Toddlers in mass?

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Hi everyone! Well, I have three children (all boys) at present, a 4 y.o., 2 y.o. and an infant. We’ve been attending mass as a family for a few months now. But, with our toddler things are getting increasingly difficult. That is, he is becoming more unruly with each Sunday mass. I don’t know what they answer is, nor do I have any ideas of what to do about this. I see other families altogether in mass, but I don’t know how to keep my toddler quiet and behaving decently. It has become quite frustrating for me, since I have to remove him from mass at least twice each Sunday.

Any ideas for help? What have others here done in such situations? If at all possible, I’d like to avoid dropping him in the nursery because I think it’s good for him to be exposed to the mass, but am I being unreasonable in this?
 
I have three girls, 5,2, and 8 months. As of last week they all go to the childcare center at our parish. I don’t think it is fair to expect them to get anything out of attending mass at this age. I especially don’t think it is fair to the nice people sitting in our section to have to listen to my children either. My parish has been blessed with a childcare center that takes them from infancy through age 5, so my oldest will start attending mass with us when she turns six. I do take her to mass when there is a children’s liturgy which is about once a month. I feel that for me my wife and I to be able to be present at mass and be attentive, and to be able to participate without interuption helps us to be better Christians and for that matter better parents. As far as attending as a family, keep in mind that most kids are in THEIR OWN world until they hit 6 or 7 anyway.
 
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RichT:
I have three girls, 5,2, and 8 months. As of last week they all go to the childcare canter at our parish. I don’t think it is fair to expect them to get anything out of attending mass at this age. I especially don’t think it is fair to the nice people sitting in our section to have to listen to my children either. My parish has been blessed with a childcare center that takes them from infancy through age 5, so my oldest will start attending mass with us when she turns six. I do take her to mass when there is a children’s liturgy which is about once a month. I feel that for me my wife and I to be able to be present at mass and be attentive, and to be able to participate without interuption helps us to be better Christians and for that matter better parents. As far as attending as a family, keep in mind that most kids are in THEIR OWN world until they hit 6 or 7 anyway.
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Thank you for replying. Well, our firstborn is especially bright and already a little interested in the liturgy, so we would not remove him. (Also, we have no childcare center as you do; ours is for infants and toddlers only.) As for the infant, he is breastfeeding, so that pretty much rules him out of being removed too.

I understand what you mean about wanting to be attentive. I feel the struggle too. However, my family is my vocation, as per Catholic teaching. This is my most serious responsibility, so it would feel to me a bit like I’m behaving as if I don’t have children if at every mass I dropped them off. I’ve also read in a few sources how things like CCD (or ‘PSR’) are good for children and should be encouraged. However, the primary place in which to learn about and encounter God is in the liturgical celebration of the mass. I don’t know. If I have to, I’ll of course remove him. But, it seems to me that the earlier he learns to appreciate the worship in mass (at least, little aspects of that worship), the better. And there are numerous other families who ostensibly bring all their children, even the youngest.
 
In addition to this thread, try the thread called “Bringing Children to Mass.” It has many good ideas for keeping your sanity at Mass with children in tow. One thing I do (I have a three-year old) is go to morning Mass when he’s not yet tired or cranky and bring snacks for him, like cereal, that take some time to eat. Eating at Mass is probably not the best habit to start him on, but it works right now to keep him “entertained.” I’ve tried bringing books for him to look at, but then he just wants me to read the books to him all Mass!

I also agree with Rich that there is no need to feel guilty about putting your kids at the nursery if this is an option. Mass is not designed for kids whose attention span is 10-20 minutes or so. Good luck.
Lisa
 
I have no problem with children at church, in fact i think the parent that does not bring them robs the child of part of the magic and mystery of Mass…

now if your control (or lack of it) is at issue here, and you let your sweet little thing make those around you think un-christian thoughts, well, shame on you, and you need a wippen…

Part of growing up is being dragged from the service and having your butt polished if you can’t behave… Now, i didn’t say “Abused”… i said polished…

Stand up and be a man (or a WO-man) and demand proper behavior from your bratt…errr… child 😃 …

Seriously, 👍
 
Bring the children to me… boy I just can’t remember who said that… LOL
Bring the children to mass. Please.
 
We have three girls ages 6, 4 and 1 and I usually attend Mass alone with them. It can sometimes get to be a bit like a wrestling match, but struggles aside, I think it is harder for them to get into the habit of sitting still and listening by not bringing them on a regular basis.

I do make use of various coping techniques however. My 1-year-old is walking and sometimes a bit fidgety. I do sometimes leave her at home with my husband. Sometimes she is in the middle of a nap too and I leave her at home rather than always bring her. I have heard many parents say they attend different Masses so that one can stay home with the little ones and the other attend and then switch.

