To what extent do you share personal info with your spouse?

[Litcrit]

The other thread got me thinking… I’d always sorta assumed married people had no secrets, as I witnessed my parents tease each other about past relationships, gaining weight, going bald, and discuss what celebrities they thought were attractive, etc. My husband and I pretty much discuss everything on our minds openly, no hard feelings, we know we’re both human.

But I realized for some some of this might be offensive or unpleasant.

How far do you go? Do you discuss your temptations and faith life with your spouse? If you saw or talked to an attractive person of the opposite sex and were tempted? If you’re currently not very much in love with your spouse or are thinking they’ve gained weight or need a haircut or something? (Not that you’d judge them or anything, just noticin’ stuff. ) Do you share if you’re just a bit irritated by something your ILs said or did? Problems at work or in your family?

Is there ANYTHING that is ‘none of their business’ when it comes to your spouse?

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

In my marriage I share more openly with my hubby than he with me…but I think that may be just a guy thing. We tease each other about weight gain (only if we know it won’t hurt feelings), stupid things we have done etc. We just basically try not to hurt eachother. So I wouldn’t tease my hubby about, let’s say a past relationship where he was badly hurt. But if he dated a girl with giant hair I would, lol. You know, minor stuff.

There is nothing in my marriage that is “none of his business”… but I do use prudence about what (and how much) to share. For instance, some women can go on and on about how their MIL is really ticking them off…not once giving thought that they are still speaking about their husband’s mother. Unless there is something he can DO about it, best not to put him in that situation (too often).

**As for deeper issues…if I saw a man at the grocery store (or wherever) and I found him attractive, circumstances would dictate whether or not I share that with hubby. If he is in a bad mood, busy, or tired, probably not a good idea. If he is none of those things then I would share if I could turn it into a bit of humor. But I would never say “hey honey, saw a guy today and boy was he good looking! He was bigger than you, taller than you, and looked richer than you”. As you can tell, I am exaggerating to make my point. No one would really say that (I hope) but sometimes what we DO say could feel just like that to our spouse.

edit: I grew up in a home with a lot of “teasing”…but it wasn’t always good natured so it took awhile to get the right balance with hubby
**

 

[cthulhubryan]

Is there ANYTHING that is ‘none of their business’ when it comes to your spouse?

We have an agreement. Tom Selleck is not allowed at the house unless he brings Minnie Driver along for me

 

[Magicsilence]

But I would never say “hey honey, saw a guy today and boy was he good looking! He was bigger than you, taller than you, and looked richer than you”.

I read this through as what you WOULD say to DH, and I thought, you must have a forgiving DH

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

I read this through as what you WOULD say to DH, and I thought, you must have a forgiving DH

**
LOL, actually I probably COULD say it as a joke…but I don’t think I’d like the next joke he would make after that**

 

[Island_Oak]

We definitely have zones of privacy that we respect in regard to each other. I don’t open mail addressed to my dh nor he mine. I wouldn’t dream of getting into his phone and checking message, numbers dialed, etc. and would expect the same of him. None of this has anything to do with maintaining secrets or separate lives…to both of us it seems like common courtesy. Questions are never out of bounds and if there was some reason for concern–we’d deal with it.

 

[whatevergirl]

LOL–Malia, that’s funny!

I share pretty much everything with my spouse, but I’m not going to tell him something that would cause any type of unncessary angst between us. We don’t share what we confess to the priest, for example–sometimes we do, sometimes we don’t. I don’t believe that as my dh’s wife, I need to know his private confession to Christ.

This topic brings to mind something…

I wonder sometimes, how many spouses are aware of some of the posters’ discussions of them on here. My husband is registered on here, and sees me post on here when I’m on here. I share a lot of what is said, and what I post, and he could see it if he so chose to by logging in. Of course, he doesn’t micromanage…lol But, the point of what I’m saying is, I don’t sneak to come on here, and I can’t help but wonder, with some of the negative posts about people’s spouses, if the spouse knows they post here. If you wouldn’t say it to your spouse’s face, it is best to be careful how you present your spouse to others on here. Despite the fact that this is an anonymous board, it is irrelevant when it comes to the respect that we show to our spouses, if we are one way on here, and another way offline to them.

I’m not talking about one time posters who are having serious issues with their spouses, and they post about their problems, and they are never to be seen again. I’m talking about regulars on here who post things that are not very positive about their spouses, or use the board to vent about their spouse
Often times, those posters say what a great marriage they have, but yet talk about their spouses on here in sarcastic ways.

If you wouldn’t tell your spouse what you type here, you shouldn’t type it here. If you would be embarassed about your spouse seeing what you post here, it’s best to not post it here. I had a neighbor who used to gossip about her husband’s snoring, and said some embarassing things about him…nothing earth shattering, but when he was around, she acted like a different person. I couldn’t imagine disparaging my husband like that to anyone, let alone a neighbor. He would have been very sad to hear the things she said. I didn’t hang around her, needless to say, very long. I think the same holds true for the internet. Again, this sentiment is more for the regular posters here, than the one time posters who are seeking serious advice for a deeply troubled marriage. (and therefore have to provide some background about their spouses to get advice) Oh, and I notice men do it more than the women on here, interestingly enough.

