Uncomfortable with awards for charitable work?

[Peace-bwu]

I am an military wife. We live on base, are members of the base chapel, all our friends are military members. I have young children and very little time to volunteer my time so choose wisely. Over the 5 years we have been here I have found that my time is of the most use with the Squadron Wives club. I make meals and take them to families who are experiencing loss, illness or a new baby. I make cookies for the USO and lend support to all the wives with words of kindness, and phone calls and letters or cookies while their husbands are deployed. We volunteer for Christmas and Easter parties, raise funds, etc.

My husband came home a few days ago and told me I needed to make a list of all the things I have done for the squadron over the past year or so because I am up for an award. I immediately felt uncomfortable with this. Although I have taught CCD (AKA: RE) and am now a sub and assistant for CCD, my work for the squadron wives group has been where all my charitable volunteerism has gone over the past 4 years. Most of the women are devout Catholic or Protestant, so it has been a wonderful way to support the families of my immediate circle and we have had prayer circles and have even witnessed a few miracles.

It is nice to be recognized, and I know they have the best of intentions but I am not doing this to receive credit or awards, and honestly do not keep a tally of everything I have done. It made me wonder if I am truly serving God the way I thought I was, or if I am wasting my time on earthly reward? The Air Force community is run by reward, medals, promotions, etc, But usually wives do work from their own good will and desire to make things easier for other families.

I decided to ignore the “award” and not write out what all I have done, so they will probably choose another lady.

I am curious about other people’s opinions on this matter. Has anyone received an award for their charitable work or church service and felt uncomfortable with it ? Am I right to feel this way? I don’t want to be using the little bit of time I have for charity to be self serving, but I also feel strongly that everyone should make their own little corner of the world better.

 

[allhers]

Peace-bwu:

I am an military wife. We live on base, are members of the base chapel, all our friends are military members. I have young children and very little time to volunteer my time so choose wisely. Over the 5 years we have been here I have found that my time is of the most use with the Squadron Wives club. I make meals and take them to families who are experiencing loss, illness or a new baby. I make cookies for the USO and lend support to all the wives with words of kindness, and phone calls and letters or cookies while their husbands are deployed. We volunteer for Christmas and Easter parties, raise funds, etc.

My husband came home a few days ago and told me I needed to make a list of all the things I have done for the squadron over the past year or so because I am up for an award. I immediately felt uncomfortable with this. Although I have taught CCD (AKA: RE) and am now a sub and assistant for CCD, my work for the squadron wives group has been where all my charitable volunteerism has gone over the past 4 years. Most of the women are devout Catholic or Protestant, so it has been a wonderful way to support the families of my immediate circle and we have had prayer circles and have even witnessed a few miracles.

It is nice to be recognized, and I know they have the best of intentions but I am not doing this to receive credit or awards, and honestly do not keep a tally of everything I have done. It made me wonder if I am truly serving God the way I thought I was, or if I am wasting my time on earthly reward? The Air Force community is run by reward, medals, promotions, etc, But usually wives do work from their own good will and desire to make things easier for other families.

I decided to ignore the “award” and not write out what all I have done, so they will probably choose another lady.

I am curious about other people’s opinions on this matter. Has anyone received an award for their charitable work or church service and felt uncomfortable with it ? Am I right to feel this way? I don’t want to be using the little bit of time I have for charity to be self serving, but I also feel strongly that everyone should make their own little corner of the world better.

I agree with you too. Seems to just be some little way that they have come up with to say, “we see that you are doing good.” Well, like you, I do it all for the glory of God, not me. I wouldn’t want to be recognized in front of a group of people for that either, (I once was “surprised” in this way, it made me very uncomfortable, embarresed and uneasy.) Even a little angry.

 

[Joysong]

How timely your thoughts were penned here, for in my parish at this time, our pastor mailed a letter to parishioners asking them to submit names of those whom they feel have done outstanding service for the parish. The pastor is anticipating an award to them at a dinner in October. Like you, I was extremely uncomfortable with this proposal.

Those who feel they have done much, but are not recognized, may feel very hurt when they are overlooked. I remember a thread on this forum where an innocent person asked the members to submit the names of their favorite “poster(s).” One gentleman who posted a great deal was completely overlooked in the lists, and left the forum feeling highly slighted and offended.

Incidentally, as I remember the “widow’s mite” that Jesus cited as being very tiny, remarking that she gave more than all the rest Many people contribute in so many hidden ways that are not magnanimous or overt, and God sees what lies in their heart. For example, how about those suffering in terminal illness who offer their extreme pains for the good of the parishioners? Who sees or know about this? Or those who go to Adoration or simply in the silence of their prayer rooms, lift up the needs of the many?

