Transition - Work Full Time to Home - Tips?

[egidio]

At the end of January I will be leaving my full time job to begin life as a stay-at-home mom and I am truly excited for the opportunity. In addition, my husband and I are also expecting our third child (one is already in heaven) in late April.

I believe that my staying at home is the best option for our family. However, some days I look at my toddler and get nervous as he has a lot of energy (as all toddlers do I’d assume). I feel like I need to have a structured, action packed day in order to keep him from becoming bored otherwise he may ransack our small apartment.

While I look forward to spending more time with him, I am also afraid I will become frustrated, chores that don’t get done now while I work full time won’t be done when I stay home either, and I’ll end up redirecting him from one mess to another. As you may imagine, this doesn’t make for a very pleasant picture in my mind.

Any tips on making the transition? Also, what types of things do you do with your children to give the day structure (and keep sane)?
Thanks in advance for your help! :)

 

[space_ghost]

I personally want to thank you for your courage to be a hands-on parent… I want to thank you for your contribution to the Body Of Christ, and I want to thank you for the obvious wisdom you express given your decision to take the hard road… God will reward you. I’m only sorry that all I can do is give you lip service…

What a gift a woman is given… to be able to bring forth from her body new life… I am very happy for you…

Merry Christmas…

 

[maendem]

egidio:

some days I look at my toddler and get nervous as he has a lot of energy (as all toddlers do I’d assume). I feel like I need to have a structured, action packed day in order to keep him from becoming bored otherwise he may ransack our small apartment.

Also, what types of things do you do with your children to give the day structure (and keep sane)?

Thanks in advance for your help!

It’s true that toddlers need a lot of structure in their day, but despite their high energy levels, I don’t necessarily agree that the day has to be “action packed.”

Kids can spend hours doing very simple tasks or games - A sandbox, front yard, puzzle, or finger painting can absorb much of their creativity and energy. Structuring the day around a leisurely lunchtime, followed by a naptime, can help; when I managed a daycare with toddlers, I would plan only two “projects” - a morning activity (a walk around the neighborhood, followed by perhaps a puzzle or game) and an afternoon activity, such as fingerpainting, Play Doh, making cookies, or such.

After luch, naptime lasted a hour - they didn’t have to sleep, but they had to keep their heads on their pillows with no talking. I’d play a tape, tell a story, or sing to them. Inevitably, they’d drop off. Parents and kids loved it, and it kept the toddlers from being cranky by evening.

I don’t think toddlers CAN get bored - they can get fussy if they’re hungry, tired, not getting their way, etc - but repeated, simple activities that encourage creativity go a long, long way, and are likely to become favorites. Kids don’t need to be entertained - at least not until they are trained to demand it! Make sure you have some good didactic toys - stacking, building types rather than cheap plastic electronics - and try not to resort to TV.

If you are able to go on a walk in the park, take your time, point out animals, flowers, birds, have them look for certain objects, etc. Make everything a learning experience.

Best of luck!!

 

[Black_Jaque]

Of COURSE you’ll get frustrated. Are you afraid of a little frustration?

You will persevere though. This work will be your opus.
Can you imagine a young man getting an acceptance letter to an Ivy League University, then saying, “Oh, no! What if it’s too difficult?” That acceptance letter is basically a statement from someone else that they have more confidence in this aspiring pupil than the pupil does himself.

Much the same with God. Children are your acceptance letter to God’s University of Parenthood.

 

[otm]

First, you worry too much.

Kids have been born and raised since the dawn of time. Most of them survived it, without much structure.

Kids are creative with very little. A child raised in a third world country doesn’t have building blocks, or interactive toys, or eductional toys. They probably have a stick, or maybe two, andprobably some rocks; if they are lucky they might have a piece of cloth also. Allow your kids to be creative.

Boredom? That is easily fixed with a chore (a dust rag to catch to baseboards; they (the bored kids) are built close to the ground and can clean them easier than adults); and it is amazing how a bored child, when presented with a job, can manage to snap out of it.

Ransaking the apartment? Only once with my child. Time out works wonders for a child doing something they shouldn’t. Rooms are like big play pens; he can ramble in his room. Music does wonders. If he is too little to understand that he can’t get into everything, child locks work wonders.

Chores will get done if you choose to do them. He is eminently capable of entertaining himself long enough for you to run the vacuum, or do the dishes, or put a load of laundry in. He can help fold. If he doesn’t do it exactly right, because you are a perfectionist, get over it. He is your helper. Let him help.

 

[Island_Oak]

I agree and disagree with the last post’s comment that you “worry too much.” I could have written your post 7 years ago and learned that the transition from work to home is not an easy or necessarily natural one. It is one thing to recognize the value and worth of being home with your toddlers/babies, it is quite another to greet each new day with optimistic enthusiasm.

First–congratulate yourself on your marvelous sense of priorities! Next…find yourself a good, reliable sitter. You WILL need one, whether it’s for an afternoon or an evening a week where you can escape to execise, take a walk, have an uninterrupted meal with your husband, etc. Sometimes in the midst of the craziness and despair of your 14th straight hour with the kids it’s the one beacon of sanity that saves you!

Next develop your network of “parenting peers.” You don’t all have to be the same age or of the same educational/career background–just have kids of roughly the same age. They WILL save you on innumerable occasions and you will grow to love them like sisters because of it.

Don’t gripe to your husband. Share…yes…but remember this is a decision you made…be equal to the task just like you would for any challenging project at work without the bellyaching.

