Trying to forgive

[cecilia97]

Hey y’all,

There have been a few threads about this recently but it’s still haunting me. I’m recently divorced and have a lot of hurts for which to forgive my ex-husband. I don’t feel very forgiving yet. I’ve read “it’s not a feeling, it’s a choice” but I don’t know if I’m taking the right actions.

I try to ask God for the grace to forgive. Patience isn’t one of my virtues. I’ve also started praying the Divine Mercy chaplet like this:

“For the sake of His sorrowful passion, have mercy on (person X) and on the whole world”

Is this hypocritical? I don’t really FEEL forgiving yet, but I want to WANT to forgive. Is it wrong to pray the words asking God to do something you’re not even sure you want to do yet? I’m just trying to forgive this man because I know it’s the right thing to do. It feels AWFUL to actually be doing it. Even while I pray my chaplet, I have a pain in my heart just saying the words. I’m hoping it will lessen in time and with the Lord’s help.

Any advice is appreciated.
cecilia

 

[Servulus]

A fellow in my parish who’s in a situation like yours offers the following as one of his daily Mass intentions:

“For (X), my wife - shower her with every grace and blessing, let Thy light shine upon her, restore her to health, and lead her to Thee. Take away my anger and my bitterness, O Lord, and replace them with Thy Charity and Thy forgiveness.”

It seems to help him. Hope it helps you, too.

 

[dulcissima]

I understand what you are feeling. I feel that way about my person X when I pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet too, as well as the Fatima prayer in the rosary.

I just think there is a difference between forgiving someone and believing in them or trusting them again. I think it would be great if my husband changed and became the man that God wants him to be, but I just don’t see that happening.

One thing I do try to do is imagine meeting him in heaven, hoping that he will one day get things straight with God, and what it would be like to really understand him and have him really understand me. I think at that point I will have perfect forgiveness, right now all I can do is stick close to God and keep that hope that I will find that peace some day.

 

[cecilia97]

Oh my goodness, help came quickly! Servulus, your friend’s prayer brought tears to my eyes, I’m going to pilfer it.

Dulcissima, I have had the same thoughts about meeting Mr. X in Heaven someday…I don’t want him in my life anymore and at times I’m so angry but I suppose never angry enough stop hoping he gets straightened out. What a strange, mixed up way to feel.

 

[JezuUfamTobie]

A fellow in my parish who’s in a situation like yours offers the following as one of his daily Mass intentions:

“For (X), my wife - shower her with every grace and blessing, let Thy light shine upon her, restore her to health, and lead her to Thee. Take away my anger and my bitterness, O Lord, and replace them with Thy Charity and Thy forgiveness.”

It seems to help him. Hope it helps you, too.

I like that prayer, too. Looks like the kind of thing that would be helpful to memorize, even. Thanks for posting it.

 

[DKN]

After “coming home” to the Catholic Church about 3 yrs. ago (after a 25+ year absence), I realized that I have alot of regrets! My wife and I should have brought our daughter to church and given her the opportunity to learn our faith. I was into drugs (smoked pot) and engaged in bad behavior at times that put my family at great risk.
I am now drug free and our daughter is married and we have two beautiful grandchildren.
I know Jesus has forgiven me, but I still have a hard time forgiving “myself.”
Thanks for letting me get this out!

Peace Be With You All!
DKN

 

[brigid12]

After a divorce a few years ago, I’ve sometimes still not “felt” forgiving. One thing that’s really helped is something I read on these forums not too long ago. Something to the effect of “with my luck I’ll have to spend eternity with anyone I haven’t forgiven”. That really brought me up short! Hope it helps anyone here.

 

[cecilia97]

After a divorce a few years ago, I’ve sometimes still not “felt” forgiving. One thing that’s really helped is something I read on these forums not too long ago. Something to the effect of “with my luck I’ll have to spend eternity with anyone I haven’t forgiven”. That really brought me up short! Hope it helps anyone here.

It is so bizarre that this thread got renewed yesterday and that I noticed it today…too much to be a coincidence. I think God wanted me to remember it.

My nullity petition was granted today! And to add a twist, the counselor I’ve been seeing just asked me on Wednesday: 1) how much longer until I expected to hear about my annulment and 2) if it was granted, did I feel that would put me any closer to being able to forgive my ex.

OK, God…I think it’s getting through my thick skull. Still working on it, not perfect, but forgiveness is the thing to strive for, I’m sure of it now.

Thanks to everyone for your stories and support! I’d love to hear from anyone who wants to share how their life has been enriched by letting go of an old hurt.

 

[water]

Thanks to everyone for your stories and support! I’d love to hear from anyone who wants to share how their life has been enriched by letting go of an old hurt.

I have some old hurts - way way back when I was a kid and a teen. I had thought none of those actually bother me, but they were always deep in my conscience.

• At age of 12 or 13 - I was accused to steal by a lady in my neighborhood.
• At age of 15 - a classmate wrapped around my toe with paper and light it up while I was sleeping.

I didn’t pay attention to these hurting until I attended a retreat. I prayed and asked God to help me forgive them; later, I find myself forgiving others much easier on all kinds of situations that I have been dealing with. It is not easy but I could tell I could not do without God’s grace.