Too Much Football!

[BlueEyedLady]

Do you really have a lot of fond memories of sitting on a couch watching a game together? I’m not being facetious. I have a handful of fond memories of important, memorable games, but how many games actually qualify for that? (And for the record, I’m not including games where you’re actually at the game. I believe that’s apples and oranges.) I can really only think of 3-4 football games and a dozen or so baseball games that we watched on TV that were really memorable. The average Sunday games are a blur at best.

Are you kidding? I have tons of fond memories of sitting in the living room and watching games with my family. When I was a kid/teenager/young adult, most of these memories involve my older brother. We have both always wanted to be close, but for most of my life the age gap just didn’t make it possible. Once I got old enough that it didn’t matter anymore, I lived across the country. Football was always kind of our equalizer.

As an adult the sport is something that my husband and I take great joy in together.

It’s like any other hobby. As a kid I have lots of fond memories sitting on the couch playing marbles with my grandmother. Is marbles a waste of time? Sure. But spending time with my grandma and getting into our little competitions was fun. And sometimes when we would go to the store together we would look for new marbles to play with, because we both liked to find ones with pretty or interesting designs. Of course I don’t remember who beat who on any given day, and I may not remember every detail of our conversations, but I remember how good it felt and how happy we were.

But I think the best way to demonstrate my point is by pointing to my brother and grandfather. My grandpa died before I was born, but my brother was very close to him. They watched football together every Sunday. As with the marbles, my brother doesn’t remember every game, who won, or everything that was said. But when we watch football he always shares memories of grandpa. “Grandpa’s favorite part of the game was ______”, “Grandpa always said _________”, “When my team was losing Grandpa would ______”, “Grandpa and I would always ________ during the game”. “I remember the time that Grandpa ______”. He’s a broken record, but he likes sharing his memories and I like hearing them. I’ve been listening to him talk about Grandpa for years, but every time he tells me something it’s something I haven’t heard before. (I guess it’s fair though. Every time I cook anything every other sentence that comes out of my mouth starts with “My grandma would always…”)

My guess is that the brothers of the person I responded to feel the same way. When their father dies, they will have all of those memories. When they watch games together they will talk about their father and remember the things he said and did, and what he taught them. They will tell those stories to their kids and try to make the same kinds of memories. Because the sister doesn’t want to spend just 4 hours sucking it up and bonding with her family, she won’t be a part of it.

 

[EasterJoy]

I don’t think the issue is that some folks don’t like football. It’s that we/they are frustrated by every minute of every family gathering being dominated by the games.

EasterJoy, I think you said it best - do we need to watch the game between the two bottom teams when they aren’t anyone’s “favorite”?

If a football fan came on and said, my family does nothing but watch home decorating shows at every gathering, I doubt anyone would be saying “Oh you just need to suck it up and watch with them.”

I don’t think anyone is unwilling to watch a game during any particular family party, but when every gathering (that is supposedly focused on something else entirely) is taken over by televised sports, it’s reasonable to ask for suggestions on how to change that.

Actually, it is probably more reasonable to require them to sit through the Rose Parade or Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade–they’ll have no trouble tearing themselves away from that!–and then let them watch their game than to write off football as a trivial interest. (We watched the game between two bottom teams because, well, there was one of them that we simply cannot see beaten too often. Sports fans are not at all above schadenfreude! )

But yes, a “hey guys, pick one game, we will even supply meatballs, and then you have to suffer through talking with us” is not unreasonable.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

If a football fan came on and said, my family does nothing but watch home decorating shows at every gathering, I doubt anyone would be saying “Oh you just need to suck it up and watch with them.”

I disagree. My husband and I are football fans, and only football fans. No other sport really interests us. However, is dad is into all of them. Hockey, soccer, basketball, baseball, football, golf, you name it. When we visit his dad, we know that we will be watching a sport that we know nothing about and care nothing about. He won’t turn off the game for our visit, and we wouldn’t ask him to. But on the way over I always check up on how the team has been doing and how the game is expected to go, so that we can make an effort to talk to him about something that he’s excited about.

When we go over to my mom’s for dinner, I know without question that she is going to make a huge, delicious meal, and then throw on a Sci-Fi movie that she has been dying to see (or see again). My husband and I like Sci-Fi in general, but my mom has really awful tastes. So we go, and we know that we will be subjected to yet another showing of ‘Independence Day’ or ‘Enemy Mine’, or that she’s found a very cheap, cheesy, indie sci-fi movie that she wants us to watch. So we do, and then afterwards we cheerfully discuss it.

When you’re an adult child and your parents are old or getting there, you should make an effort to engage them in what they’re interested in. After all, how many years did they do that for you?

 

[Mrs_Sally]

I don’t think we are all talking about the same thing. EasterJoy and BlueEyedLady are describing rather civilized events that include dinner (and resumably conversation) and conversation during the game.

Gordon Sims and Captain America are talking about gatherings during which the TV never goes off, the sound is never muted, and the watchers won’t talk at all - even during commercial breaks.

I have been to a few events like the latter and we declined further invitations. I have been to many events like the former and we continue to go and have a good time despite the game.

 

[Captain_America]

I think the above’s true.

It’s possible to have too much TV going on. . . so much so that you regret wasting the time driving over and wish you were doing something more productive.

AND of course you regret the wasted opportunity for the family to talk and do things together.