Finally…gaze at your child at 2:00pm as he/she naps and marvel at how beautiful they are… Take a morning and just watch Barney in bed until 11 in your jammies…play in the first snowfall…collect the fall leaves…marvel as your child notices the first flower of spring…teach them it all comes from God and together thank Him for the beautiful gift of your family…and then whisper your own special prayer of thanks to Him for giving you the ability, strength and desire to be there with them.

Good luck…I have a feeling you’ll do fine!

 

[sparkle]

Tips? Yes!!!

Enjoy your precious ones while they are babies and little ones–for these wonderful days will never be there again for you, never. It’s very admirable you’re making this decision, just know it is THE best one you’ll ever make in your whole life!!

Luv what Island Oak said above about marveling at the beauty----do just that and don’t pressure yourself to have everything too perfect–it never will be with the young’ins.!!! If you can let your hair down daily, and enjoy them--------you’re fantastic!!!

God Bless~~~~

 

[theresa]

I worked part time with my first two children, then quit completely when I had my third. So I guess I eased into full time motherhood. One thing that was most difficult for me was that I knew no one who stayed home with their kids. I needed companionship and the example of a mature, experienced mom to help me be a better mom. Just as I was getting desperate for a friend who stayed home with her children, there was an announcement in my church bulletin from a mother who was starting a mom and kids playgroup. What a blessing that was! If you don’t know anyone who stays home with their kids, reach out and find someone. Go to playgrounds during the day and meet other moms. I learned so much from friends and it was something to look forward to…adult conversation! Plus the kids made friends, too.

 

[Rascal]

Also as a follow up to the last post, at a different parish than we attend, my wife found a mothers prayer group. About five mothers get together at this parish and pray the rosary (while children play) and listen to the pastor discuss a topic, whether it’s Church teaching or history.

If you can’t find such a group, you can always start your own by putting in bulletin announcements in nearby parishes. You might be surprised.

Good luck! I’m sure you will find it very enjoyable!

 

[Rivera]

theresa:

there was an announcement in my church bulletin from a mother who was starting a mom and kids playgroup. What a blessing that was! If you don’t know anyone who stays home with their kids, reach out and find someone. Go to playgrounds during the day and meet other moms.

Ditto ditto. If you don’t find a play group in your church, form one. I met such nice women that way. I think your bigger challenge may be going from 1 in the house to 2. The logistics of moving two little ones around the grocery store will keep your brain working. I agree with the poster who said not to get in to the TV habit with your older one. An occasional video can be great if you must have some free time, but I sometimes found that the bad attitude my daughter had after it was over was not worth the 30 minutes peace. Good luck and God bless. n

 

[Didi]

Congratulations on making a decision you will never regret (although some days you may think so!).

I quit my full time job when my youngest was one (nine years ago) and I have to tell you that the transition was difficult at times. No lunch hours with the girls, no scheduled breaks, and the house that I thought I would have so much time to keep tidy was messier because we were there all day long!

But, don’t get discouraged. You will in time find your own routine and learn to have kids help pick up one project or group of toys before you move onto another. You’ll also learn that dirty dishes will always be there, but a toddler who wants you to fingerpaint with him/her won’t always be there, so treasure all those precious moments.

I agree with finding a group of moms to help support you. I also arranged with friends and neighbors times where I would watch their kids so they could go shopping on their own, or go home and take a nap; then they would watch mine in turn. This really helped to have a break! And having the other kids over when it was my turn to watch them helped all the kids to be entertained by each other!

You might also consider asking your husband for a “Mom’s night off” where you get a couple of hours to yourself to meet a friend for coffee, hide in the bedroom and read a book, or have an hour of adoration. All help in attitude adjustment for moms!

Don’t forget to ask our Mother Mary for her prayers and guidance and to ask often for Our Lord to grant you patience, understanding, and a loving countenance!

God bless you!

 

[armywife]

First, I know how you feel. I left work when my oldest daughter was one and wanted to schedule the day like I did at work.

I really think that a schedule with a toddler will drive you crazy. Just get up and eat at the same times every day and let the rest happen as it will. Your toddler can entertain himself. It is ok to say I can’t right now, or just a minute. You will feel guilty at first, but trust me you’ll get over it.

I also live in an apartment and the three kids and I manage fine.

Good luck and prayers.

 

[gardenswithkids]

I went from full time, to part-time which I kept cutting back more and more, until I finally quit altogether. I remember being scared and wondering what we’d do all day together.

I’m sort a planner, so I scheduled our activities by the week. One day was park day, one day was grocery store day, one day was play group day, one day was laundry day, and one day was “field trip” day. That way, I didn’t worry if the laundry piled up unless it was laundry day. When my son wanted to go to the park, I could tell him when we’d go next without feeling like a bad mom for not taking him.

Other tips: Don’t worry about what the house looks like until about half an hour before your husband comes home. (You could spend all day doing nothing but picking up after your child and still greet your husband with a messy home if you don’t do it immediately before his return.) Put most of the toys away so your child only has a managable amount to choose from and rotate toys so they stay new and interesting.

Words of caution: You will not find all nice compliments, affirmations and paychecks that many experience while working. The better job you do at mothering, the more your child will complain. If you’ve neglected to discipline your child because you saw him/her so little during the day while working full-time, expect to confront this now. Dr. Ray Garendi wrote some great Catholic parenting books that I found helpful.

Finally, pray hard and stay close to God.