Sorry, didn’t mean to get off topic, but I thought it comes full circle with being open and honest with our spouses.

 

[whatevergirl]

We have an agreement. Tom Selleck is not allowed at the house unless he brings Minnie Driver along for me

LOL

 

[Sina]

I am pretty confident that my husband and I share everything together. Even, yes even what kinds of poops we had. Seriously… I know that is gross but we do!

Anytime we learn something new about each other, we just find it so fascinating.

We have been married 2 years so maybe that makes a difference?? What about other posters?? Do you think how long you have been married makes a difference??

 

[whatevergirl]

I am pretty confident that my husband and I share everything together. Even, yes even what kinds of poops we had. Seriously… I know that is gross but we do!

Oh my gosh, we do too. How funny…we’re not alone, yay! That is so cute though that you do that–you care about each other’s health. (that is how I interpret that) Well, I’m kind of fiber-obsessed with my dh and the kids…so I ask them every day how their poops are. I know, sick. LOL

Anytime we learn something new about each other, we just find it so fascinating.

After almost 18 years of marriage, when we discover something new…it is so great!

We have been married 2 years so maybe that makes a difference?? What about other posters?? Do you think how long you have been married makes a difference??

I think the longer two people are married, the most comfortable they should be in sharing most everything with their spouses. Maybe the types of things being shared just changes. You sound like you’re off to a great start w/your marriage…God bless.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

I am pretty confident that my husband and I share everything together. Even, yes even what kinds of poops we had. Seriously… I know that is gross but we do!

**And I thought I was the only one, lol…no way was I going to be the first one to post that!

Unfortunately, I am all too honest in the category and hubby would rather not hear it… oh well, lol.**

It is so funny when he decides to “get me back” and tell me what a big poop he just did (or something like that) and it doesn’t gross me out. Then he gets all mad that it didn’t gross me out… I’m like “honey, YOU are the one who gets grossed out” and then proceed to share another “story” with him.

OK, probably way too much info, but deal with it, it’s FUNNY:bounce:

 

[ack]

I wonder sometimes, how many spouses are aware of some of the posters’ discussions of them on here.

.
.
.

I’m not talking about one time posters who are having serious issues with their spouses, and they post about their problems, and they are never to be seen again. I’m talking about regulars on here who post things that are not very positive about their spouses, or use the board to vent about their spouse

I wonder the same thing. Hypothetically, if I came on here and saw that my spouse was telling the entire world about my shortcomings and asking everyone how to deal with them, I would NOT be happy.

 

[chevalier]

Never been married, but I think certain things had better remain private. Not like they’re secrets but it’s not like you need to talk about absolutely everything that happens no matter how trivial, indecorous or embarrassing. Or simply boring. At least to one party.

 

[whatevergirl]

I wonder the same thing. Hypothetically, if I came on here and saw that my spouse was telling the entire world about my shortcomings and asking everyone how to deal with them, I would NOT be happy.

Yes, I know. Me, too. Especially if I didn’t know he was posting here, or if he was getting advice from mainly women on how to “handle” my shortcomings. Yikes, I cringe when I read those threads. (again, I am speaking of regular posters who habitually put their spouses down in some fashion)

I didn’t mean to go off on a rant though earlier.

The internet can become a secret life for some, too. (is really all I was trying to say! lol)

 

[Sina]

**And I thought I was the only one, lol…no way was I going to be the first one to post that!

Unfortunately, I am all too honest in the category and hubby would rather not hear it… oh well, lol.**

It is so funny when he decides to “get me back” and tell me what a big poop he just did (or something like that) and it doesn’t gross me out. Then he gets all mad that it didn’t gross me out… I’m like “honey, YOU are the one who gets grossed out” and then proceed to share another “story” with him.

OK, probably way too much info, but deal with it, it’s FUNNY:bounce:

teeeheeeee funny how funny poop is eh?

 

[Phemie]

We have an agreement. Tom Selleck is not allowed at the house unless he brings Minnie Driver along for me

With us it was “Honey, I’ll always be faithful – unless Kris Kristofferson shows up one day.” I think for him it was Diane on “The Price Is Right”.

But there are definitely things I don’t share with him. If it’s going to hurt him, no way am I telling – and that includes things I found out about his family that he doesn’t know.

 

[hasikelee]

How far do you go? Do you discuss your temptations and faith life with your spouse? If you saw or talked to an attractive person of the opposite sex and were tempted? If you’re currently not very much in love with your spouse or are thinking they’ve gained weight or need a haircut or something? (Not that you’d judge them or anything, just noticin’ stuff. ) Do you share if you’re just a bit irritated by something your ILs said or did? Problems at work or in your family?

Is there ANYTHING that is ‘none of their business’ when it comes to your spouse?

Way back before marriage, we were reading Dr. Harley’s books. In them, he talks about what he calls his “policy of radical honesty.” We both really liked the idea behind his “policy” and agreed to follow it in our relationship.

That being said, I’ve noticed that “complete honesty” can be a keyword for “permission to bludgeon my spouse.” I think that honesty gets a bad rap in marriages b/c spouses don’t lay down ground rules and keep respect in the conversation. Just as arguments are viewed as bad b/c the stereotype is of two people hurting each other. With ground rules, honesty can be a vital component of a healthy relationship.