Turning down a Godparent-ship?

[wheelie]

I have recently been asked if I would be a God-parent to a friend’s child (who is not born yet). I have been mulling it over but still can’t decide.

The christening is in the Church of Wales (Anglican) that doesn’t bother me.

But the fact that the parents do not go to church and to my knowledge have no plans to. I do not care if someone doesn’t baptise a child but do feel that in today’s world if you are going to bother getting a child baptise it should mean that you ‘believe’ (for lack of a better world) and that it isn’t an excuse to have a party and get gifts (you can do that without religion)

I have God-children already and am involved in their lives, another doesn’t faze me at all. Reguardless of if I am or not I will still be friends with them and do stuff with our children (who will be in the same school year)

I go back and forth - I am touched and would love to do it but then I also think is it right to do it when I know they are not church goers?

 

[Truth_Faith13]

Its a difficult one.

On the one hand, if the parents are non church goers, you being a godparent would at least be one link to Christ the child will have.

On the other hand if they aren’t church goers and are doing the baptism because “its the thing to do” (it seems to be a cultural norm in UK even for atheists), they may have asked you in secular terms ie an extra auntie and may not appreciate you sharing your faith.

Sorry I can’t be of more assistance!

 

[Dulcie]

Can you talk to them about it? Explain to them that you see your role as a godparent in a religious light, and that you can’t take it up as a secular role? Seems like it might depend on whether your ideas of a godparent’s role are on the same page or not, which is currently a bit unclear.

 

[DoGodsBidding]

Can you talk to them about it? Explain to them that you see your role as a godparent in a religious light, and that you can’t take it up as a secular role? Seems like it might depend on whether your ideas of a godparent’s role are on the same page or not, which is currently a bit unclear.

Good advice, very similar to what I did when I was asked to be a Godparent. In my case, it worked out well, and I have a wonderful God-daughter.

DGB

 

[glendab]

Hello Wheelie.

I have recently been asked if I would be a God-parent to a friend’s child (who is not born yet). I have been mulling it over but still can’t decide.

The christening is in the Church of Wales (Anglican) that doesn’t bother me.

But the fact that the parents do not go to church and to my knowledge have no plans to. I do not care if someone doesn’t baptise a child but do feel that in today’s world if you are going to bother getting a child baptise it should mean that you ‘believe’ (for lack of a better world) and that it isn’t an excuse to have a party and get gifts (you can do that without religion)

I have God-children already and am involved in their lives, another doesn’t faze me at all. Reguardless of if I am or not I will still be friends with them and do stuff with our children (who will be in the same school year)

I go back and forth - I am touched and would love to do it but then I also think is it right to do it when I know they are not church goers?

Participation in the Baptism of a child is always a joyous event, however I really don’t think it is appropriate for a Catholic to be the Godparent of an Anglican. As Godparent, you are stating publicly that you will raise that child in that faith, (Anglican) should something happen to the parents. That is the real reason a certain person is supposedly picked to be the Godparent, because it is the reasonable expectation of the parents that that person will be a model of their faith to their child. Get it? They will be expecting you to assist them in raising their child as an Anglican if they fail to do so for whatever reasons; death, divorce, separation or incapacity, etc. You are responsible before God to see to it that the child receives his or her religious education and Sacraments and if the parents asked you to be this child’s Godparent, they are assuming that you will accept this responsibility seriously and will assist in seeing that the child’s Anglican religious education gets completed. You’d be swearing publicly to see to it the child remains an Anglican! I don’t think you can agree to this as a Catholic. It isn’t just a social event and even though it is great the child will be Baptized, they will be being raised outside the Church. By witnessing this, you are celebrating their decision to keep not only themselves separated from the Church, but their children as well and their reasonable expectation is as a God parent you will not only NOT challenge this decision, but will be supportive of their purposeful continued separation from the one true Church.

Glenda

 

[TxGodfollower]

Hello Wheelie.

Participation in the Baptism of a child is always a joyous event, however I really don’t think it is appropriate for a Catholic to be the Godparent of an Anglican. As Godparent, you are stating publicly that you will raise that child in that faith, (Anglican) should something happen to the parents. That is the real reason a certain person is supposedly picked to be the Godparent, because it is the reasonable expectation of the parents that that person will be a model of their faith to their child. Get it? They will be expecting you to assist them in raising their child as an Anglican if they fail to do so for whatever reasons; death, divorce, separation or incapacity, etc. You are responsible before God to see to it that the child receives his or her religious education and Sacraments and if the parents asked you to be this child’s Godparent, they are assuming that you will accept this responsibility seriously and will assist in seeing that the child’s Anglican religious education gets completed. You’d be swearing publicly to see to it the child remains an Anglican! I don’t think you can agree to this as a Catholic. It isn’t just a social event and even though it is great the child will be Baptized, they will be being raised outside the Church. By witnessing this, you are celebrating their decision to keep not only themselves separated from the Church, but their children as well and their reasonable expectation is as a God parent you will not only NOT challenge this decision, but will be supportive of their purposeful continued separation from the one true Church.

