Too Negative...need help!

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Paris_Blues

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When I was younger, I had so many bad situations and rejections that I developed the habit of actually hating all people (now for your info, I’m working on becoming a more loving person…it’s hard but I know our Lord will help).

In the past 17 so years, I’ve been treated like chopped liver, was hated, called names, etc. Racist comments were thrown at me and I absoulutely hated my race and all races, heck I even thought racist comments about other people eventhough I didn’t mean it. Contradicts, I know. That doesn’t make sense, or does it?

Still, up to this day, the habit of being hateful and name calling in my mind and some other non-Christian thoughts keep poping up in my head and I KNOW hatred is a violent word and thing to do and I’m trying to get rid of it but the habit is like a part of who I am and I just can’t seem to get rid of it.

Any suggestions how to “get rid” of this because I know it’s sin? Now sometimes thoughts will just arbitrarily pop up in my mind if I see something and then I quickly TRY to get it out of my mind but the harder I try, the more it comes and it’s just complete torture.

???
 
Paris Blues:
When I was younger, I had so many bad situations and rejections that I developed the habit of actually hating all people (now for your info, I’m working on becoming a more loving person…it’s hard but I know our Lord will help).

In the past 17 so years, I’ve been treated like chopped liver, was hated, called names, etc. Racist comments were thrown at me and I absoulutely hated my race and all races, heck I even thought racist comments about other people eventhough I didn’t mean it. Contradicts, I know. That doesn’t make sense, or does it?

Still, up to this day, the habit of being hateful and name calling in my mind and some other non-Christian thoughts keep poping up in my head and I KNOW hatred is a violent word and thing to do and I’m trying to get rid of it but the habit is like a part of who I am and I just can’t seem to get rid of it.

Any suggestions how to “get rid” of this because I know it’s sin? Now sometimes thoughts will just arbitrarily pop up in my mind if I see something and then I quickly TRY to get it out of my mind but the harder I try, the more it comes and it’s just complete torture.

???
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Don’t “try” so hard. Just pray: Jesus, gentle and loving Lord, give me a generous and loving heart. Bless (whomever you are having bad thoughts about). In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
 
When I start thinking something negative about someone, I try to remember that God chose to create this person in His own image and likeness.

Look for something positive in the person you’re thinking negatively about. If you cultivate the habit of doing that, this new habit may take over.

And, of course, pray, pray, pray!
 
Though I never battled hatred quite as you described, I think that all humans have had the occasional incendiary thought. My heart wasn’t hateful, but it was rather apathetic about other people. Reading about and getting to know the Lord Jesus and how He responded to scorn and hatred really helped me to understand how a human can love his/her enemies.

I find that the more I read the gospels, the more I understand His compassion. The more I invite Jesus into my heart to change me, the more He does to develop my heart to be more like His. Subject your thoughts to the authority of Jesus. If He approves, let the thought in. If He doesn’t, boot it out.

Stay in prayer on this and Jesus will change you. You’re already halfway there, just by acknowledging that this is something that you want to change for the better. Many people won’t even admit that they have a problem in this area and still others don’t even realize that it IS a problem.
 
“Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make my heart like unto thine.”

“Jesus mercy, Mary help.”

Ask the Holy Spirit for the grace to love others/a particular person they way God wants you to love them.
 
Be sure to never act or speak in a way that reflects your negative feelings toward them. This way, you don’t let the hatred cause you to sin, and also, if you act nicely towards them then it will start to make you think more nicely about them.

A good way to respond (in your head) to a negative thought about someone is to start saying to yourself “They are a child of God. They are made in the image of God. They are of great value, as is every human being”, and things like that. That will help you to see people in a more favorable light.
 
Here are a couple approaches that have helped me, and in fact similar approaches are used by certain Catholic Charities counselors I know – although in a different form.

Both approaches are based on seeing the other person as at least as much a “victim” as you feel you are, at their hands. One is to recognize what harm they have done you, to recognize that their personalities are such that they are oblivious to such damage, and then imagine them standing before the Lord trying to explain themselves. If that isn’t enough, further imagine the Lord coming down hard on them and how shocked they were when they found out that yes, they did mess up big time and it’s too late. I pity those who persecute me, because I fear on their behalf of what the Lord might do to them.

A totally opposite approach is one I took in a particularly troubling situation involving parish leaders. I happened to have a book called “2000 insults for all occasions” I bought when I was little, so one time when I was seething in anger, I opened the book and started reading insults that I felt were “perfect” for a certain individual – a fellow member of the parish council in this case. Then I began writing a short story about that person, using the insults and exaggerating to ridiculous extremes – painting that person as the most evil person I could imagine. For example, my story might have included, "when I was drowning and yelled toward the ship, Dave (not his real name), he said ‘hang on I’ll save you’ and then proceed to throw me both ends of the rope. Then he laughed and said, ‘see what you think of my opinions NOW.’ " Also, I wrote things that were more concrete about specifically how terrible he was. Then I imagined him explaining all this before God, and I at once felt I had control – even if only rhetorically and in secret – and could “have” the person if I wished. Then I feel terribly sorry for him after being unfairly insulted the way I just did and TORE UP THE PAPER (I can’t overemphasize the importance of letting those evil words go once written – before they do damage). Worked like magic – when I saw him at Church a few days later I was able to smile rather than grimace while I shook his hand.

