To those who had sex before marriage....do you consider it a sin now?

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DaddyGirl said:
Whatever is true or not, most people are indeed curious as to what people are thinking and feeling. It’s part of being human.
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I understand, but I guess you could say that I’m a little annoyed by this thread. Opinions and feelings won’t get you into heaven. If you don’t believe that pre-marital sex is a sin, then you’re not following Christ or remaining loyal to the Magisterium.
 
_Jenn said:
I think a different question that would lead to more discussion would be

“What was your mindset when you had pre-marital sex?”

And that, IMO, is totally dependent on how old you were. I think it’s pretty safe to say that if you were a teen, your religious beliefs were the last thing on your mind.

But if you were an adult (20s and older), and in a long term relationship, possibly even engaged, you may have had the mindset that you are in a loving relationship, quite possibly with someone you have planned to spend the rest of your life with, so it was ok.

Having waited myself, I really have nothing to lend to the poll. But those were just thoughts I had on what might generate more discussion.
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I agree. Phrased like this or something along these lines might have lead to a discuss. Phrased as a yes/no poll it feels more like a gotcha thread.
 
Is is a sin regardless. I made a poor choice and i deeply regret it.
 
_Jenn said:
I think a different question that would lead to more discussion would be

“What was your mindset when you had pre-marital sex?”

And that, IMO, is totally dependent on how old you were. I think it’s pretty safe to say that if you were a teen, your religious beliefs were the last thing on your mind.

But if you were an adult (20s and older), and in a long term relationship, possibly even engaged, you may have had the mindset that you are in a loving relationship, quite possibly with someone you have planned to spend the rest of your life with, so it was ok.
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I was 18, and torn about the morality aspect of whether I should or should not. Unluckily I decided to shove my doubts into a dark corner and go ahead anyways. It was not a spur of the moment decision, me and my boyfriend had several in depth discussions about it before we decided that whenever the next opportunity arose and we both felt like the time was right, we would. We had been dating for almost a year at that time and were very much so in love. We both thought that it was a very good possibility that we will end up spending the rest of our lives together. So long story short we ended up doing it. We were each others first for everything - first relationship, first kiss, first so on and so forth. We figured it was okay because we truly cared deeply about each other, and the physical aspects of our relationship were not the focus. So what could it hurt?

It was a little over a month later when I was on a retreat that God basically whacked me over the head with a stick in my heart and made me realize I was being stubborn and needed to stop fooling myself. The conversation I had after the retreat with my boyfriend was not fun, and I was scared witless about it. Luckily God has blessed me with a boyfriend who understood, and is willing to do whatever it takes to be with me and make me happy. We are still together, and still very much in love. The struggle of not giving into lust is a lot harder since we did used to let ourselves slide down that slippery slope. In ways overcoming those mistakes has made our relationship stronger, but at the same time it has done damage.

But when we were discussing it before we did it, the religious/moral aspect very much so did come up many times. I think it very unfair to make assumptions about what is going through the minds of teenagers when they are considering having sex based upon the fact that they are teenagers. I know it was not just me and my boyfriend who debated about the morality. A couple of my friends did as well about a year before.
 
Knowing that it is a sin, and that you should not do it, does not mean people won’t do it. Isn’t that the whole point in sinning? Doing something you know is wrong. If we were perfect it wouldn’t matter, but we’re all humans and it’s something we have to deal with and strive to avoid daily.

Me, I knew it was a sin in the eyes of the church. My parents, my church, teachers, etc all told us not to do it and that it would lead to horrible things. This only made me determined to go out and do it. That’s the way kids think, yesterday, today, and probably tomorrow. And I’m betting it’s not going to stop at least 90% of them from doing it.

I knew it was a sin back then, I know it’s a sin today. Today, as an active catholic I regret it and confessed it and thankfully it’s not something I have to worry about now. I sure wouldn’t want to be a single young adult in today’s world.
 
It only our beliefs, I did not consider it as a sin, If a person beliefs that it is sin then only it is sin otherwise this is a part of our life some people had after marriage some had before marriage.
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What is the purpose in having such a poll. We can simply have a discussion about the topic. Why the poll? What does that add to the thread? What am I missing?
 
At the time, I did not consider it sin. Then again, I don’t know if I even thought about it at all in regards to religion. (Cradle Catholic, but not exactly practicing at the time).

Now? Yes, I do believe it to be sin and have confessed and repented of such. With that said, the fact that I am still married to the same wonderful woman 22 years later makes me doubt at times all the folks out there who swear your headed for a divorce if you do it.
 
thomasf said:
Knowing that it is a sin, and that you should not do it, does not mean people won’t do it. Isn’t that the whole point in sinning? Doing something you know is wrong. If we were perfect it wouldn’t matter, but we’re all humans and it’s something we have to deal with and strive to avoid daily.
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This pretty much exactly describes my feelings on the issue. We are all tempted by different things. Being a young adult today is very hard - I can attest to that. I am a traditional Catholic, not lapsed or even questioning Church teaching, but I gave in to the temptation as well … after 26 years.

As for the subjective aspect of all of this, I still know that what I did was gravely sinful and I would never encourage the behavior nor want anyone else to repeat my mistakes, but somehow, having been through all of this now, I have a greater appreciation for the struggles that we all face in life and I am now a lot less quick to pass judgment on my fellow Catholics who struggle with other sins, or even the same sin. Before these things in my life happened, I was pretty quick to judge others who fell into this sin, and I couldn’t understand why a Catholic would ever struggle with this. Now I understand that we are all weak and we are all in equal need of the Mercy of God, without whose infinite mercy and forgiveness we would be lost. 🙂
 
Other posters on this topic have very rightly said that sex before marriage is a sin whether we considered it was a sin or not.

The point becomes convoluded for me now. We had sex because we allowed ourselves to be in certain situations where we were vulnerable. We knew what we were doing, knew it was a sin, and let ourselves succumb to temptation. I thought that because we were in love and intending to be married was a mitigating factor. My wife didn’t agree and yet she had sex with me anyway.

I think I choose not to answer the poll, because the sinfulness aside, we were being human and all we have now is the mercy of God, that at least what we did we did out of love, and we’'ve progressed since then.
 
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