Glenda

I could see your point, Glenda, if the other couple were active Anglicans. Since they sound to be pretty laissez faire Christians, they probably don’t care Anglican or Catholic. I would clarify this with them before hand, but if they are cool with either one I’d say go for it.

 

[wheelie]

Can you talk to them about it? Explain to them that you see your role as a godparent in a religious light, and that you can’t take it up as a secular role? Seems like it might depend on whether your ideas of a godparent’s role are on the same page or not, which is currently a bit unclear.

Thanks, I may ask that

Hello Wheelie.

Participation in the Baptism of a child is always a joyous event, however I really don’t think it is appropriate for a Catholic to be the Godparent of an Anglican. As Godparent, you are stating publicly that you will raise that child in that faith, (Anglican) should something happen to the parents. That is the real reason a certain person is supposedly picked to be the Godparent, because it is the reasonable expectation of the parents that that person will be a model of their faith to their child. Get it? They will be expecting you to assist them in raising their child as an Anglican if they fail to do so for whatever reasons; death, divorce, separation or incapacity, etc. You are responsible before God to see to it that the child receives his or her religious education and Sacraments and if the parents asked you to be this child’s Godparent, they are assuming that you will accept this responsibility seriously and will assist in seeing that the child’s Anglican religious education gets completed. You’d be swearing publicly to see to it the child remains an Anglican! I don’t think you can agree to this as a Catholic. It isn’t just a social event and even though it is great the child will be Baptized, they will be being raised outside the Church. By witnessing this, you are celebrating their decision to keep not only themselves separated from the Church, but their children as well and their reasonable expectation is as a God parent you will not only NOT challenge this decision, but will be supportive of their purposeful continued separation from the one true Church.

Glenda

As I said the Anglican thing does not bother me one bit (of my two godparents one is a Prod. My baptism - trying to help the NI peace process).
As others said in the UK with Anglicans it is a different situation (more cultural) and they don’t even go to church so it is a bit of a non-isue really (In my eyes)

 

[glendab]

Hello Wheelie.

Thanks, I may ask that

As I said the Anglican thing does not bother me one bit (of my two godparents one is a Prod. My baptism - trying to help the NI peace process).
As others said in the UK with Anglicans it is a different situation (more cultural) and they don’t even go to church so it is a bit of a non-isue really (In my eyes)

Thank you for your reply. I’m not making myself clear, so I’ll state it again. It isn’t about them, it is all about YOU! You are a Catholic. They are Protestants of the Anglican persuasion. You cannot be a Godparent for their child because the biggest part of being a Godparent is to ensure that the religious preference of the parents is handed on to the child if the parents for whatever reason, don’t/can’t. It isn’t just a social event with a religious reason. Yes, the child will be baptized and will become a member of the ONLY Church at that point in time. He or she will become a member of the Catholic Church, not the Anglican Church. BUT the parents will be preventing that child from receiving the fullness of the faith and in so doing will in essence will be raising that child deliberately outside the Church and her true beliefs. If you chose to sponsor this child as a Godparent, that means you’d be agreeing that one religion is as good as another and that you’d raise the child as his or her Godparent in whatever religion they choose should it become necessary. You cannot publicly promise to raise someone outside the Church as a Church member. You’d re renouncing yours to preserve theirs. See what I mean?

It is similar to what some folks go thru when friends or family marry outside the Church without the proper dispensations, etc. We cannot participate in that either. Get it?

I guess the best way for you to think about this is to consider the future: if you sponsor this child and agree to be the Godparent, and say when the child is five years old, both parents die and the pastor at the place they go asks you to step in as the child’s Godparent, which you swore publicly you’d do at the child’s Baptism BTW, now you have to do what you said you’d do: teach the child how to be an Anglican! What do you do then? Say “yes,” then teach them about Catholicism instead? Teach this child to be an Anglican? Does it even matter to you? Think. This is what you’d be saying you’d do in the future.

You state you are the Godparent of several other children, but did you even know that you agreed to inculcate whatever religious preference the parents practice into the child should it become necessary for you to fulfill your role as a Godparent? Did you even know that your full responsibility is as a Godparent? Did you not know you actually will be judged on this responsibility by God when you time comes? What would you do if the parents become Hindus and then die? You’d be faced with the possibility of having to teach that religion to your little Godchild if they died! Please don’t take this as an insult but the actual responsibility and purpose of being a Godparent or Sponsor for adult Baptism has been lost in the current age, so it really isn’t your entire fault if you are clueless. To most folks it really is only a social event and easily dismissed requirement for Baptism. You have to have a Godparents to get the child Baptized, so they do it. Most don’t know what if really means to be one though.

