Is respect for the Eucharist not everyone’s responsibility?
Great question by the OP, and so very important. Lots of excellent responses, too. Love the above answer by pensmama87. Will have to remember all of these for my own reference. I have a feeling there are a lot of us around who are trying to figure out the best way to help some others in our lives to get closer to Our Lord.I think you can say it once. I don’t think it’s wrong to do so. But to continue to do it will probably harden hearts more than soften them.
I will say that I know prayer can work, because it softened my heart. But when people tried to challenge me with logic and reason I became obstinate. Nobody likes to told they’re wrong. Some people like it less than others.
)
, but at the end of the night a 75 year old man hung back to ask her this question:
But at least he knows.I went to a conference at the Chancery yesterday. There was a national speaker and about 50 of us DRE’s. Her topic was how to teach children and families when they need Sacraments. What I found interesting was her research based upon travelling the U.S. giving talks and promoting certain materials (that’s how they get these people…at the end of their presentations they get to pitch their wares…
At any rate, she said that today, in the US, many Catholic parents have come to regard Sacraments as a “family tradition”. The have no clue what the Mass is about, they have no concept of the real presence and can’t begin to grasp it, have no clear grasp of the 10 Commandments either, Her premise was, don’t waste your time trying to teach them Church History when they need an invitation to encounter Christ. They need to know WHY they are there, and why this feeds their children. Many of them simply have the grandparents calling every other week saying “when is my grandchild getting Baptized? When is my grandchild making her First Holy Communion?” It’s a family duty, not a real relationship nor a way of life.
I think this phenomenon is at the heart of the matter. But those of us who are catechized (to whatever degree) simply cannot give up on our brothers and sisters in the name of “I don’t want to offend or hurt their feelings”.
I don’t’ want my friend to make a terrible mistake either.
You and I both know there is a WAY to do it, and there is a really bad way to do it.
I think you’re talking about gentle correction, instruction, a compassionate discussion. I don’t think you would ever hit someone over the head with the Catechism or the GIRM because you know in your heart that this will not move anyone.
I would say, if he is truly your friend, have a cup of tea or coffee with him, and ask him how he regards the reception of the Sacraments. It could be that HE JUST DOESN"T KNOW.
This same presenter told a story of when her pastor asked her to give a talk to singles in the parish. She said they thought some 20 & 30 somethings would attend. They were shocked when people ranging in ages from 19 to 77 showed up. There was much discussion about how to find a nice Catholic spouse, yada yada…turns out the elderly thought that daily Mass was a good place to scope out the widows,
“so you’re telling me, that Catholics can’t have sex unless they are married?” He had been a member for at least 55 years there, never missed a Sunday liturgy, raised a large family, and had been faithful to his wife, no problem. But here he was wondering something that everyone presumes that everyone already knows.
His children didn’t want him to marry this women because they thought their inheritance would disappear, and they were still mad at God for taking their mother home. He should be alone. He kept saying “but I met someone, and my kids won’t let me marry her!”
So she told him what the church teaches.
And he probably is now thinking “I’m sorry, I just don’t think God is going to be mad at us”.
I guess what I’m saying is…sometimes it pays to get close enough to people to feel their pain, answer their questions and challenge them. Because they don’t really know much of the time, and the truth is always the most compassionate way.
Gad bless you, Adam. If her were MY friend, I’d go there. I’d tread lightly, because that is true charity, but I wouldn’t shy away from the discussion. It may take him years to change his thinking, but were are called to plant the seed. Remember the story of the young man who wanted to follow Christ, but was disappointed that he had to give up somethings that he wanted to hold on to. Only your friend can decide if it’s worth it. But you can be a living example of the walk . To do that, you have to walk beside him.
peace.
Also remember that people often get defensive out of embarrassment. Their harsh or standoffish responses my leave you feeling like you had no effect, or that you need to push harder, but it’s amazing how powerful a kind but truthful criticism can be, and though it may have felt ineffectual to you at the time, it tapped deep into their core and planted seeds that will grow into positive change.
Thank you so much Clare…I went to a conference at the Chancery yesterday. There was a national speaker and about 50 of us DRE’s. Her topic was how to teach children and families when they need Sacraments. What I found interesting was her research based upon travelling the U.S. giving talks and promoting certain materials (that’s how they get these people…at the end of their presentations they get to pitch their wares…
At any rate, she said that today, in the US, many Catholic parents have come to regard Sacraments as a “family tradition”. The have no clue what the Mass is about, they have no concept of the real presence and can’t begin to grasp it, have no clear grasp of the 10 Commandments either, Her premise was, don’t waste your time trying to teach them Church History when they need an invitation to encounter Christ. They need to know WHY they are there, and why this feeds their children. Many of them simply have the grandparents calling every other week saying “when is my grandchild getting Baptized? When is my grandchild making her First Holy Communion?” It’s a family duty, not a real relationship nor a way of life.