I also have used the nursery occasionally for my older daughters when they were 2 and 3 years old. Since we are converts, the novelty of playing with the kneelers and such took a time to wear off and some Sundays it was just a bit much to deal with. I think it is important to admit that sometimes we are weak and not able to adequately handle all the monkey business our children get in to. Using the nursery or leaving them at home occasionally isn’t going to ruin them for life, nor will it cause the destruction of your family.

I do understand the idea of attending Mass together as a couple and as a family to strengthen the family bonds and receive those graces together, but it isn’t meant to be an all-or-nothing proposition. I remember reading St. Therese’s “Story of a Soul” in which she described being left at home with a maid or nurse while her parents and older siblings went to Mass until she was old enough to behave. (Presumably the nurse went to Mass earlier or later.)

Sometimes you have to remember that certain situations in our life are temporary. Perhaps one child is a dynamo and really has a hard time sitting still for that hour or more. Another child is happy to sit in your lap and only has problems when ill or tired. You know what is in the best interests of your child. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer to this question.

Sit up front so he or she can see what is going on. Try to attend a Mass time that is earlier in the day when your child is fresh and not cranky and ready for a nap. Or attend the evening Mass for a while if your child winds down then and might actually fall asleep in Mass. My six year old sometimes holds the baby on her lap during Mass and just that little change of scenery often settles her down.

Prepare your child for Mass by talking to him or her about what is happening there. Bring a small picture book or some favorite holy cards or saint figures but not juice or crackers. See www.chcweb.com for some great resources for toddlers and preschoolers to keep focused or busy during Mass.

First & Lastly, pray for patience! Pray to act just as if you were Jesus gently loving your child and helping him to learn about God.

Hang in there! It goes by quickly.
 
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Magnanimity:
I have three children (all boys) at present, a 4 y.o., 2 y.o. and an infant.
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Hi, We have 6 children, 14,12,10,8,5,2. We have been where you are many times, and still are since our 2 year old is the 2nd most active of all our children, ever. Either my husband and I have to leave Mass with her several times. We just keep on being consistent, telling her to be quiet and when she is not, we get up and leave. I firmly believe children belong in Mass since they are blessed by the graces from the sacrifice of the Mass. They also learn very early on the importance of attending Mass. Just remember that this stage will pass and all too soon you’ll be looking up at them ( instead of down) wondering where the time went. Make Mass central to your lives, attend daily Mass if you can, try and have them sit and color or play quietly (with something that would be appropriate to take to church) at home during the rosary…these are good training grounds since it helps them learn to sit still and be quiet.

A nun once told me: when you attend Mass and are able to be totally absorbed in it, that is God’s gift to you. When you attend Mass and you feel like you were only physically present and spent the majority of your time wrestling with your toddles, that is your gift to God. He created these precious souls and yearns for their faces to be in the presence of His Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity. If they aren’t there, it is a sorrow in His heart.
 
Suffer the little children unto me…(being the good Catholic I am, I don’t know the chapter, verse and paraphrasing) but I know that Jesus said it.

Notice He did not say moms and dads suffer! I know what you are going through - our youngest two are fourteen months apart and when they were tiny, I went to Mass physically,(many times alone because my husband was working and could not attend) but I don’t think I remember one thing except for receiving the Most Holy Eucharist. Which I needed for Grace to get me through the Mass and the week!

But oh that Eucharist! And oh how the children learned that there was a time in their lives, tiny as they were, that Jesus was present and that we needed to honor Him. My boys squiggled and squirmed, cried and laughed, slept and spit up…and I MISS those days!

Your children will grow up way too fast and one day, you will also be writing about how you miss the days when they were tiny and you struggled with them at Mass. God is rewarding you right here and right now for “Suffering the little children unto Him”

God Bless you and your beautiful little ones. If I am sitting next to you in Mass, believe me, I will lend you a hand…I remember - so fondly.
 
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Magnanimity:
Hi everyone! Well, I have three children (all boys) at present, a 4 y.o., 2 y.o. and an infant. We’ve been attending mass as a family for a few months now. But, with our toddler things are getting increasingly difficult. That is, he is becoming more unruly with each Sunday mass. I don’t know what they answer is, nor do I have any ideas of what to do about this. I see other families altogether in mass, but I don’t know how to keep my toddler quiet and behaving decently. It has become quite frustrating for me, since I have to remove him from mass at least twice each Sunday.

Any ideas for help? What have others here done in such situations? If at all possible, I’d like to avoid dropping him in the nursery because I think it’s good for him to be exposed to the mass, but am I being unreasonable in this?
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