Told Wife I Wanted to Become a Catholic- Angry Reaction

[CRC72]

Jesus said, “Anyone who loves father, mother, husband, wife, son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”

So, don’t let her or her threats stop you from joining the Body of Christ.

There are spirit-filled believers in Protestant churches, and spirit-filled believers in Catholic Churches.

 

[Dorothy]

There are spirit-filled believers in Protestant churches, and spirit-filled believers in Catholic Churches.

Yes, that is true…but we Catholics believe that the Catholic faith contains all the truths Jesus Christ wants us to have.

 

[leamar3]

She told me on our walk today that she would never set foot in a Catholic Church, because she thinks they’re evil. Maybe she’ll get curious. Until then, I’m gonna go and just do it.

I haven’t converted yet, but I have recently started RCIA. I fought off the urges that I kept feeling to find out more about Catholicism for months, because I know the feelings that my relatives and friends have toward the Catholic Church. Yet it was something that I just couldn’t shake. I felt like every time I turned around God was giving me signs to follow him to the Church. I finally just decided the same exact thing that you state here. I feel like yes, you do just have to do it. If you don’t you’ll just keep thinking about it. In your heart, you know that it’s the church as intended by God and knowing that, you can’t reject it. I tried and tried some more, but God’s calling is strong. I know how hard it is to explain to your loved ones. I still haven’t told my father in law (he’s a member of the free masons), but I’m going to tell him when I see him this weekend. I think you’re doing the right thing by going for it.

You may already know about the following resources, but just in case…here’s a link to the Catholic Answers youtube channel.youtube.com/user/catholiccom Patrick Coffin is an awesome host, and he has great guests on his shows- to include those versed in apologetics, priests, etc. Maybe you can turn her onto his show. It also comes on EWTN radio, if you have that channel in your area. Also, The Journey Home hosted by Marcus Grodi will help you to strengthen your decision. I listen to that when sometimes I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. His guests share their stories on their journey to the Catholic Church. youtube.com/watch?v=HKJPOncjgv8&list=PL97DC29A06F85B07E

I will pray for you and your journey! God Bless!

 

[MJJean]

I went to RCIA for the first time last night. She was not happy.

When I got home, she started being snarky, and asked me if I brought home any literature. She said she doesn’t want any Catholic literature in “her home”.

Shortly after that she went on a long tirade telling me that if I pursue this, then she was going to kick me out of the house and divorce me. Being a house husband who has been unsuccessfully looking for work, I would then become homeless. She said that if I was so adamant on pursuing this, then I could go to the church and tell them about my predicament after she kicks me out of the house and then see if they will help me.

She uses these types of threats regularly every time she gets angry.

Unfortunately, she has an extreme amount of leverage on me, and I have decided that I will not pursue this any further. She’s already guilt tripping me enough for NOT having a job. I don’t need any more strife in the home right now with no place to go if she initiates divorce.

One more thing: in the past she has consulted with psychics, and in fact put a curse one of her former bosses. This boss ended up getting fired months later. I have no idea if she has an entity following her around and advising her or not. Just a thought.

I have also investigating things like Witchcraft and Satanism in the past when I was an atheist. I’m not sure if this has anything to do with my situation, either.

She has a pretty good sense of intuition. She knew I was talking to you guys without saying anything about it. She was also questioning me one time why I wanted to attend both a catholic church and a protestant church with her. She thought that was strange. She questioned me on that after I typed that out in this thread. I have no idea if this is a coincidence or something else.

As far as literature goes, it’s your home, too.

She cannot legally throw you out of the marital home. Even if she initiated divorce proceedings you have the right to live there until the court decides what is to be done.

She also doesn’t have some 6th sense or super intuition. She probably has a keylogger installed on the computer and/or checked your internet browsing history to find out what you have been doing online.

And if her religious upbringing and beliefs were why she has such a problem with Catholicism they would also have prohibited her from using psychics and placing curses on people.

Frankly, I cannot understand why you are trying to preserve a “marriage” to a thrice married woman who treats you with such cruelty and lack of respect. I can understand her feeling stressed and frustrated at your unemployment, but to constantly threaten divorce, guilt trip, throw tantrums and manipulate you to get her own way regardless of your feelings or spiritual calling is something I wouldn’t tolerate.

