you should be able to ask a first grader: “How can we be better friends with God?”, “How do you think the apostles felt after seeing the Resurrected Christ?” - stuff like that. Anyway, whenever we talk about these things, he sounds like a student trying to BS his way through an answer. I don’t get that he cares about this at all.

I recently asked him if he knows what the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit are. He didn’t, so I told him that I would call him in one week to talk about them, and I wanted him to know them by then. So I called him, and he had them memorized, but he couldn’t elaborate on what any of them meant. After another week, I asked him about them again, and he could only come up with a couple of them.

I have asked him about saint names because it seems to me that kids are usually excited about this part, but he doesn’t know of many saints, and the ones he knows, he doesn’t know anything about. I have given a few suggestions and sent him web-based reading material on them, but he doesn’t read it.

I could go on, but I hope you get the idea. He needs some serious catechesis, and I’m just a little lost on how to provide it.

Help?

 

[puzzleannie]

I have been waiting for this chance thanks for posting.

first and it would be my same advice to the parent of a prospective confirmation candidate who is hoping to initiate some spark in their child or a glimmer of understanding and commitment:

work on the underlying relationship with the child, without necessarily trying to relate every conversation and time you are together to the sacrament or the “requirements.” You have a window of a few years at most to cement this relationship that will last into his adulthood, make the most of it. Share something (what is appropriate) of your own struggles with faith, motivation, commitment, prayer, temptation, discernment etc. with him, without preaching. Just simple discussions–Joey, I have a question and I need your help with something that is going on at my work and I’d like your opinion on what to do: they are asking me to lie when I answer the phone. They always gossip about other workers when we go to lunch, and it hurts me to then meet the person they were talking about. Some workers take home paper and supplies for their kids for school, and I don’t think it is right. Just something real to start a real life discussion.

Simply ask for his prayers about your health or another concern, to show you think it is both helful and valuable, and offer to pray with him (keep it short rosary way too long for a kid who is not praying now). Ask for his company at a movie or TV show that presents values in a wholesome way. Or ask his opinion about a less-than-socialy-acceptable movie or video game he has seen or used. Again, start a discussion, make your own views clear, but don’t preach.

Make time.

When he does talk, listen. Put down the phone, turn off the TV, Listen. Don’t jump in with a response or suggestion right away, just listen and limit your response to feedback questions. Don’t tell him how he should be feeling, just listen to him try to explain his feelings. Don’t ever ask a child especially a boy about his problems esp. with relationships. Listen. Listen. Listen

F

Most of all, listen when he does not talk. Read body language. You can learn an also lot about a teen in his silences.

 

[dconklin]

I have been a Confirmation Catechists for many years and an Asst DRE for six years. Many people get caught up on the kids knowing X, Y and Z attending two retreats and performing so many service hours. The same people seem to forget about the grace and fruits and gifts the kids will be receiving from this wonderful sacrament. Pray, pray and pray some more for your brother. Try to be the shining example of a Catholic Christian your brother needs.

Talk to him about your Confirmation experience. Talk to him about your life as a Christian. Try finding some really cool saint to talk to him about. Somewhere I have a book called something like Sinners Becoming Saints. It is the parents’ and the Church’s responsibility to teach him his faith. It is your responsibility as sponsor and more so as big brother or sister to help him on his walk.

If it were me, I would tone down the quizzes and turn up the light of God’s love.