Turning to God During Tough Times- School Suicides

[MaddieB]

Hello,
This is my second post and I’m still trying to figure out this website. I really hope this is in the right spot, if it’s not let me know and if I can I will move it. I’m 16 and I want to become Catholic, but my family is either Methodist or not religious. Feel free to ask me more background if you think it will help. However, I’m not really sure how important that will be for my question: how do I turn to God when things are really hard?

This past weekend an boy in junior high (same building as my high school, we are 7th-12th grade) killed himself. While I didn’t know him this really rocked me. He was the second suicide in 2 years for my high school and that number just won’t leave my head.When I’m walking between classes I often wonder how many people around me knew him or have wanted to kill themselves. Hearing about him made me remember one of my still-close friends and when I found out that she has depression and has tried to kill herself. On top of all of these memories and emotions, another one of my friends told me that at the end of winter break she tried to kill herself. I’m angry with myself for not noticing anything was wrong with her and I’m even more upset that no matter what I say, I don’t think she believes that I am there for her and that I really care. Having dealt with such thoughts and feelings myself (in the past), I know how incredible and revealing it was for me to know someone was there for me, that someone understood and wouldn’t judge me.

All of these thoughts and feelings are really clouding my head and I find myself unable to pray with any sort of focus. I want to turn to God with all of my concerns and frustrations but, I just feel like there’s a road block. If I’m being honest I find myself a little upset with God too. How could he let this happen? Why didn’t He stop them all from trying to kill themselves? Why didn’t He help me to see that my friends weren’t okay before they hurt themselves like that? I really want to know how to turn to God for help and advice right now, I really need it, but I just feel disconnected.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

 

[Elf01]

Hello,
This is my second post and I’m still trying to figure out this website. I really hope this is in the right spot, if it’s not let me know and if I can I will move it. I’m 16 and I want to become Catholic, but my family is either Methodist or not religious. Feel free to ask me more background if you think it will help. However, I’m not really sure how important that will be for my question: how do I turn to God when things are really hard?

This past weekend an boy in junior high (same building as my high school, we are 7th-12th grade) killed himself. While I didn’t know him this really rocked me. He was the second suicide in 2 years for my high school and that number just won’t leave my head.When I’m walking between classes I often wonder how many people around me knew him or have wanted to kill themselves. Hearing about him made me remember one of my still-close friends and when I found out that she has depression and has tried to kill herself. On top of all of these memories and emotions, another one of my friends told me that at the end of winter break she tried to kill herself. I’m angry with myself for not noticing anything was wrong with her and I’m even more upset that no matter what I say, I don’t think she believes that I am there for her and that I really care. Having dealt with such thoughts and feelings myself (in the past), I know how incredible and revealing it was for me to know someone was there for me, that someone understood and wouldn’t judge me.

All of these thoughts and feelings are really clouding my head and I find myself unable to pray with any sort of focus. I want to turn to God with all of my concerns and frustrations but, I just feel like there’s a road block. If I’m being honest I find myself a little upset with God too. How could he let this happen? Why didn’t He stop them all from trying to kill themselves? Why didn’t He help me to see that my friends weren’t okay before they hurt themselves like that? I really want to know how to turn to God for help and advice right now, I really need it, but I just feel disconnected.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

So sorry to hear all that.

Not sure how helpful this will be but try short prayers for their souls. Lord have mercy on them or something like that. You may be able to build from there.

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

I’m am so sorry for your pain, and for the losses in your school.
There are some red flags to look for in suicide prevention, such as somebody talking like they have no future, or they give their prized possessions away, or risky behaviors.

Sometimes there are NO red flags whatsoever.

Please advise your friends to get help, either their parents or the school counselor or the suicide prevention line

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800-273-8255)

ray:t2:ray:t2:ray:t2: For you and your classmates

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I’m sorry you are having a hard time with suicides at your high school. Speaking from my own experience, it is pretty common for young people to get overwhelmed with depression, anxiety, or just plain stress and suicide looks like an easier way out. As Scarlett said, sometimes there are no warnings and no red flags whatsoever, particularly since young people can be very impulsive.

