To Put 15yo in RCIA/T or Not?

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I have a dd who just turned 15 and I am trying to figure out if I should put her in RCIA for teens next school year.

I also have two other teens who will be turning 19 and 20 this spring. They have been raised as Protestant Christians and are obviously adults who are responsible for their own spiritual decisions now. All I can do at this late stage in the game, is to show them how my conversion is benefitting me, answer questions, pray for them, and not try to force conversion on them.

Do you think I should have the same approach for the one who is 15? Or is she young enough that I should make a parental decision to have her take RCIA for teens?

If I were to ask her right now, if she wants to take classes to convert to the Catholic Church, I’m sure she’d say something along the lines of “No, I’m fine going to [protestant] church with Dad.” Does this mean I shouldn’t put her in RCIA/T? If she takes the classes, she could find herself under pressure to join at Easter because her friends in the class are. Would I be responsible for causing her to sin if she joined due to peer pressure when she didn’t really want to be a catholic for the rest of her life?

I’m afraid I could cause her to commit the biggest sin of her life if she joined, took communion, but didn’t do it for the right reasons. But…

I’m also afraid, if I don’t use my power to put her in RCIA, I will be committing a huge sin for not passing on the faith to one of my children when I could have. Aargh!

Please help me know what is the right thing to do. Thank you!
 
No – DO NOT force her to enter RCIA. Instead, invite her to come to Mass with you – you’re better off being a good example, and that will say more to her than any words.
 
First of all, you won’t be able to force your daughter to enter the Church or receive the sacraments. A person has to WANT to receive them.

If you’re inclined to force her to attend the RCIA sessions, you can. I’ve heard of parents doing this with confirmation candidates of the same age: “You don’t have to be confirmed, but you have to attend the classes.” However, adolescent rebellion often kicks in and the teen fights the Church as a way of fighting the parents. So possibly not a good idea.

That leaves two options I can think of – one voluntary and one forced.

The forced idea would be to insist that she participates in some type of religious education or formation. It could be RCIA, it could be at her Protestant church, it could be some kind of Christian youth group. She can decide what she wants. Hopefully, whatever she chooses (with your approval) will help her grow closer to the Lord.

The voluntary idea would be to share with her how important your faith is to you, and invite her to share that with you. That might mean participation in Mass, RCIA, or perhaps a parish group of some sort. If she isn’t interested in something specifically related to the Catholic Church, would she be interested in participating with you in some type of social justice or service activity? Something that would allow you to share your faith and the two of you to talk about important matters.
 
I’m a bit startled at now many times the word “force” is being used. My relationship with my daughter isn’t one of forcing and fighting with her. If I could edit my original post, I would change the one time I used the word “force” to the word “push.” Maybe that’s why people are incorrectly thinking I asked if I should make her do RCIA under duress.

She is legally considered a homeschooler. Because she is more motivated for teachers other than Mom, we outsourced all of her classes to a university model school this year, and plan to next year. This means that my daughter, husband/her dad, and I will choose what classes she takes next year. I need to decide if I want to recommend and push for RCIA to be a part of her education, and have the power to give her a credit for religion/Bible if she takes it. If she does RCIA, it will be because we decided it was the best option. Not a whole lot different than choosing Spanish or French. I’m going to recommend Spanish, but if she has strong feelings about taking French, and dad agrees, then she will take French.

I’m trying to figure out if I should or should not try to have RCIA be part of her education next school year. If it is the norm for teens in RCIA to be there because their parents are forcing it on them, maybe I should choose something else to recommend.
 
Approach it as a religious education class. If at the end she wants to convert, awesome. But instead of approaching it to either dad or dd as conversion, approach it as a way to earn credit. Then let The Lord do the rest.

But, if you don’t give your daughter the knowledge to be able to make an informed choice, then IMO, it’s a huge disservice.
 
The first part of RCIA is the Inquiry process, you could simply ask her if she would like to go go just to see what Catholicism is about. Tell her that she doesn’t need to make any commitment at all. It is fine just to go find out about the faith.
 
Mike_Dye said:
The first part of RCIA is the Inquiry process, you could simply ask her if she would like to go go just to see what Catholicism is about. Tell her that she doesn’t need to make any commitment at all. It is fine just to go find out about the faith.
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Exactly
 
I would suggest that there’s a difference between religion as a class and RCIA.

A religion class might cover church history, morality, comparative religion, etc. It’s an intellectual pursuit.

RCIA is intended to be a process of conversion. It’s a deepening of one’s spiritual life and a turning toward God. It’s a spiritual pursuit. To me those are two different things.
 
Ginger_Feline said:
If I were to ask her right now, if she wants to take classes to convert to the Catholic Church, I’m sure she’d say something along the lines of “No, I’m fine going to [protestant] church with Dad.”
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What does her dad say about your idea?
 
SuscipeMeDomine said:
I would suggest that there’s a difference between religion as a class and RCIA.

A religion class might cover church history, morality, comparative religion, etc. It’s an intellectual pursuit.

RCIA is intended to be a process of conversion. It’s a deepening of one’s spiritual life and a turning toward God. It’s a spiritual pursuit. To me those are two different things.
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I am in RCIA right now (only 3 days until Easter vigil!) The church I go to advertises RCIA as being for people interested in joining the Catholic Church or for anyone interested in learning more about what Catholics believe.
 
Ginger_Feline said:
I have a dd who just turned 15 and I am trying to figure out if I should put her in RCIA for teens next school year.

I also have two other teens who will be turning 19 and 20 this spring. They have been raised as Protestant Christians and are obviously adults who are responsible for their own spiritual decisions now. All I can do at this late stage in the game, is to show them how my conversion is benefitting me, answer questions, pray for them, and not try to force conversion on them.

