To take a strong stand!

[BOBKAT]

Hello everyone,

I finally took a stand against my adult child who unfortuately has been a huge dissappointment to me. I know that I have some responsibily in that, however I never meant for it to get this bad. He is a person who seems unreachable, yet I know deep down inside he can be a wonderful person. Anyhow he has a tatoo on his arm that brings me great distress it is an evil symbol and I had asked him to get rid of it many times. I finally offered to pay for the removal and here is his answer. To get what I want will cost 450.00 so just give me the money you were going to give me and when I get the rest I will do it. you think about that and let me know. How’s that, instead of sure mom if it bothers you that much I will take it off. I know that it would cost about 150.00 to just make it so that it isn’t what it is. I really should have handled it from the beginning, but thinking I had some influence on him I decided not to. Ever since that tatoo his life is full of incidents some that have cause my family a great deal of pain. Here is my answer to his suggestion. No!!! my objective is to remove the object not participate in another tatoo of your choice and if that is the only way you will do anything about it than you cannot come into my home and as far a realtionship we have none. It has always been on your terms well not this time. Am I being to harsh? I cannot even speak with him. I am not happy about anything in his life including living with his girlfriend and their son. So if I were to speak with him he would get the impression that what he is doing is okay and it’s not. Would any of you done anything differently? I know deep down inside that this is what he needs, but it seems the world is against this type of parenting.

Thanks for listening

God Bless
Kathleen

 

[stbruno]

You planted some seeds…hopefully the good ones will one day begin to take root and bloom. Unfortunately, no one has any guarantee when their children are born how they will turn out. Including God. He is the Father of all creation and some of his creation turned away from him. Keep your door open for reconciliation with your son. Soon the holidays will be approaching. He may have a change of heart when he realizes how deeply his lifestyle has affected your relationship with him.
St.Monica was greatly disturbed about her son St.Augustine too. It took 40 years and she dedicated her whole life in prayer that he would change…and it happened. So if you have tried everything else…to quote a famous person…“Why not try prayer?” Start praying and doing it consistently…every day. Even Eucharistic adoration or a week day mass along with your Sunday mass. All things are possible with God. Take your prayer also to our Blessed Lady for her intercession. If anyone prayed, Mary taught us well. Good luck and may God bless you in your efforts.

 

[koda]

BOBKAT:

So if I were to speak with him he would get the impression that what he is doing is okay and it’s not. Would any of you done anything differently? I know deep down inside that this is what he needs, but it seems the world is against this type of parenting.

I don’t see why speaking with him would give him the impression that you approve of him - but it might give him the impression that you love him. You mention his son. Do you see this child, have any kind of relationship with him? After all, this is your grandchild and always will be whether you like the parents or not. Your main concern seems to be a tatoo and the fact that he lives with his girlfriend and their child. Does he work to support them? Is he on drugs? Does he lie, cheat and steal? If he does none of these things are you cutting him (and your grandson) out of your life because of a tatoo and out of wedlock relationship, I think you’re being too harsh. If he loves the child and supports him that’s a lot better than simply leaving the mom to do it alone. You say everything is on his terms, but you don’t sound very flexible yourself. Do you love him only when he lives like you think he should? As I say though, you don’t give enough info to really allow a third party to understand the situation.

 

[BOBKAT]

Well one of the reasons I don’t always seek help from the boards is because it is so much more than I can write. So let me fill you in on some other issues. Yes he has stolen from my sister and her husband and lies constantly I have tried to talk to him,but how can I have a normal conversation with a person who shows no remorse for his actions who thinks he just hurt himself by stealing from my sister. I haven’t talked to my sister in two years because of this and until he sense the pain he has caused I am afraid that he won’t understand. I do have a relationship with my grandson and can have him whenever I am able to take him. He is the reason it took so long to take this stand. All my younger children hear when we are together is my preaching and him not listening. I haven’t given up on him I just need to be quiet for awhile and hoping that someone here might think I am on to something. I carry the pain and sorrow for his sins just as Jesus carries mine except Jesus is always on my mind and I keep on praying Joey is thinking of no one except Joey. If I thought for a moment he needed me to help him I’d be there in a heartbeat it’s just that he hasn’t done anything to make anything better.

Again sorry for the length

God Bless
Kathleen

 

[crystal]

hi kathleen,

I was pretty sure it had more to do with something other than the tatoo. In my opinion, what people choose to do with their bodies is their business. But lying, stealing and showing no remorse for hurting others are a big deal. I would confront anyone who does those things and if they weren’t willing to try to change then I would think about cutting them off. I don’t think that how or if they’re related really matters once they’re an adult.

I also think that because he’s your son, it’s gotta be very painful and probably very hard to make such a decision. If I chose to keep someone like that in my life then I would carefully choose my battles with them and not back down on what I consider to be important.

Crystal