To households with college students home on break

[sue_g]

With 3 college students home on break, I’m uncomfortable with them coming in at all hours of the night (a lot of nights as late as 4 AM) but am not sure what is acceptable. So I am asking for a straw pole to get an idea of how other Christian homes have addressed this issue.

Thanks in advance

 

[Meggie]

thats easy don’t let them do anything…thats what my parents do…the latest I have been out is 10:30…for church…

 

[Celia]

Well, when I was still going to school a little while ago and still living at home before i got married last year, my curfew was 1 a.m. My parents really didn’t care that I was 20 years old, it was their house, and I was to respect that. Of course, you can set whatever time you think is acceptable, and I could always ask for permission to stay out very late if something special was going on or whatever. Besides, I’m sure they stay out late enough when they’re away at school, they can party there. Maybe if you tell them you’re uncomfortable with it they’ll be a little more reasonable.

 

[JCPhoenix]

I’m not sure how much help I’m going to be but here goes; please bear with me; I have a point.

My mother was/is a very strict Catholic…although of late she has been wooed to the liberal side somewhat. (she is naive, bipolar, and easily led). However, when I grew up she had an iron fist.

Even today I feel guilt if I say “s***”" in her presence. (self-censored). Even though I rebelled as a teen–long story…even today I respect her timeframes.

And as she recieved treatment for her bipolar she loosened the strings a bit to allow my brother and I time to grow. To demonstrate the extreme…in the year prior to my graduation I ran away twice due to her behavior…to my best friend’s home…also Catholic and members of our Church. I went to school and work. And when I came back home, the closer we got to my graduation, the earlier my curfew became. In fact, on the night of my graduation, my Mom wanted me home at 10 pm.

My first act as an adult was to sign my mother into the hospital on a 72 hour hold after she attempted suicide.

Yet I turned out all right. I rebelled…but she had made us undersatnd respect and obedience prior to having been hit so hard by her disease.

I am happy she laid down the law when I was younger…and if your college age kids are coming home after 4 am, then out of respect you have the right to question this. 4 am is a far cry from 10 pm.

As I grew older I did tell my Mom if I was not going to be home until very late…or if I was staying where I was going. Then at least she would know where I was. I found this habit hard to break even last year when I still had a roommate.

Just sit down and talk to your children. Discuss respect. You can’t make them do anything…but you can help them understand how you feel about what they are doing.

I grew up with respect through fear. Please take the time to help your college age children understand respect without fear. They will better understand and I daresay aquiesce to your requests.

 

[gtrplr]

I have been out of college for three years now but I can relate to this situation. For me, it was hard to readjust to living at home after being away at school and having the freedom to come and go as I pleased without having to report to anyone. That being said, I think that 4:00 AM is too late to be staying out, especially if they do not let you know what they are doing and when they plan to be back. I agree with Celia - 1:00 AM is a reasonable “standard” curfew, with later times negotiable for special occasions like New Year’s.

 

[jimmy]

I am a college student home on break, but I usually don’t come home at 4 in the morning. I am normally home much earlier than that. I think that the advice above is pretty good. 1 oclock is probably a good curfew. Just tell them how you feel. It is your house and they should respect you.

 

[chicago]

Gee, around here 1 A.M. would be considered kind of early. Early bars don’t even close till 2. Swing dancing tends to go till 1. (Doesn’t even start until 9 or 10 and sometimes there are "late night dances till 3, 4, or 5). Late bars are open till 4 (5 on weekends). When I was in theater in high school, we’d stay up at friends houses till after 2 at times. All night restaurants get quite busy during the wee small hours of the morning.

There’s even a Sunday and daily Mass at one of the Catholic Universities at 10 P.M.

So I suppose it all depends upon the environment and what they are doing up all night.

 

[sue_g]

Thanks to all the great replies. The worst offender in my household who absolutely refuses any discussion is (surprise!) involved in drinking, smoking, marijuana, and porn mags which, unfortunately, is not frowned upon by his father (divorce situation). Please pray for this lost son who is a baptized Christian.

Because he refuses to go along with any rules, he is living elsewhere. So this has now become a non-issue unless he has a desire to live here again.