As far as the Catholic Church is concerned, your “marriage” is invalid because she is still married to her first husband since she has not gotten an annulment. If you were to convert and if she did decide to divorce you it wouldn’t take much for you to have a Decree of Nullity granted. Just something to think about.

 

[CRC72]

As far as literature goes, it’s your home, too.

She cannot legally throw you out of the marital home. Even if she initiated divorce proceedings you have the right to live there until the court decides what is to be done.

She also doesn’t have some 6th sense or super intuition. She probably has a keylogger installed on the computer and/or checked your internet browsing history to find out what you have been doing online.

And if her religious upbringing and beliefs were why she has such a problem with Catholicism they would also have prohibited her from using psychics and placing curses on people.

Frankly, I cannot understand why you are trying to preserve a “marriage” to a thrice married woman who treats you with such cruelty and lack of respect. I can understand her feeling stressed and frustrated at your unemployment, but to constantly threaten divorce, guilt trip, throw tantrums and manipulate you to get her own way regardless of your feelings or spiritual calling is something I wouldn’t tolerate.

As far as the Catholic Church is concerned, your “marriage” is invalid because she is still married to her first husband since she has not gotten an annulment. If you were to convert and if she did decide to divorce you it wouldn’t take much for you to have a Decree of Nullity granted. Just something to think about.

I think you’re right. For weeks now I have been thinking this same thing.

Thank you all for your charitable responses.

 

[CarolNoel]

I am so sorry that you are having such difficulty with your wife.

I am going through an annulment as we speak. I was married and divorced. I remarried a wonderful man who was raised Catholic but had fallen away. When he decided to return to the Church I decided to also attend Mass. My first Mass was such a moving experience I decided to convert to Catholicism. I am currently in RCIA and awaiting a Decree of Nullity so that I can receive the Sacraments and have my current marriage convalidated. The waiting is hard. I long for the Sacraments. But I know that when the waiting is over it will be that much sweeter.

Here are some link that may help regarding marriage and annulment.

Great answer and post for tor the OP, and I also pray that your annulment comes through.

 

[shainski]

I would have a hard time dealing with a person who threatened divorce so cavalierly. So you avoid one mine in the minefield - but you always have another somewhere in front of you.

The Catholic church is a big place. And it has its share of problems. It is an easy target. Whenever any organization is big enough, you can always point to its weakest members and find things to dislike - or even hate.

So with some sympathy to its ranks, I say. The Jehova Witnesses are not totally unfamiliar with child sexual abuse.

I would daresay that no organization of any size is immune.

However, that doesn’t solve your problem. Your wife - for whatever reason - has an ax to grind with Catholicism. And she is putting up a wall - so that you can’t talk to her in a rational manner.

So while the advice may be good to a rational opponent - “let’s go to church together - let’s be open-minded - and explore this together” - she isn’t going to do any of that.

So let’s turn this around for a moment. If she wanted to join an organization that you were totally against - and unwilling to try to find out more about - what would be your reaction? What strategies could she employ to get you to at least try it out? She doesn’t sound like she is that serious about the fundamentalist church - so that’s not really a valid comparison.

So how long have you been married? (and if you don’t mind - how long have her two previous marriages lasted?) Is she a spiritual person on some level? Why did you marry her? and why did she marry you?

I ask because i wonder what drives her? How do you each respect on another? I would not hold something over her head that she has shown such disdain. I would try to do my own research under the radar until i knew what it was I was seeking - and why.

And i would be cautious of attributing her perception to some kind of occult. That she knows you well enough to guess what you might be up to is that she is highly perceptive. That her former boss was fired is also coincidence. Don’t build up some kind of supernatural power that she has in your mind.

 

[eyesopening]

Please don’t take this the wrong way, but if she’s threatening divorce with every breath she’s gonna find some reason in the future to divorce no matter what you do. (Besides, since she’s been married a couple of times before your marriage isn’t valid anyway.) I’d keep going to RCIA and if she’s gonna divorce you, well…what can ya do? I don’t mean that to sound like I’m sarcastic or that I don’t care what you’re going through, I do! All I’m saying is that you’re only responsible for someone else’s actions to a point. Beyond that, you can’t control what they do, say, or feel.

 

[CRC72]

So how long have you been married? (and if you don’t mind - how long have her two previous marriages lasted?) Is she a spiritual person on some level? Why did you marry her? and why did she marry you?