I think this phenomenon is at the heart of the matter. But those of us who are catechized (to whatever degree) simply cannot give up on our brothers and sisters in the name of “I don’t want to offend or hurt their feelings”.
I don’t’ want my friend to make a terrible mistake either.
You and I both know there is a WAY to do it, and there is a really bad way to do it.
I think you’re talking about gentle correction, instruction, a compassionate discussion. I don’t think you would ever hit someone over the head with the Catechism or the GIRM because you know in your heart that this will not move anyone.
I would say, if he is truly your friend, have a cup of tea or coffee with him, and ask him how he regards the reception of the Sacraments. It could be that HE JUST DOESN"T KNOW.
This same presenter told a story of when her pastor asked her to give a talk to singles in the parish. She said they thought some 20 & 30 somethings would attend. They were shocked when people ranging in ages from 19 to 77 showed up. There was much discussion about how to find a nice Catholic spouse, yada yada…turns out the elderly thought that daily Mass was a good place to scope out the widows,
“so you’re telling me, that Catholics can’t have sex unless they are married?” He had been a member for at least 55 years there, never missed a Sunday liturgy, raised a large family, and had been faithful to his wife, no problem. But here he was wondering something that everyone presumes that everyone already knows.
His children didn’t want him to marry this women because they thought their inheritance would disappear, and they were still mad at God for taking their mother home. He should be alone. He kept saying “but I met someone, and my kids won’t let me marry her!”
So she told him what the church teaches.
And he probably is now thinking “I’m sorry, I just don’t think God is going to be mad at us”.
I guess what I’m saying is…sometimes it pays to get close enough to people to feel their pain, answer their questions and challenge them. Because they don’t really know much of the time, and the truth is always the most compassionate way.
Gad bless you, Adam. If her were MY friend, I’d go there. I’d tread lightly, because that is true charity, but I wouldn’t shy away from the discussion. It may take him years to change his thinking, but were are called to plant the seed. Remember the story of the young man who wanted to follow Christ, but was disappointed that he had to give up somethings that he wanted to hold on to. Only your friend can decide if it’s worth it. But you can be a living example of the walk . To do that, you have to walk beside him.
peace.
You can’t make others have respect, you can only show respect yourself and hope that you influence them.
He’s not talking about FORCING this guy.
True and we should all try to be a positive influence where we can it’s just it requires a lot of judgement and care. You can be right but it doesn’t mean the other person wants to hear it. I think its a good idea to take time to get to know someone and pick your moments.
If someone made that comment to me, I would probably pick up the cross around my neck and say ‘My religion means the world to, if you wish to discuss it, you need to let me have my say’ Then I would give the person the opportunity to say ‘let’s talk about something else’ or listen to my say. I would explain it to them and if they started to personally attack me, i would end the conversation.
I can certainly think of situations where blunt truth telling is uncharitable. I know a Catholic woman whose ill husband died as she was praying the Chaplet of Divine Mercy for him at his bedside. She told me that “at least I know he went to the right place”.
That would definitely not be the right moment.
So you believe a person would begrudge this poor woman moment of hope (because that’s what it was) and instead prefer to read from the catechism to her in a time of grief?
I certainly hope no one actually would do such a thing in real life. But I have read my share of CAF posts by those grumbling that priests are speaking sacrilegious homilies at funerals that imply the departed soul MUST be in heaven. Since they are complaining, I assume they’d prefer that priests actually bring up the possibility the deceased is in Purgatory, or even Hell. I also recall some debates about the fate of unbaptized infants.
Well, I’m not sure hoe many liars are on CAF, but people tend to spout off more online than in real life.
I think there’s a kinder way to do it than say, “hey, maybe they’re in purgatory,” and one can do that by reminding those present that they are praying for the repose of the deceased’s soul, and to please continue to do so after the funeral liturgy. In our parish priests say that regularly at funerals and otherwise - including with the approach of All Souls Day.
I don’t think anyone would do that here. I probably would have said, yes he’s on his journey to heaven.
or nothing.There is another aspect to consdier. God speaks to people and answers their prayers. Perhaps God spoke to her and told her he is in Heaven. She wasn’t necessarily quoting church teachings, she could have been relating a truthful fact about her journey
I think this is a nice summary of the situation.
o) so it’s something I keep trying to do better at.