In case anybody wonders how this compares to Catholic Charity counseling, a young girl I knew was very frustrated with her teacher to the point of depression, and one of the things the counselor did, after listening to her situation, was to tape up an outline sketch of the teacher in the door, and then have the girl (probably 4th grade or so) throw moistened Kleenex at it. She was hesitant, but her father and the counselor assured her it was OK. Worked like magic – it gave the girl a way to express her outrage and she ended up liking the teacher after all was considered.

Alan
 
Hi Paris.

Im not sure if you know it, but we sing a beautiful song in our Church that goes:

“Whatsoever you do, to the least of my brothers, that, you do unto me”

All things done to others are done directly to Christ.
You must see Christ Almighty in others, and then you will understand why the great saints would bow at the feet of sinners, pledging their service.

Great is the Lord that with prayer, you will change such feelings.

Bless you.

In Christ.

Andre.
 
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Magicsilence:
Hi Paris.
You must see Christ Almighty in others, and then you will understand why the great saints would bow at the feet of sinners, pledging their service.
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Not to mention, of course, that Jesus himself did the same…

Alan
 
Paris Blues:
Any suggestions how to “get rid” of this because I know it’s sin? Now sometimes thoughts will just arbitrarily pop up in my mind if I see something and then I quickly TRY to get it out of my mind but the harder I try, the more it comes and it’s just complete torture.

???
Click to expand...
you already know the answer, and I believe you said today was the day you will be putting it into effect when you celebrate the great sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation for the first time. You also said you had some nervousness and trepidation about the experience. By now I hope you have benefitted from the immense grace and relief and healing of this sacrament and are basking in the Divine Mercy. The recipe for dealing with harmful and sinful habits is always the same, mundane as it sounds. Daily prayer, especially the rosary, regular Mass attendance and frequent reception of the sacraments of Eucharist and Penance, and humble submission to the will of God, and returning evil for good in your dealings with others.
 
I have a similar problem with being overly critical of people.

I do something I got out of either the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius Loyola, or the Imitation of Christ by Thomas a Kempis. (I can’t remember which; I read them both some 17 yeqrs ago, while I was still somewhere between mainline Protestantism and Fundamentalism…)

When I catch myself having those thoughts, I gently beat my breast once; apologize to God, and say a quick prayer for the person. In silence!

Generally, I pray that God love them the way He loves me. Quick and to the point - and a reminder for me…
 
When negative thoughts come… don’t fight it yourself. Make it conform to the will of God. “Lord Jesus, these terrible thoughts are attacking me from all sides, please make it conform to your will. Have mercy and teach me mercy!”

When really bad thoughts come, I usually screamed in my mind of course, “Lord Jesus, please hurry and come to my aid. I’m going to jump into your arms!”

Whenever the thought comes, just call to the Lord for help. After a while, they will come less and you will find it easier to deflect them. Used to be really bad for me but I’m pretty much let God take control of them now.

God bless!

Warmest regards,
-Ben
 
Paris Blues:
When I was younger, I had so many bad situations and rejections that I developed the habit of actually hating all people (now for your info, I’m working on becoming a more loving person…it’s hard but I know our Lord will help).

In the past 17 so years, I’ve been treated like chopped liver, was hated, called names, etc. Racist comments were thrown at me and I absoulutely hated my race and all races, heck I even thought racist comments about other people eventhough I didn’t mean it. Contradicts, I know. That doesn’t make sense, or does it?

Still, up to this day, the habit of being hateful and name calling in my mind and some other non-Christian thoughts keep poping up in my head and I KNOW hatred is a violent word and thing to do and I’m trying to get rid of it but the habit is like a part of who I am and I just can’t seem to get rid of it.

Any suggestions how to “get rid” of this because I know it’s sin? Now sometimes thoughts will just arbitrarily pop up in my mind if I see something and then I quickly TRY to get it out of my mind but the harder I try, the more it comes and it’s just complete torture.
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If it’s sinning you’re bothered about, there is no intention where there is no sin. One cannot sin against one’s will. Those sorts of thoughts are just the left-overs of old bad habits, their dying spasms - so ignore them. Pay no attention to them. Occupy your attention with something constructive. They will go of themselves, eventually.
???
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A habit of giving thanks to God for everything may help - it is a very good way to turn outward, to God, instead of inward, into oneself.​

Hatred is a thing of the emotions and the will. Our business is to use our emotions and wills to the glory of God Who gave them - again, giving thanks helps to turn our attention away from self, back to God, where it ought to be.

If one makes a practice of asking God to bless and protect those who have done us wrong, it will be difficult to hate them. The first steps in acting against our old habits, are often the most difficult. The thing is to persevere, and not give up. ##
 
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