Trying to figure out my calling

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Cupcake143

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I am 27 years old, almost 28 and I am still single. My mother and older sister are always, either directly or indirectly telling me I need to get married, and I know that but all the guys I seem to meet are not the right guy for me. I know what I want and I don’t want to just settle. My mother thinks I can’t find a guy because I don’t wear a lot of makeup or wear tight/short clothing. She always tells me to wear tight clothes or short stuff and to do my hair (I wear my hair half-up most of the time). She sees other girls dress that way and she thinks they get married beause of that. And, that might be the reason why they do get guys, I don’t know. But, my mother cares and looks at what people do too much and it bothers me. Guys do approach me when I go out, it’s just not my type of guys. I also don’t go out that much. Anyway, my mother makes me feel ugly, even though she tells me that I am pretty and have a nice body. She makes me feel like no guy wants me or will look at me, because I don’t wear a lot of makeup or wear tight clothes.

She told me that my dad told her I should be a nun. So, my mom was basically telling me if I don’t find a man that I should. My older sister and mom were basically telling me my time is up and no guy will want me because I am getting old. I look really young though, but to them when I reach 30 they think no guy will want a girl that age. I am already stressed out about trying to meet someone, and they are making it worse for me. I cry almost every single day, and they are not giving me any hope. I don’t know if my calling is to be a nun, however I really desire to be a wife and have children. What do you all think? I don’t know if I should try and go out to meet someone or accept that my calling is for the single life.
 
My wife and I didn’t meet until we were 30 years old. Don’t rush anything, remain faithful and things will all happen in due time, or as I like to call it, Gods time.
 
The vocation to religious life is not based on reaching a certain age as a single lady. If one does not have a true vocation to the religious life then one is not called to that state in life.

Your parents are being ridiculous, frankly.

If you live with them, I suggest you move out, go about your life, and put some serious limits on their conversations with you. Tell them the subject of who, when, and whether or not you get married is CLOSED. Simply do not talk with them about it any longer and do NOT allow them to do so. If they bring it up, tell them the subject is closed and if they continue then tell them that until they respect you and your boundaries you will have to hang up/leave/move out/ etc.

Your parents can only treat you in the manner you allow them to. It is up to you to change this very unhealthy dynamic.
 
partypilot1 said:
My wife and I didn’t meet until we were 30 years old. Don’t rush anything, remain faithful and things will all happen in due time, or as I like to call it, Gods time.
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DH and I married at 43 and 38, respectively.
 
Im 44 and not married ever and no desire to have children. There are times when I look at other couples and thank my lucky stars I don’t have to battle relationship issues and then there are times when I do think well may be I may be loosing out. But on the whole I personally am happy as I am in that aspect and if someone does come along then they do but am not going to marry anyone just because am single.

You do what is right for you and only you can determin what is right for you. Your mother wants what she thinks best and is probably worried for you because she may think you’re unhappy unmarried because its the perceived norm. All you have to do is convince her that you are happy as you are. Be happy and confident around her. They just want what they think best for you and you don’t have to be married to God to convince them to leave of you. If someone comes along then they will do and if not they won’t do. Getting married to God is not the way to escaping life pressure of any kind. You will only find greater pressure there because you are not at peace when there because you know there is that one hitch. And believe me your mind will have plenty of time focusing on it if you are not truelly happy and if you are marrying God to run away from why no guy aint there it will eat at you.

If you got a geuine calling for the nuns then fine but not to escape anything because it will catch you up:)

peace be with you
 
Cupcake143 said:
I am 27 years old, almost 28 and I am still single. My mother and older sister are always, either directly or indirectly telling me I need to get married, and I know that but all the guys I seem to meet are not the right guy for me. I know what I want and I don’t want to just settle. My mother thinks I can’t find a guy because I don’t wear a lot of makeup or wear tight/short clothing. She always tells me to wear tight clothes or short stuff and to do my hair (I wear my hair half-up most of the time). She sees other girls dress that way and she thinks they get married beause of that. And, that might be the reason why they do get guys, I don’t know. But, my mother cares and looks at what people do too much and it bothers me. Guys do approach me when I go out, it’s just not my type of guys. I also don’t go out that much. Anyway, my mother makes me feel ugly, even though she tells me that I am pretty and have a nice body. She makes me feel like no guy wants me or will look at me, because I don’t wear a lot of makeup or wear tight clothes.

She told me that my dad told her I should be a nun. So, my mom was basically telling me if I don’t find a man that I should. My older sister and mom were basically telling me my time is up and no guy will want me because I am getting old. I look really young though, but to them when I reach 30 they think no guy will want a girl that age. I am already stressed out about trying to meet someone, and they are making it worse for me. I cry almost every single day, and they are not giving me any hope. I don’t know if my calling is to be a nun, however I really desire to be a wife and have children. What do you all think? I don’t know if I should try and go out to meet someone or accept that my calling is for the single life.
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  1. *]You said what kind of guy YOU DO NOT WANT. Now, if you want, please tell us what kind of guy YOU WANT.
    *]Heavy make-up and tight clothes are not for any guy. Were I not married, I would flee from that.
    *]I would be attracted by a woman dressing like you.
    *]My view: what attracts me in a woman is what SHE IS, her personality, the way she talks, nor the looks, the way she dresses;
    *]I suspect there is something wrong on what you want from a man, I suspect that you are too idealistic, I suspect, remember…
    *]nun as a second choice for you could not marry? forget about it? Jesus does not want second choices…
    *]nun because your family wants? forget about it!
    *]if you are to become a nun, forget about it, you will be a nun, no matter what, so you’ld bettter relax.

    If you want to share I am ready to listen.
 
It sounds to me like you need to become independent from your parents.

As far as your views on dating / dress / etc., it would be wonderful if more people had your views. You are way ahead of most people.

So I would say focus on making a living independent of your parents. You will have to have some boundaries.

My wife and I met when we were 28.

We married when we were 29, over 25 years ago.
 
Why do you cry almost every night? Is it because you desparately want to be married but can’t find any suitable men? Is it because of the pressure your family places on you?

If it is the former, there is nothing wrong with presenting yourself in a more attractive light. That doesn’t necessarily mean makeup, and certainly doesn;t mean tight, revealing clothing. But there’s nothing wrong with making more effort to appear pretty. And you could consider how you can meet more suitable men…eg Church social groups, through mutual friends, etc.

If it is the latter…then as others have said, time to move out.

If it is another reason, such as concern over your vocation, then offer it to God and be open to His response.
 
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