Do you think I should have the same approach for the one who is 15? Or is she young enough that I should make a parental decision to have her take RCIA for teens?

If I were to ask her right now, if she wants to take classes to convert to the Catholic Church, I’m sure she’d say something along the lines of “No, I’m fine going to [protestant] church with Dad.” Does this mean I shouldn’t put her in RCIA/T? If she takes the classes, she could find herself under pressure to join at Easter because her friends in the class are. Would I be responsible for causing her to sin if she joined due to peer pressure when she didn’t really want to be a catholic for the rest of her life?

I’m afraid I could cause her to commit the biggest sin of her life if she joined, took communion, but didn’t do it for the right reasons. But…

I’m also afraid, if I don’t use my power to put her in RCIA, I will be committing a huge sin for not passing on the faith to one of my children when I could have. Aargh!

Please help me know what is the right thing to do. Thank you!
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Depending on your relationship with your husband and your daughter, you might want to express to them why you feel drawn to the Catholic faith. It sounds like your family has a religious life already but something’s changed within you to inspire you to convert to Catholicism. If that’s so, they may have the same latent feelings and your sharing might bring those feelings closer to the surface where they can recognize it and examine it like you did.

As another poster has already suggested, be a good example and lead your daughter to the faith. No matter how many words we use, one good poignant action can do more than a million flowery words. I believe it was St. Augstine who said (paraphrasing) “God calls us all to evangelize and sometimes we use words.”

Don’t force anyone to convert. They will come because the Lord calls them. In time, they will hear Him and follow His Voice. God Bless you and have a Blessed Holy Week.👍
 
without said:
What does her dad say about your idea?
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He is cautiously open to the idea. Definitely doesn’t want her in a situation that would make her feel pressured to convert, but neither do I.

Unfortunately, his church doesn’t offer any educational classes. It’s a nondenominational mega church with rock bands, strobe lights, a shouting, motivational speaker-type preacher, complete with tv show. RCIA classes are on Mondays evenings, so they wouldn’t interfere with her continuing to go to church on Sundays with him.
 
i had a similar experience and will tell you how it worked out for my family. When I converted, I had an 18 year old son (already in college), a 15 year old daughter and a 10 year old son. My two older children were already confirmed in the Methodist church, and were VERY unhappy that I had become Catholic. I encouraged my daughter and youngest son to attend RCIA (there was a special class for children) and told them that I wanted them to at least understand Catholicism. I stressed that I had no expectation that they would become Catholic. My daughter was very surly in class and pretty resentful- finding a lot of fault with anything different from the Methodist church. However, over time, she embraced the opportunity to learn about Catholicism and actually enjoyed the classes. She opted to not convert and remained Methodist. She gained insights and grew in faith during her time in RCIA- and now, when she visits with her husband and child, they attend Mass with us. We also are always open to attending Methodist service with them in addition to Mass. And we offer to let them skip Mass, but they opt to attend and are very comfortable. i feel that the RCIA classes made her a better Christian and gave her a deeper understanding of God. She and her family are very devout Methodists. My youngest son did convert and is now married to another Catholic and is very faith-filled. My oldest son is much less faithful and only attends Methodist church on major holidays. 😦 So, in my very limited experience, the RCIA classes benefited my two children that attended them and helped them grow much closer to God.
 
marbleartist said:
i had a similar experience and will tell you how it worked out for my family. When I converted, I had an 18 year old son (already in college), a 15 year old daughter and a 10 year old son. My two older children were already confirmed in the Methodist church, and were VERY unhappy that I had become Catholic. I encouraged my daughter and youngest son to attend RCIA (there was a special class for children) and told them that I wanted them to at least understand Catholicism. I stressed that I had no expectation that they would become Catholic. My daughter was very surly in class and pretty resentful- finding a lot of fault with anything different from the Methodist church. However, over time, she embraced the opportunity to learn about Catholicism and actually enjoyed the classes. She opted to not convert and remained Methodist. She gained insights and grew in faith during her time in RCIA- and now, when she visits with her husband and child, they attend Mass with us. We also are always open to attending Methodist service with them in addition to Mass. And we offer to let them skip Mass, but they opt to attend and are very comfortable. i feel that the RCIA classes made her a better Christian and gave her a deeper understanding of God. She and her family are very devout Methodists. My youngest son did convert and is now married to another Catholic and is very faith-filled. My oldest son is much less faithful and only attends Methodist church on major holidays. 😦 So, in my very limited experience, the RCIA classes benefited my two children that attended them and helped them grow much closer to God.
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Thank you so much for your encouraging story! I also have a 10 yr. old in addition to my teens. She is a special needs child and the catholic church has a fantastic program for special needs kids that she is in. It’s what provoked me to go to the RCIA inquiry class last summer.

Anyway, your experience with your daughter sounds exactly like what I am hoping for with mine. I really don’t have expectations or even a fantasy that she will convert and join next spring. My desired outcome is to have her gain an accurate view of the catholic church and know that mom hasn’t been conned into joining a church that isn’t really christian. There is so much anti-catholic bias, and even hostility being expressed in so many protestant churches these days, it would be nice to be able to neutralize it in my family.
 
Why has she not been in some sort of Sunday school setting prior to this?
In either denomination?
 
I have been in this situation times two. What I did was simply go to Mass as a family. Yes, I did twist arms for that part, everything short of making them. Yet my persuasion was more like an offer they couldn’t refuse, minus the horse head.

Both decided on their own to go to RCIA. Both broached the subject with me by telling me they were interested, around sixteen. Both are now in their mid twenties and still go to Mass. What I did was simply have an atmosphere steep in the Catholic culture. Grand parents who were frequent visitors helped this, as did side pilgrimages on vacations.

However, we have to realize each person and situation is unique. What works one place may not be such a hot idea elsewhere.
 
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