Torn between marriage and religious life, what to do?

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I have heard various different advice about this. I thought I’d narrow it down to the options I’ve heard most often. Please let me know what you think.
 
Eucharisted said:
I vote on #2
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Yes I agree. I think you should pursue first what you want, and then try to discern if it is what God wants of you. Maybe God wants you to learn something on the way to finding out your vocation?
 
Thanks for replies.

Seems like nobody thinks ‘marriage first’ and nobody thinks ‘do what you want least’.

I guess I’m in a position of having great respect for both the married and religious states, seeing what both of them can do. The question is, would I be of more help to the religious life as a married man and father to many children, raised in the faith, some of whom might become priests and religious, would I be of more help to the married life as a priest and religious preaching and praying for good holy marriages?

If I go on the basis of ‘what I want first’, I feel like I ought to look for a wife first. Time and youth seem more important to married life than to religious life, and I am aware, in the sense of the global and historical Church, that 27 is late to be thinking of marriage.

On the other hand, I wonder whether I’d ever really be comfortable as a married man until after I know for absolute certain that I’m not called to be a priest. I know I could always become a Deacon, but if I’m called to the priesthood, I need to know now. I also feel like I’d be a better husband if I first spent a year or two discerning religious life, but that takes me into my 30s, and I don’t know if I want to wait that long. There’s also the possibility that that discernment process takes me where I don’t want to go.

I appreciate your advice.
 
I am not sure if you are doing any of the followings?
  • get a spritiual director
  • get involved in ministries at your parish and diocese.
 
You must not be of Irish heritage;) My dad and husband both were Irish and were married in their 30’s. Most of the women I know prefer “older” men. You are still very young. Remember men are capable of having children at a much older age than women so please take your time and discern religious life.
 
DL82 said:
Thanks for replies.

Seems like nobody thinks ‘marriage first’ and nobody thinks ‘do what you want least’.

I guess I’m in a position of having great respect for both the married and religious states, seeing what both of them can do. The question is, would I be of more help to the religious life as a married man and father to many children, raised in the faith, some of whom might become priests and religious, would I be of more help to the married life as a priest and religious preaching and praying for good holy marriages?

If I go on the basis of ‘what I want first’, I feel like I ought to look for a wife first. Time and youth seem more important to married life than to religious life, and I am aware, in the sense of the global and historical Church, that 27 is late to be thinking of marriage.

On the other hand, I wonder whether I’d ever really be comfortable as a married man until after I know for absolute certain that I’m not called to be a priest. I know I could always become a Deacon, but if I’m called to the priesthood, I need to know now. I also feel like I’d be a better husband if I first spent a year or two discerning religious life, but that takes me into my 30s, and I don’t know if I want to wait that long. There’s also the possibility that that discernment process takes me where I don’t want to go.

I appreciate your advice.
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The question seems to be what do you feel called to. Just by your postings it seems you are more inclined to marriage tho three short paragraphs is not a great indicator. Most in vocations work will tell you that whatever you choose God wants you to be happy. He uses our own talents and life experiences to shape us to His plan.

I would encourage you to visit with either your parish priest or your spiritual director or with the vocations director for you diocese. You say you need to know if you might be called to the priesthood. My advice would be to seek one of these people out and begin discerning.
A vocations director will not force you into the priesthood if he believes you are called to marriage. I would encourage you to make an appointment… While waiting I would also keep praying, and as mundane as it may sound? Make a list pros and cons… for each…sometimes writing things down clarifies issues for one… and it would be a starting point for when you do discuss with a priest or brother what your thoughts are.

Blessings of Peace and All Good!

P.S. “Do what you like least” is not an option… :angel1:

Blessings and I hope others who have been on a similar journey will post suggestions that may be helpful for you.
 
Get a spiritual director and work with him/her to discern where you are called to be.

This will work much better than an anonymous poll at a web forum.
 
DL82 said:
Thanks for replies.

Seems like nobody thinks ‘marriage first’ and nobody thinks ‘do what you want least’.

I guess I’m in a position of having great respect for both the married and religious states, seeing what both of them can do. The question is, would I be of more help to the religious life as a married man and father to many children, raised in the faith, some of whom might become priests and religious, would I be of more help to the married life as a priest and religious preaching and praying for good holy marriages?

If I go on the basis of ‘what I want first’, I feel like I ought to look for a wife first. Time and youth seem more important to married life than to religious life, and I am aware, in the sense of the global and historical Church, that 27 is late to be thinking of marriage.

On the other hand, I wonder whether I’d ever really be comfortable as a married man until after I know for absolute certain that I’m not called to be a priest. I know I could always become a Deacon, but if I’m called to the priesthood, I need to know now. I also feel like I’d be a better husband if I first spent a year or two discerning religious life, but that takes me into my 30s, and I don’t know if I want to wait that long. There’s also the possibility that that discernment process takes me where I don’t want to go.

I appreciate your advice.
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Prayers for you. Do you have a spiritual director? The call is often a whisper , a tug. Ask for the guidance of the Holy Spirit. The discernment process is a wonderful journey and not a “waste of time”. God will not take you where you don’t want to go. Don’t fight it. Don’t resist it because it’s like a boomerang if you ignore it - it happened to me :D. Respond to it and see where it takes you - if you really are called to marriage or religious life. Different orders have different charisms too see what is the right fit for you. My journey’s been wonderful so far (been to beautiful places and met and made wonderful friends in the religious life) and it is great to be in this place at this time , being “off the (dating) market” because there is less “noise, headache and distraction”. 😃

You will never know that religious life is for you unless you take that first step - go on a discernment retreat. Talk to someone who in a religious life and talk to them about their journey. Find out about their life as a religious.

One thing about it though is - don’t flip flop over religious versus marriage all your life. All my life, I’ve always wanted a marriage vocation but then this “tug” came and I don’t want to miss out on it which is why here I am in the discernment process.

Again, prayers for you.
 
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