Turning a Blind Eye

[adricrimson]

Last night, the man I was dating ended our relationship because he said that we were too different and believed in too many different things. Our biggest hurdle was premarital sex. He saw no wrong in it; I did. And although he never forced his way with me, he would usually tell me that my choice to abstain was something he had to cope with, and asked why I had so many rules. This man’s spiritual life obviously is weak.

What I am struggling to understand is how he can choose to turn a blind eye to Christ’s teachings and beliefs. He is such a kind and generous man. He plays music for the homeless and the elderly, volunteers at an animal rescue shelter, and is kind and patient with all he comes across. His kind heart and generosity are what drew me to him in the first place because these are Christ-like virtues.

But when he told he was not sorry for his sexual past, being intimate with multiple partners, and even living with someone for two years, I was just floored. He does not see this as lust. He reasons that sex is a biological need that needs to be fulfilled.

I have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that someone with such a kind and loving heart can have such a skewed view of sex. It hurts my heart to know that someone with such a kind heart can blatantly disregard Christ’s teachings.

At this point, I feel that all I can do is pray for God to send the Holy Spirit to touch his heart and for him to turn from his ways. If this happened, it would truly be a miracle. Although it seems silly to ask, should I pray a novena for his salvation? To a particular saint?
I did/can see myself having a future with this man, but he needs to get his life right with God first.

Any advice or words of support would be greatly appreciated.

 

[bsf]

I commend you for your commitment to chastity.

I think praying for him is great if it is selfless and not a factor contributing to unhealthy cognitive patterns.

I will say a prayer for you.

 

[Cupofkindness]

Though this may be difficult for you to hear, I believe that your Guardian Angel rescued you last night from making a commitment to a man who is, at this point, unable to give to you an equal one. Clearly, his misguided self-love is greater than his love of virtue or of the previous women in his life. Will he ever love you more than he loves himself? Unlikely! There are so many problems with this man’s warped view of human sexuality, I don’t know where to start. Thank God for this turn of events. I pray that you are able to see the situation clearly, you have been given a strong gift of faith and a healthy dose of grace! Run girl, and don’t look back!

 

[mommamaree]

I imagine that you must be feeling a lot of heartache right now. I am sorry for that.

However, his sense of entitlement regarding sexual satisfaction is alarming. I think you are lucky to have found out about it now. Certainly, pray for his heart to be changed. That is the kind-hearted response to being hurt by someone. But also, be happy God has given you a deeper understanding of the virtue of chastity and purity.

 

[SecretCatholic]

You are surprised that a good, kind person can also be disordered and sinful? This is our world, our reality, our nature. In any case, props for not “compromising” on your core values and sorry for the loss of your relationship.

 

[Luvz2travel]

I imagine that you must be feeling a lot of heartache right now. I am sorry for that.

However, his sense of entitlement regarding sexual satisfaction is alarming. I think you are lucky to have found out about it now. Certainly, pray for his heart to be changed. That is the kind-hearted response to being hurt by someone. But also, be happy God has given you a deeper understanding of the virtue of chastity and purity.

You had a lucky escape. Let me tell you why 1) A guy who can’t put his partners needs above his own is not worth your time and not truly marriage material. What would he do if you got sick or something not take care of you because he doesn’t feel like it or you can’t give him what he feels he needs. What would he do in other circumstances if your needs or values contradict his own. …Probably ask you to bend again.
2) This sort of man would only lead you away from God closer to him. 3) He was living in grevious sin wether he recognizes it or not and was wanting you to do the same. It actually reminds me of the story of the rich man who asked God what he need to do to follow him and was told to sell all his worldly good and follow. The man was wealthy and attached to his possessions. This didn’t make the rich man a bad guy it only meant he wasn’t ready to give his total heart and soul for someone else. Well your guy here is kind of the same. I’m sure he’s a great guy so long as you don’t ask him to give up something he really wants. The fact that he can’t give it up even for awhile shows he’s not really ready to give his heart totally to someone. I’m sure he really did try but in losing the battle with his self he lost you. Prayers…but I still think you had a wonderful escape. You’ll realize it later.

 

[Anglewannabe]

At this point, I feel that all I can do is pray for God to send the Holy Spirit to touch his heart and for him to turn from his ways. If this happened, it would truly be a miracle. Although it seems silly to ask, should I pray a novena for his salvation? To a particular saint?
I did/can see myself having a future with this man, but he needs to get his life right with God first.

Any advice or words of support would be greatly appreciated.

If your motive in praying for him is that he changes his heart and comes back to you, then that is your will and not necessarily God’s will. Pray that God touches His life but also pray God helps you get over him

And lastly, there are a LOT of kind people who help the homeless and others that are NOT Catholic. Being a non-Catholic does not equate to being a bad careless insensitive individual.

Everyone struggles with sin although different people have different weaknesses/blind spots. He obviously does not care to change his attitude towards sex and you deserve better

Angie