I hope this helps and once again, please don’t be bothered about how I say this. but your misunderstanding is relevant to the current trends in our Church these days.

Glenda

 

[glendab]

Wheelie,

Here is a document from the USCCB that may help you fulfill your ministry to those other children who’ve you’ve agreed to be Godparent to.

usccb.org/beliefs-and-teachings/how-we-teach/catechesis/catechetical-sunday/word-of-god/upload/liturgical-catechesis-in-parish.pdf

BTW, did you know that if the child is say 15 or sixteen and having a hard time getting to Church because the parents divorced or have fallen away, it is perfectly right for the Godparents to step in and take the teen to Church. You have a religious right to stick your nose in their business! I think if Pastors utilized the resource that all Godparents are in the case of divorce, they’d find the help they are looking for in ministering to the children of divorce that as Pope Francis is hollering about to everyone to do something about! Utilizing the Godparents in the case of divorce could prove to be a very powerful resource in this instance a more than a few of these “lost” children could be reclaimed for Christ through the very valid ministry of Godparent! Like a treasure buried in the field and re-discovered. Really. It is huge! They should go for it.

God bless you in your ministry as a faithful Godparent.

Glenda

 

[Truth_Faith13]

Hello Wheelie.

Thank you for your reply. I’m not making myself clear, so I’ll state it again. It isn’t about them, it is all about YOU! You are a Catholic. They are Protestants of the Anglican persuasion. You cannot be a Godparent for their child because the biggest part of being a Godparent is to ensure that the religious preference of the parents is handed on to the child if the parents for whatever reason, don’t/can’t. It isn’t just a social event with a religious reason. Yes, the child will be baptized and will become a member of the ONLY Church at that point in time. He or she will become a member of the Catholic Church, not the Anglican Church. BUT the parents will be preventing that child from receiving the fullness of the faith and in so doing will in essence will be raising that child deliberately outside the Church and her true beliefs. If you chose to sponsor this child as a Godparent, that means you’d be agreeing that one religion is as good as another and that you’d raise the child as his or her Godparent in whatever religion they choose should it become necessary. You cannot publicly promise to raise someone outside the Church as a Church member. You’d re renouncing yours to preserve theirs. See what I mean?

It is similar to what some folks go thru when friends or family marry outside the Church without the proper dispensations, etc. We cannot participate in that either. Get it?

I guess the best way for you to think about this is to consider the future: if you sponsor this child and agree to be the Godparent, and say when the child is five years old, both parents die and the pastor at the place they go asks you to step in as the child’s Godparent, which you swore publicly you’d do at the child’s Baptism BTW, now you have to do what you said you’d do: teach the child how to be an Anglican! What do you do then? Say “yes,” then teach them about Catholicism instead? Teach this child to be an Anglican? Does it even matter to you? Think. This is what you’d be saying you’d do in the future.

You state you are the Godparent of several other children, but did you even know that you agreed to inculcate whatever religious preference the parents practice into the child should it become necessary for you to fulfill your role as a Godparent? Did you even know that your full responsibility is as a Godparent? Did you not know you actually will be judged on this responsibility by God when you time comes? What would you do if the parents become Hindus and then die? You’d be faced with the possibility of having to teach that religion to your little Godchild if they died! Please don’t take this as an insult but the actual responsibility and purpose of being a Godparent or Sponsor for adult Baptism has been lost in the current age, so it really isn’t your entire fault if you are clueless. To most folks it really is only a social event and easily dismissed requirement for Baptism. You have to have a Godparents to get the child Baptized, so they do it. Most don’t know what if really means to be one though.

I hope this helps and once again, please don’t be bothered about how I say this. but your misunderstanding is relevant to the current trends in our Church these days.

Glenda

So why does the catholic church permit a Christian Witness (ie a baptised non catholic) in place of one godparent at a catholic baptism? I don’t think its as black and white as you make out. Also being a godparent has got nothing to do with the death of the parents - its helping the child in their own journey of faith at all times regardless if parents are living, dead, divorced etc.

 

[pensmama87]

So why does the catholic church permit a Christian Witness (ie a baptised non catholic) in place of one godparent at a catholic baptism? I don’t think its as black and white as you make out. Also being a godparent has got nothing to do with the death of the parents - its helping the child in their own journey of faith at all times regardless if parents are living, dead, divorced etc.

Only one godparent is required, and that godparent is required to be Catholic. Traditionally there are two (usually a married couple), but that is not a requirement of the Church. That second person is just as you say, a witness. Their role is not the same.

 

[Truth_Faith13]

Only one godparent is required, and that godparent is required to be Catholic. Traditionally there are two (usually a married couple), but that is not a requirement of the Church. That second person is just as you say, a witness. Their role is not the same.

Thanks for the clarification!