I ask because i wonder what drives her? How do you each respect on another? I would not hold something over her head that she has shown such disdain. I would try to do my own research under the radar until i knew what it was I was seeking - and why.

And i would be cautious of attributing her perception to some kind of occult. That she knows you well enough to guess what you might be up to is that she is highly perceptive. That her former boss was fired is also coincidence. Don’t build up some kind of supernatural power that she has in your mind.

Firstly, I just wanted to say that she has NOT installed a key logger on my machine. I am the IT expert, as I work in IT and know computers. She can’t do that. She can barely use her laptop. She is intuitive, all women are. I have no idea whether or not this is supernatural. Satanic forces may be communicating with her, or they may not be. This is an area for those with discernment.

We’ve been married since May of 2004. I think her first marriage lasted for only a few years. She got pregnant out of wedlock with her son (who is now 29), and then shortly thereafter left when I think he was 3 or 4. Her attitude (which she has told me many times) is that if something doesn’t go her way she’ll just get a lawyer and divorce. She has admitted to me that she went into this marriage just to use the guy, take his money and get out. So she saved money that he gave her, and then moved out when she had enough.

Her second husband was doing drugs and has passed away a couple of years ago. She left him many years prior to him passing away.

She is a spiritual person, believes in God and Jesus but doesn’t go to church. Every Sunday she gets up and watches Joel Osteen in the morning and calls that church. She doesn’t read or anything like that.

I married her while living in sin because we were living together and I had never been married before, so I figured it was time to settle down and do it. I have never been in love with her. She married me because she “loved” me.

Narcissism is what drives her. That’s the only thing I can figure out. She absolutely does NOT respect me as a man or as her husband. To her, man figures are there for her pleasure, not the other way around. Furthermore, she is verbally and times physically abusive (poking, prodding, hitting, pinching). She knows that if I were ever to retaliate physically (which I will NOT do), she would call the cops and they would arrest me.

This situation is my fault. Had I been in Christ, I don’t think I would be dealing with this situation, because I would have been sober when I met her.

 

[Allegra]

I think you should keep on with the RCIA. It seems to me you have little to lose and everything to gain.

 

[MJCamp]

Firstly, I just wanted to say that she has NOT installed a key logger on my machine. I am the IT expert, as I work in IT and know computers. She can’t do that. She can barely use her laptop. She is intuitive, all women are. I have no idea whether or not this is supernatural. Satanic forces may be communicating with her, or they may not be. This is an area for those with discernment.

We’ve been married since May of 2004. I think her first marriage lasted for only a few years. She got pregnant out of wedlock with her son (who is now 29), and then shortly thereafter left when I think he was 3 or 4. Her attitude (which she has told me many times) is that if something doesn’t go her way she’ll just get a lawyer and divorce. She has admitted to me that she went into this marriage just to use the guy, take his money and get out. So she saved money that he gave her, and then moved out when she had enough.

Her second husband was doing drugs and has passed away a couple of years ago. She left him many years prior to him passing away.

She is a spiritual person, believes in God and Jesus but doesn’t go to church. Every Sunday she gets up and watches Joel Osteen in the morning and calls that church. She doesn’t read or anything like that.

I married her while living in sin because we were living together and I had never been married before, so I figured it was time to settle down and do it. I have never been in love with her. She married me because she “loved” me.

Narcissism is what drives her. That’s the only thing I can figure out. She absolutely does NOT respect me as a man or as her husband. To her, man figures are there for her pleasure, not the other way around. Furthermore, she is verbally and times physically abusive (poking, prodding, hitting, pinching). She knows that if I were ever to retaliate physically (which I will NOT do), she would call the cops and they would arrest me.

This situation is my fault. Had I been in Christ, I don’t think I would be dealing with this situation, because I would have been sober when I met her.

Tough situation…trust in God first. If you feel he is guiding you to go to RCIA then keep doing what your heart says. Let God take care of the rest. There will be struggles but those struggles will test and make you a holier person. Once she sees that you are not joining a cult and that the Catholic Church is molding you into a better Christian maybe she will have a change of heart. Pray for her

 

[leamar3]

I’m trying not to judge her or your situation (and I could be totally wrong-if so, please correct me), but it seems as though your wife may be lacking some essential social/family values. Which could be why she doesn’t want to have anything to do with the Catholic Church. It’s easy to say that one loves God and believes, but it’s another to show it. Someone who truly believes wouldn’t treat you the way that she treats you. I would hardly say that this is your fault. When I got married, my preacher told me and my husband that marriage isn’t 50/50, it’s 100/100. We are each 100% responsible for our marriage. Therefore, one person can’t be totally to blame. I wish you the best, and I pray that everything will work out for you.

