To sue or not to sue?

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Lexee15

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Hi all, I have another moral dilema. Here in Illinios a spouse is still allowed to sue someone for Alienation of Affection and for Criminal Conversation. To my understanding Alienation of Affection is harder to prove and you have to prove that your marriage was good and strong and if it hadn’t been for this other person the marriage would be fine, everything about your life is exposed. In Criminal Conversation all you have to do is prove that the person had sex with your spouse, knowing they were married. I have been debating whether or not to file suit against the two women I have information about…I know there are at least three women, but I only have info. on two, one of those is the one claiming that she might be pregnant. I would file a Criminal Conversation suit against them since I cannot prove that we had a good marraige before this happened. Mostly I want to do it to let them know that I’m not going anywhere and to teach them a lesson about getting involved with married men. I don’t even know if I would go through with it, I mostly just want to serve them with the suit papers, what do you all think and what would be the church’s position on this? I really am not doing it with revenge in mind it’s mostly to discourage them from thinking that they can continue to persue my husband without suffering real consequences for messing around with married men, maybe next time they’ll think twice about messing around with someone’s husband. Also, if there is anyone out there who knows the ins and outs of these lawsuits and there’s something I need to know please…fill me in.
 
I would leave it be.

I would not sue.

The “lesson” the lesson you are trying to teach these women will not be learned in a court room- if they haven’t learned it from the situation itself.

They will just see you as the enemy- not the teacher.

If you believe one is pregnant, I think you have a bit of an obligation to refrain from causing stress that could hurt the baby. Not for the sake of the adulterous tramp, but for that baby.

Lexee, you have a lot on your plate right now. I would worry more about getting things lined up there first. I know you are in much pain and grief. But turn toward God and try to heal your broken life- do not attempt to create more havok in another’s.

Would Christ sue these women?

:twocents:

Plus you have a child to care for. That child needs extra care during this tumultuous time, diverting your attention to these women is just giving them more power over your family life.

My prayers are with you.
 
I agree with Shiann; let it be. As difficult as it may be, we should always seek the high road, not for who they are but for who we are. Don’t think of it as you letting them off the hook, but that you are refusing to stoop to their level. I am speaking from experience and I can honestly say I never regretted doing the right thing. It’s funny but everything has way of working itself out. We of the Faith know that as being God taking charge of the situation.

Peace
 
Another vote for let it go. Let God take care of these women. I suggest that you move on and focus your energies with putting your life and your marriage back together.

Pete
 
Yikes!

I can only see more bad stuff coming from a lawsuit. Just let it go. God knows and sees all. Leave Justice in His hands, for you can be absolutely 100% certain that He will exercise perfect justice, either in this life, or in eternity.
 
Another vote to let it go, pray for your husband, and for them. Pray for that little baby too. You and your husband and son all ought to pray together daily, that will greatly help your Marriage.
In all things pray.
 
Lexee, as a person who dealt with an addicted husband for years what you’re trying to do is very familiar to me. You can’t control your husband’s behavior so instead you are trying to control the enviroment around him. I have been there, you will drive yourself crazy trying to manipulate your husband’s surroundings so that he can not repeat his painful pattern.

Mostly I want to do it to let them know that I’m not going anywhere and to teach them a lesson about getting involved with married men.

You wouldn’t have to worry about what any woman had in mind if your hubby could be trusted and that is really the issue here. You need to get to an Al-Anon meeting asap. You need support from others who share your experience. Scaring this or any other woman away will change nothing. You husband has multiple addictions that need to be addressed.

I lived the roller coaster for years. The litany of promises and pleas for forgiveness from my husband. The “I’ve really changed this time” and the “I promise things will be different.” So many times I felt hopeful and so many times those words turned into empty promises. But not because my husband didn’t mean them. He DID mean them, but his addictions were stronger than his promises. He tried so hard for so long, it killed him that he kept hurting me which only added to his depression.

It took years of highs and lows until he came to me and said I need help because I don’t even want to live anymore. He went to counseling and was treated with anti-depressants for about three years. We also to become very active in our faith during this time. He needed to make the choice to get better. As much as you want to protect him from every temptation, it is not possible to do that.

If you are sticking by your husband you are going to need alot of emotional and spiritual suport. Go to Al-anon, speak with a priest, see if you he can direct you to a good spirutal director-if possible one that is familiar with addiction. Go to Mass as often as you can.

If you ever need to talk feel free to PM me.
God Bless! You are in my prayers.
 
Thank you for all your advice and insight. There was something inside me that said that maybe that wasn’t the best thing to do…and with your replies I have realized why it isn’t the best thing to do. When you’re in the middle of the problem it’s hard to step back and be objective about things, I thank all of you for your objectivity. Rayne89 was right in mentioning that I feel the need to control his behavior by altering his environment…but I can’t. I have done pretty well with God’s help, but sometimes I falter and want to take things into my own hands. He’s been able to get me through till now, all I need to do is continue to have faith and trust in Him that he has a plan for me and hopefully I am wise enough to be open to whatever His will might be. Thanks again for your thoughts and comments. :blessyou:
 
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Lexee15:
Thank you for all your advice and insight. There was something inside me that said that maybe that wasn’t the best thing to do…and with your replies I have realized why it isn’t the best thing to do. When you’re in the middle of the problem it’s hard to step back and be objective about things, I thank all of you for your objectivity. Rayne89 was right in mentioning that I feel the need to control his behavior by altering his environment…but I can’t. I have done pretty well with God’s help, but sometimes I falter and want to take things into my own hands. He’s been able to get me through till now, all I need to do is continue to have faith and trust in Him that he has a plan for me and hopefully I am wise enough to be open to whatever His will might be. Thanks again for your thoughts and comments. :blessyou:
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Your strength and faith are an inspiration! God bless you!

Pete
 
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