Two Parishes, Neither Whole

[Elijah_Baley]

Over the years since graduating college, I’ve made sincere attempts to come back to the Church but have met with difficulty on social and liturgical levels.

I enjoy the Latin mass, having grown up around the Gregorian chant. Unfortunately, the sole Latin mass in my area has absolutely nobody around my age attending it. There are several young families and even more older couples and many, many children, but nobody of college age. This makes mass a wonderful experience and fellowship afterwards particularly poor. Do I make small talk with the young parents, though I really have no real level of connection with them? The old folks, despite having even less in common? The children, just in case I want the cops called on me? I’ve never socialized well to begin with, and I freeze up pretty well when put on the spot.

The Newman Center nearby, on the other hand, has plenty of young folks, but all Wonderbread Catholics, lacking in what I believe is appropriate reverence during its Sunday evening Vatican II-style mass. Naturally, because I like being difficult, this turns out as the opposite problem. Plenty of fellowship and shallow worship. Other activities are consistently scheduled during other weekly obligations, and none of the Newman Center kids seem to understand quite why I’d rather go to one parish for mass and the other to meet peers.

However I balance it, bouncing between the two parishes has never worked, and these masses are essentially the two options available.

I’d appreciate any words of wisdom.

 

[WetCatechumen]

I’m in the same position. The Newman Center at my university is, well, atrocious. The priest’s seat is not in the sanctuary, in the side chapel, there is no sanctuary, and the lectern and the altar are on opposite sides of it. There are two tabernacles; both are made of simply wood. The consecrated hosts are kept in pottery ciboria, and the priests wear their stoles outside their chasubles. Confession is for half-an-hour on Saturday. Worst of all, no one kneels during the consecration.

Many of the college students actively use birth control, have pre-marital sex, cohabitate, or support homosexuality. I have never heard any of these condemned from the pulpit (although my attendance is infrequent).

It’s a dismaying situation. Attending Mass their grieves my soul greatly. I attend a fantastic Novus Ordo parish which has a High Mass every Sunday. We used to use Latin for some of the parts of the Mass, but for some reason, it was changed at Advent to English. During Solemnities, our priest prays facing the altar (sadly, the church faces north). The laity are enthusiastic and orthodoxy is taught.

Unfortunately, there’s no one my age. Before I was received into the church, the feeling of isolation and being alone was even worse. I’m a convert, so all of my family and friends are Protestant save a few Catholics. My friends who are Catholics are usually not orthodox, so there are few that I empathize with. While I feel united more closely to the church in the celebration of the sacraments, I wish that I could be with people my age who see the world as I do, more like a traditional Catholic.

My recommendation: your own spiritual health comes first. If you need to be in an environment that expresses greater love and devotion to Jesus Christ, then go where you find that. Let yourself be built up. If you think you can stand it, stay and fight for orthodoxy in the Newman Center. Do not be intentionally contentious, but participate, be active, and be an example to those there that they might see how they might be better devoted to Christ.

 

[brotherhrolf]

The situation you describe is not new. It existed when I was in grad school in the late '70s. We didn’t have a Newman Center, per se. There was (and is) a parish on that university’s campus. DW and I were married there and were parishoners. That church has since been renovated and the renovation has followed pretty much what has been described of Newman Centers. It wasn’t so bad back then. Yes, the priest wore a tiger striped chasuble on game days for the vigil Mass. Yes, there was a big “folk” Mass on Sunday evenings but it was usually possible to go to the 8 or 10 Mass on Sunday morning and things were fairly orthodox.

On the other hand, my oldest son did not go to my university and his university had a Newman Center and he was appalled because he had been raised in a reverent cathedral parish with Latin. There was a local parish within walking distance of the university and he ended up there.

I attend a reverent cathedral parish in a city with two universities. It is in a downtown area which has been abandoned and few of the parishoners actually live within the borders of the parish. We have young singles, young families, people my age and people of my parent’s generation. I know we are not unique. You may be willing to have to drive to find your parish home. Don’t give up hope or give up on HMC.

 

[ibkc]

Maybe try to get to know one or two of the Newman Center folks, and convince them to try the traditional mass with you?

 

[peary1]

Over the years since graduating college, I’ve made sincere attempts to come back to the Church but have met with difficulty on social and liturgical levels.

I enjoy the Latin mass, having grown up around the Gregorian chant. Unfortunately, the sole Latin mass in my area has absolutely nobody around my age attending it. There are several young families and even more older couples and many, many children, but nobody of college age. This makes mass a wonderful experience and fellowship afterwards particularly poor. Do I make small talk with the young parents, though I really have no real level of connection with them? The old folks, despite having even less in common? The children, just in case I want the cops called on me? I’ve never socialized well to begin with, and I freeze up pretty well when put on the spot.