In Anglican communities there are traditionally three godparents and I think their roles are probably more in line with a Christian Witness if at all as has already been said, its very cultural now. Would a catholic not be permitted to be a “godparent” in this instance?

 

[pensmama87]

Thanks for the clarification!

In Anglican communities there are traditionally three godparents and I think their roles are probably more in line with a Christian Witness if at all as has already been said, its very cultural now. Would a catholic not be permitted to be a “godparent” in this instance?

I don’t know if the Anglican Church would permit it, but Catholics should not do it, because to us, it’s much more than just cultural. We would be agreeing that the role is less significant than it truly is.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I have recently been asked if I would be a God-parent to a friend’s child (who is not born yet). I have been mulling it over but still can’t decide.

The christening is in the Church of Wales (Anglican) that doesn’t bother me.

But the fact that the parents do not go to church and to my knowledge have no plans to. I do not care if someone doesn’t baptise a child but do feel that in today’s world if you are going to bother getting a child baptise it should mean that you ‘believe’ (for lack of a better world) and that it isn’t an excuse to have a party and get gifts (you can do that without religion)

I have God-children already and am involved in their lives, another doesn’t faze me at all. Reguardless of if I am or not I will still be friends with them and do stuff with our children (who will be in the same school year)

I go back and forth - I am touched and would love to do it but then I also think is it right to do it when I know they are not church goers?

The christening is in the Church of Wales (Anglican) that doesn’t bother me.

It should. Be sure to let them know you take your Godparent role seriously and will be instructing the child to be Catholic. I would not be a Godparent to a non Catholic person. That does not sit right with me.

 

[wheelie]

Thank you all for your replies.

I will be thinking it over some more (I have time before the baby gets here) and as I said my concern comes from their non-practicing status and doing it just because it is done (?) reasoning. I will have to discuss that with my friends so we both know what we expect from either side.

(this is not a concern about their CinW ‘status’ - some may disagree about that lack of issue, but I do not see it that way with high church - which their local church is)

Wheelie,

Here is a document from the USCCB that may help you fulfill your ministry to those other children who’ve you’ve agreed to be Godparent to.

usccb.org/beliefs-and-teachings/how-we-teach/catechesis/catechetical-sunday/word-of-god/upload/liturgical-catechesis-in-parish.pdf

Glenda

Hello Wheelie.

You state you are the Godparent of several other children, but did you even know that you agreed to inculcate whatever religious preference the parents practice into the child should it become necessary for you to fulfill your role as a Godparent? Did you even know that your full responsibility is as a Godparent? Did you not know you actually will be judged on this responsibility by God when you time comes? What would you do if the parents become Hindus and then die? You’d be faced with the possibility of having to teach that religion to your little Godchild if they died! Please don’t take this as an insult but the actual responsibility and purpose of being a Godparent or Sponsor for adult Baptism has been lost in the current age, so it really isn’t your entire fault if you are clueless. To most folks it really is only a social event and easily dismissed requirement for Baptism. You have to have a Godparents to get the child Baptized, so they do it. Most don’t know what if really means to be one though.

I hope this helps and once again, please don’t be bothered about how I say this. but your misunderstanding is relevant to the current trends in our Church these days.

Glenda

Thank you Glenda. We obviously see these things differently. Godparent-ship does not start with death of a parent and isn’t linked to if the parents die
I do however resent the accusation that I am “clueless” or how I do not take or do being a Godmother to my other ones either “seriously” or “correctly”

It should. Be sure to let them know you take your Godparent role seriously and will be instructing the child to be Catholic. I would not be a Godparent to a non Catholic person. That does not sit right with me.

Just because it wouldn’t sit right with you doesn’t mean I should feel a certain way. As I said it is not something that concerns me. Maybe I am more use to mix of boths (in a very purposeful manner)

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Thank you all for your replies.

I will be thinking it over some more (I have time before the baby gets here) and as I said my concern comes from their non-practicing status and doing it just because it is done (?) reasoning. I will have to discuss that with my friends so we both know what we expect from either side.

(this is not a concern about their CinW ‘status’ - some may disagree about that lack of issue, but I do not see it that way with high church - which their local church is)

Thank you Glenda. We obviously see these things differently. Godparent-ship does not start with death of a parent and isn’t linked to if the parents die
I do however resent the accusation that I am “clueless” or how I do not take or do being a Godmother to my other ones either “seriously” or “correctly”

Just because it wouldn’t sit right with you doesn’t mean I should feel a certain way. As I said it is not something that concerns me. Maybe I am more use to mix of boths (in a very purposeful manner)

What would it mean to be a Godparent to someone who does not share your faith? What purpose does it serve? How could your Godchild not share in the true faith with you? Does it bother you that your own godchild would be given the partial faith and no Eucharist or certain sacraments? How would you handle the doctrinal differences? Are you aware of them?