The TV Demon!

 

[EasterJoy]

At least no one in our family has much interest in the NBA. That at least leaves Christmas free. Other than that, probably outdoor picnics in the summer are your best bet. There are lunatics who actually ignore conversations in order to watch TV on a smart phone, but that at least still carries some social stigma. (You will have to let them check the score occasionally, so their anxiety disorder doesn’t flare up. )

 

[joshvanrad]

I don’t think we are all talking about the same thing. EasterJoy and BlueEyedLady are describing rather civilized events that include dinner (and resumably conversation) and conversation during the game.

Gordon Sims and Captain America are talking about gatherings during which the TV never goes off, the sound is never muted, and the watchers won’t talk at all - even during commercial breaks.

I have been to a few events like the latter and we declined further invitations. I have been to many events like the former and we continue to go and have a good time despite the game.

That isn’t Football’s fault.

 

[Cat]

Are you kidding? I have tons of fond memories of sitting in the living room and watching games with my family. When I was a kid/teenager/young adult, most of these memories involve my older brother. We have both always wanted to be close, but for most of my life the age gap just didn’t make it possible. Once I got old enough that it didn’t matter anymore, I lived across the country. Football was always kind of our equalizer.

As an adult the sport is something that my husband and I take great joy in together.

It’s like any other hobby. As a kid I have lots of fond memories sitting on the couch playing marbles with my grandmother. Is marbles a waste of time? Sure. But spending time with my grandma and getting into our little competitions was fun. And sometimes when we would go to the store together we would look for new marbles to play with, because we both liked to find ones with pretty or interesting designs. Of course I don’t remember who beat who on any given day, and I may not remember every detail of our conversations, but I remember how good it felt and how happy we were.

But I think the best way to demonstrate my point is by pointing to my brother and grandfather. My grandpa died before I was born, but my brother was very close to him. They watched football together every Sunday. As with the marbles, my brother doesn’t remember every game, who won, or everything that was said. But when we watch football he always shares memories of grandpa. “Grandpa’s favorite part of the game was ______”, “Grandpa always said _________”, “When my team was losing Grandpa would ______”, “Grandpa and I would always ________ during the game”. “I remember the time that Grandpa ______”. He’s a broken record, but he likes sharing his memories and I like hearing them. I’ve been listening to him talk about Grandpa for years, but every time he tells me something it’s something I haven’t heard before. (I guess it’s fair though. Every time I cook anything every other sentence that comes out of my mouth starts with “My grandma would always…”)

My guess is that the brothers of the person I responded to feel the same way. When their father dies, they will have all of those memories. When they watch games together they will talk about their father and remember the things he said and did, and what he taught them. They will tell those stories to their kids and try to make the same kinds of memories. Because the sister doesn’t want to spend just 4 hours sucking it up and bonding with her family, she won’t be a part of it.

This is so lovely! I know a lot of families just like this. Most of them in my neck of the woods are hockey fans rather than football fans.

For the poster who said that men use football to exert control–well, to begin with, in a lot of families, the women love the game as much as the men. My daughter is actually more into football than her husband!

And second, why on earth shouldn’t the men have something to bond over and exclude those who don’t share any interest in the manly sport of football? (It’s one of the few sports left where women really don’t play it–yes, there’s a female football league, but it’s rather unknown at this point. Football is still basically a man’s sport.)

When I was growing up, we always went out to the family farm for the holiday dinners. After the dinner, the men (and boys, when they got old enough) all went outside to stare at the tractors, visit the barns and fields, and talk “man talk.” We women and girls stayed in the house, washed the mountain of dishes, put away the food, and talked “woman talk.”

I was never resentful of my dad, brother, grandpa, and assorted uncles and visitors because they all left us. I didn’t feel that they were escaping from us or deliberately avoiding us. They just wanted to be together as men. What’s wrong with that?

 

[BlueEyedLady]

When I was growing up, we always went out to the family farm for the holiday dinners. After the dinner, the men (and boys, when they got old enough) all went outside to stare at the tractors, visit the barns and fields, and talk “man talk.” We women and girls stayed in the house, washed the mountain of dishes, put away the food, and talked “woman talk.”

Haha! My stepfather’s family does that too! After dinner the men go outside to look at farm stuff, animals, and then sneak off to the garage to drink a few beers, play poker, and talk. The women stay inside and do chores, share recipes, and talk about other stuff men wouldn’t like.

But, here’s the fun part, my mom has always been a tomboy. She grew up on a farm and knows just as much as any of the men in that group, and she’s a hell of a poker player. So she always went outside with the men and enjoyed their company. My stepdad’s brothers, cousins, uncles, and nephews all love her and they joke that my stepfather found a “cool” wife. When I got to be about 15 I started going out with her and the men after dinner, and they were all really warm and inclusive towards me too. Now that I bring my husband around, they throw out the same jokes and comments about me being a fun and cool wife, just like they always did with my mom. I think some of the women think we’re…uncouth, but oh well.

I don’t see a problem with people dividing into groups based on interests at family gatherings as long as everyone is included and welcomed somehow. Now, if my stepfather’s family wasn’t as wonderful as they are and tried to insist that I stay inside to discuss knitting and baking because I’m a woman, as opposed to drinking beer and playing poker, I’d probably leave early. But they are my family and they love me (and my mom) for who we are.