Trust issue

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lovesfall

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I had asked for advice in one of my old threads in this folder, but only received one response so I hope it’s okay that I started a new thread.

My husband has a drawer in his dresser that he keeps all the cards and letters I had sent him while we were dating. I had just finished reading the cards and letters he had given me and I wanted to read the cards I had sent him so I took them out of his drawer. I found a paper that he had printed off the computer and it was a receipt for baseball tickets he had sent his old girlfriend in December of '03…nine months before we were married. He sent it from a PO box that he has for his business…which he still has.
Anyway… he had told me that he stopped talking to her and said that he had sent her a letter in July of ''03 telling her that he is engaged and that he didn’t want to upset me any further by calling or writing to her. Well obviously that was a lie because five months later he sent her those tickets. I know he didn’t want me to find out because he sent it from the PO box.

Do I have a right…as his wife…to ask him to move the PO box closer to where we live and do I have a right to ask him for a set of keys?

In my other thread I stated some trust issues that we were dealing with…he has lied to me in the past. The counselor told my husband that the only way I will be able to learn to trust him is for him to no longer lie to me. I was beginning to feel better about our marriage and I was starting to trust him…but now I find this…😦

I really don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should confront him now or wait and do it during the next counselling appointment

Thank you and God Bless

Sandy
 
How long ago did you begin counseling? The tickets he sent were over a year ago, and before you were married. You say that the counselor told your husband that you wouldn’t be able to trust him unless he stopped lying. Did he therefore send the tickets before a committment to be more trustworthy? If it’s water under the bridge, let it go and continue to trust your husband.
 
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lovesfall:
Do I have a right…as his wife…to ask him to move the PO box closer to where we live and do I have a right to ask him for a set of keys?
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What would this accomplish? Giving you access to this box won’t make you trust him. PO Boxes are dirt cheap… you’ll always suspect that he just got another without you knowing.

The point is you either trust him or you don’t.
 
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Timidity:
The point is you either trust him or you don’t.
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That’s a little harsh and simplistic

I can truly sympathize with you. I had big trust problems with my husband earlier in our marriage. I agree if all this happened before you were married let it go and deal with the issues you have now. I’ll PM you so check your messages.🙂
 
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rayne89:
That’s a little harsh and simplistic
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It wasn’t meant to be harsh; it was meant to be simplistic. It is, after all, a tautology.

My point was that the proposed actions will do nothing to restore trust.
 
Dr. Colossus:
How long ago did you begin counseling? The tickets he sent were over a year ago, and before you were married. You say that the counselor told your husband that you wouldn’t be able to trust him unless he stopped lying. Did he therefore send the tickets before a committment to be more trustworthy? If it’s water under the bridge, let it go and continue to trust your husband.
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We began counselling two months ago…three months after we were married. He sent the tickets after he promised me he wouldn’t be in touch with his ex-fiance so to me that is broken trust. We were engaged over a year when he sent her those tickets.

In my other thread in this folder, I had went into more detail about the several times he lied to and deceived me…before and after our marriage. That is why we are going to counselling.
 
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Timidity:
What would this accomplish? Giving you access to this box won’t make you trust him. PO Boxes are dirt cheap… you’ll always suspect that he just got another without you knowing.

The point is you either trust him or you don’t.
Click to expand...
It is much more than trusting him/not trusting him. He has broken broken so many promises to me and has lied so many times that it is going to take a long time to believe him.
 
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Timidity:
What would this accomplish? Giving you access to this box won’t make you trust him. PO Boxes are dirt cheap… you’ll always suspect that he just got another without you knowing.

The point is you either trust him or you don’t.
Click to expand...
It’s a lot more complicated than trusting him/not trusting him. He has broken that trust several times before and after our marriage that it is going to take a long time for me to believe him.

The problem is that I found out about the majority of the lies after we were married and not during our engagement.
 
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rayne89:
That’s a little harsh and simplistic

I can truly sympathize with you. I had big trust problems with my husband earlier in our marriage. I agree if all this happened before you were married let it go and deal with the issues you have now. I’ll PM you so check your messages.🙂
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Thanks Rayne…🙂
 
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lovesfall:
It’s a lot more complicated than trusting him/not trusting him. He has broken that trust several times before and after our marriage that it is going to take a long time for me to believe him.

The problem is that I found out about the majority of the lies after we were married and not during our engagement.
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I am sorry for your pain. I was married to a man that had a problem with the truth. Then I dated much of the same.

I think the counselig is great - keep it up. As for the post box, sure - go ahead and have him close it. You are his wife and deserve this.
 
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