We have free will, which means God doesn’t stop us from making bad choices. People can choose every day to engage in life-threatening behaviors like substance abuse or reckless driving or attempting suicide. Some of them will die. There are constantly threads and questions on this forum about why does God let people die or why didn’t God step in and stop this bad thing from happening. It always comes back to man having free will. I would suggest if you’re interested you use the search function and read some of the other threads.

You also need to realize that when it comes to your friends and loved ones, you’re not always going to be able to help them or save them. Presumably your school has provided anti-suicide resources like counselors, hotline numbers, etc. and publicized these. Scarlett listed a US hotline number above also. If you or any of your friends need help, please reach to these resources immediately or if you think your friends might be contemplating suicide, you can perhaps inform a school counselor. But you also have to accept that there’s only so much you can do and ultimately, your friends are responsible for their own choices.

I have had a friend commit suicide, dealt with other friends who were suicidal, also been suicidal myself in the past, without going into the details, so I understand. You can’t blame yourself though.

As for turning to God, it’s okay to just sit and tell God you have no words or you feel blocked and rely on him to do the rest. We all have these times when it feels like it’s hard to reach God or he is distant or not there. Rest assured that he’s still there and he knows what’s on your mind without prayers or words. Trust in his mercy.

I will pray for you and your school. God bless

 

[Irishmom2]

"As for turning to God, it’s okay to just sit and tell God you have no words or you feel blocked and rely on him to do the rest. "

These words from @Tis_Bearself are for me, the real crux of having faith. When you have no words, but you know that God will take care of you, and that he knows your heart anyway, that is real faith. It is then that we can rely on him no matter what is happening in our lives.

Sadly, many people that take their lives feel disconnected and hopeless. It is good that you reached out to your friend. Continue to do so. Let her know you are thinking of her. Show her by spending time with her.

As others have said, sometimes things happen with no red flags or signs given to us. But be certain that God sees their struggle and is right there with them. I know you think that God should stop every suicide, but that isn’t how it goes any more than him preventing every other horrible thing that happens. People have free will to do good or bad. And people have free will to follow God in faith or shut him out.

I hope that you will continue to read and learn more about Catholicism, so that when you are old enough to decide on your own, you will become Catholic if that is your wish.

 

[MaddieB]

Thank you all for your responses and prayers. Both of my friends have received help (or are currently) though truth be told I can’t say that I think it’s helping them too much. I do my best to be there for them, but I’m not sure how much help I’m being. I know how hard it is for them to believe that they can trust me and I’m just not sure what more I can do to show that they can trust me. I know I shouldn’t blame myself, but I do wonder if there’s anything I could have done to help them before they reached that point. @Tis_Bearself what you said about telling God that I feel blocked really hit home for me. With everything that’s going on right now I really wanted to turn to God, but I just wasn’t sure how. This really helped me along with what @Elf01 said about praying for their souls. Will my praying for them really make a difference? If (in the case of 2 boys who killed themselves) they died without regretting it or asking God for forgiveness, will my prayers actually make a difference? What about with my 2 friends who tried to kill themselves? Neither of them are religious so will my asking God to have mercy on them really matter?

 

[Elf01]

@Elf01 said about praying for their souls. Will my praying for them really make a difference? If (in the case of 2 boys who killed themselves) they died without regretting it or asking God for forgiveness, will my prayers actually make a difference? What about with my 2 friends who tried to kill themselves? Neither of them are religious so will my asking God to have mercy on them really matter?

They may not be culpable for what they did and may have had a split second of regret before they died. It may help and can’t hurt.

For those that are still alive God loves all his children, even those that don’t acknowledge him. I’m sure he won’t say no on the grounds that they are not religious.