 

[MJCamp]

I’m trying not to judge her or your situation (and I could be totally wrong-if so, please correct me), but it seems as though your wife may be lacking some essential social/family values. Which could be why she doesn’t want to have anything to do with the Catholic Church. It’s easy to say that one loves God and believes, but it’s another to show it. Someone who truly believes wouldn’t treat you the way that she treats you. I would hardly say that this is your fault. When I got married, my preacher told me and my husband that marriage isn’t 50/50, it’s 100/100. We are each 100% responsible for our marriage. Therefore, one person can’t be totally to blame. I wish you the best, and I pray that everything will work out for you.

This is true…it is hard to face the truth sometimes. I rejectex the truth myself for many years and was deceived by the evil one and modern culture

 

[MJJean]

Firstly, I just wanted to say that she has NOT installed a key logger on my machine. I am the IT expert, as I work in IT and know computers. She can’t do that. She can barely use her laptop. She is intuitive, all women are. I have no idea whether or not this is supernatural. Satanic forces may be communicating with her, or they may not be. This is an area for those with discernment.

We’ve been married since May of 2004. I think her first marriage lasted for only a few years. She got pregnant out of wedlock with her son (who is now 29), and then shortly thereafter left when I think he was 3 or 4. Her attitude (which she has told me many times) is that if something doesn’t go her way she’ll just get a lawyer and divorce. She has admitted to me that she went into this marriage just to use the guy, take his money and get out. So she saved money that he gave her, and then moved out when she had enough.

Her second husband was doing drugs and has passed away a couple of years ago. She left him many years prior to him passing away.

She is a spiritual person, believes in God and Jesus but doesn’t go to church. Every Sunday she gets up and watches Joel Osteen in the morning and calls that church. She doesn’t read or anything like that.

I married her while living in sin because we were living together and I had never been married before, so I figured it was time to settle down and do it. I have never been in love with her. She married me because she “loved” me.

Narcissism is what drives her. That’s the only thing I can figure out. She absolutely does NOT respect me as a man or as her husband. To her, man figures are there for her pleasure, not the other way around. Furthermore, she is verbally and times physically abusive (poking, prodding, hitting, pinching). She knows that if I were ever to retaliate physically (which I will NOT do), she would call the cops and they would arrest me.

This situation is my fault. Had I been in Christ, I don’t think I would be dealing with this situation, because I would have been sober when I met her.

So, basically, you are “married” to a woman who says she will (and she has in the past…twice) file for divorce if everything doesn’t go her way and has threatened divorce on a regular basis while treating you badly and without respect. She is emotionally and physically abusive. She wants to control you right down to your personal spiritual beliefs.

Any chance she would go to marriage counseling?

I think you should keep on with the RCIA. It seems to me you have little to lose and everything to gain.

I agree. If I were our OP I think I would simply quietly continue RCIA and let my wife throw fits and rage all she wants. I wouldn’t engage with her at all. No arguing, explaining, apologizing, fighting or drama. Eventually she will run out of steam and either file for divorce or accept it.

 

[CRC72]

No, no chance that I know that she would go to marriage counseling. In fact, I’ve asked her in the distant passed and her answer was an emphatic ‘no’. I’m seeing the writing on the wall. This will end soon.

Thanks for all the responses. God is at work on the these forums.

 

[Allegra]

No, no chance that I know that she would go to marriage counseling. In fact, I’ve asked her in the distant passed and her answer was an emphatic ‘no’. I’m seeing the writing on the wall. This will end soon.

Thanks for all the responses. God is at work on the these forums.

Don’t give up yet. Go to RCIA. Who knows what sort of graces God has in store for you and your family.

 

[CRC72]

Don’t give up yet. Go to RCIA. Who knows what sort of graces God has in store for you and your family.

I think I will. I was really discouraged the next day after the tiff and wanted to give up. Thanks.

 

[MJCamp]

I think I will. I was really discouraged the next day after the tiff and wanted to give up. Thanks.

Follow your heart. God puts all of us through trials and tests us. In the end you will be closer to Him and you never know what fruits the future will bear