The Newman Center nearby, on the other hand, has plenty of young folks, but all Wonderbread Catholics, lacking in what I believe is appropriate reverence during its Sunday evening Vatican II-style mass. Naturally, because I like being difficult, this turns out as the opposite problem. Plenty of fellowship and shallow worship. Other activities are consistently scheduled during other weekly obligations, and none of the Newman Center kids seem to understand quite why I’d rather go to one parish for mass and the other to meet peers.

However I balance it, bouncing between the two parishes has never worked, and these masses are essentially the two options available.

I’d appreciate any words of wisdom.

i don’t get what your issue is. when I attended college, I found that, although the Newman Center was filled with my own age, it lacked a lot of awe for the Mass. A few of us found a Sunday celebration at a local monastery. The chapel was good-sized, but not many attended, mostly older folks. but that did not matter because there was more reverence there and I felt more comfortable. By the way, the Mass was the ordinary form - Novus Ordo. Of course, this was over thirty years ago, but I know what you are saying. Why not just find a Catholic church in town and attend Mass there? Mass is Mass, but you do have options.

 

[Red_Meg]

I don’t know your location, but I had similar difficulties in college. For my “social” outlet, I mostly had friends amongst the campus Pro-Life group, which was largely populated by people who were friendly towards or belonged to Opus Dei. My suggestions would be to 1) check out your college’s Pro-Life group (if there is one) since those kids will probably not quite be drinking the promiscuity Kool-Aid the way most of the Newman kids are, and 2) see if there’s an Opus Dei center nearby. Their NO Masses are the most reverent, inspiring celebrations you can imagine. And there will likely either be some kind of college-age group meeting there for activities, or the folks there may at least be able to put you in contact with other like-minded, same-age Catholics in your vicinity. I know that our local center has spawned a long-running late-night Rosary group at Stanford University. It’s a great source of friendship and moral support for the kids who attend. Even if there’s nothing really big running, all it takes is two or three for starters, right?

Good luck,

Margaret

 

[puzzleannie]

Over
I’d appreciate any words of wisdom.

attend Mass at the Newman Center often enough to make some friends and invite them to accompany you to the Latin Mass, and soon you will have a core group of young adults introduced to this wonderful experience, and this may bear good fruit you cannot even imagine.

 

[corsair]

Puzzleannie has some great advise. And if that doesn’t work then I’d go to the EF Mass and just learn to adjust. Its amazing what a person can do once they step outside of their comfort zone.

 

[bubba451]

There are some good ideas from others. However, you may find that some of those young families and older people are just waiting to lavish some attention on new people who want to get to know them. We have a TLM community that like most has some “age gaps” and we diligently work to bridge those gaps when given the opportunity. Both sides have to reach out. Last weekend, one of our most senior members-grown adult families that live out of town- was asking if they should be concerned about a high school age person who seemed to have few potential social contacts in the group. We decided to reach out to that person and found that they just didn’t know how to approach older members to get to know them. They felt that they wouldn’t be taken seriously if hey initiated the contact. Hopefully we can change that perception over time.

Some of our college age students have basically been adopted by families as older examples for their younger kids and it has given opportunities for the college students to interact with the parents and even become friends. Not talking about babysitting here…My wife and I are often in the role of encouragers for some of our adoptive college students.

Bottom line, some of this is your responsibility to reach out to others as the occasion arises. Make it known you want to find a home. Don’t be surprised if this alone has very positive results. Best wishes

 

[diggerdomer]

Over the years since graduating college, I’ve made sincere attempts to come back to the Church but have met with difficulty on social and liturgical levels.

I enjoy the Latin mass, having grown up around the Gregorian chant. Unfortunately, the sole Latin mass in my area has absolutely nobody around my age attending it. There are several young families and even more older couples and many, many children, but nobody of college age. This makes mass a wonderful experience and fellowship afterwards particularly poor. Do I make small talk with the young parents, though I really have no real level of connection with them? The old folks, despite having even less in common? The children, just in case I want the cops called on me? I’ve never socialized well to begin with, and I freeze up pretty well when put on the spot.

The Newman Center nearby, on the other hand, has plenty of young folks, but all Wonderbread Catholics, lacking in what I believe is appropriate reverence during its Sunday evening Vatican II-style mass. Naturally, because I like being difficult, this turns out as the opposite problem. Plenty of fellowship and shallow worship. Other activities are consistently scheduled during other weekly obligations, and none of the Newman Center kids seem to understand quite why I’d rather go to one parish for mass and the other to meet peers.

However I balance it, bouncing between the two parishes has never worked, and these masses are essentially the two options available.

I’d appreciate any words of wisdom.

Focus on Christ first, then you can worry about or deal with the Latin Mass, Newman Center, etc.