Of course, not everyone would take offense if they are not nominated, but might feel relieved that their works will remain hidden, known to God alone, and will they may receive their reward exclusively from Him as He sees fit to bless them. There comes to mind a scripture that teaches us not let the right hand know what the left hand is doing. We do our good unto the Lord.

It may be that these awards are meant innocently to be an inspiration for others to imitate. Many times I have watched programs where Christian service is so outstanding that I become supercharged to follow their example. In that vein, this could be a very nice opportunity to humbly accept the limelight for the sake of those others.

Carole

 

[WanderAimlessly]

Peace-bwu:

I am curious about other people’s opinions on this matter. Has anyone received an award for their charitable work or church service and felt uncomfortable with it ? Am I right to feel this way? I don’t want to be using the little bit of time I have for charity to be self serving, but I also feel strongly that everyone should make their own little corner of the world better.

You have the right to feel this way.

I have stated on a different thread that I prefer to work behind the scenes. I do not like the limelight and try to avoid it all cost. Charity is suppose to be done for the glory of God, not for personal gain.

PF

 

[Peace-bwu]

Joysong:

How timely your thoughts were penned here, for in my parish at this time, our pastor mailed a letter to parishioners asking them to submit names of those whom they feel have done outstanding service for the parish. The pastor is anticipating an award to them at a dinner in October. Like you, I was extremely uncomfortable with this proposal.

Those who feel they have done much, but are not recognized, may feel very hurt when they are overlooked. I remember a thread on this forum where an innocent person asked the members to submit the names of their favorite “poster(s).” One gentleman who posted a great deal was completely overlooked in the lists, and left the forum feeling highly slighted and offended.

Incidentally, as I remember the “widow’s mite” that Jesus cited as being very tiny, remarking that she gave more than all the rest Many people contribute in so many hidden ways that are not magnanimous or overt, and God sees what lies in their heart. For example, how about those suffering in terminal illness who offer their extreme pains for the good of the parishioners? Who sees or know about this? Or those who go to Adoration or simply in the silence of their prayer rooms, lift up the needs of the many?

Of course, not everyone would take offense if they are not nominated, but might feel relieved that their works will remain hidden, known to God alone, and will they may receive their reward exclusively from Him as He sees fit to bless them. There comes to mind a scripture that teaches us not let the right hand know what the left hand is doing. We do our good unto the Lord.

It may be that these awards are meant innocently to be an inspiration for others to imitate. Many times I have watched programs where Christian service is so outstanding that I become supercharged to follow their example. In that vein, this could be a very nice opportunity to humbly accept the limelight for the sake of those others.

Carole

Your thoughts are in the same realm as mine. I know that the people who conceived of the awards meant them as a way to thank those who have given much to the squadron, and to show an example for those who could use some inspiration, but I think it could possibly backfire. It will make some people feel jealous or hurt that they were not recognized and others feel embarassed because they were doing it only to help others and as a small sacrifice which also serves the community. Not everyone in my husband’s squadron are religious, but it seems that a huge majority of those who volunteer their time to serve the families in the squadron are. I hope my life could be an inspriation to those around me, as a life lived for Christ, but I don’t feel I need some kind of award that could spark bad feelings for others or make myself uneasy to do it. I would rather see them give a special thankyou to every wife who has done something to help other families, no matter how small, than to award a select few. My personal resolution was to decide not to make a “good wife list” and go on about my participation with the group.

It made me wonder whether I am actually giving where I am needed most. My thought was that I was serving my neighbor with love and support. I am searching my soul to determine whether any personal pride was involved in my giving.

 

[Peace-bwu]

Another part of this group I am involved in is known as the Key Spouse Support group. It is done on a volunteer basis, the spouses receive training on how to support fellow spouses while their husbands or wives are deployed overseas. We are supposed to inform them of all the benefits on base and lend an ear and shoulder, but as a friend, not a counselor, and we are not permitted to give advice, but point them in the right official direction if they need such services.

I have done this for about a year, but also did it before there was a program. The base had a Key Spouse recognition ceremony and they had a key speaker. It happened to be Senator Biden. I thought alot about this, thought about not going, and decided if I was going to meet a pro-abortion senator I was going to wear a tasteful, yet sizable prolife pin. I thought it would be better to make a quiet prolife stand, than to simply not go.

So I went and wore my pin and several of the other ladies commented on how great it was that I felt comfortable enough to wear that and we were able to have a bit of positive chatting about the issue.

In the end it turned out to be a big photo op for SEN. Biden and the focus was all on him. I have been thinking about discontinuing my participation in this program, even though it gives me the opportunity to lend support to fellow spouses, the awards we have been given far outweigh the work we do, and this is the second pro-abortion politician they have had as a key speaker. As much as I wanted this to be a good means of service, it seems to be very artificial So I am going to be praying for discernment about whether this has been a wise use of my resources.

 

[Joysong]

Peace-bwu:

I would rather see them give a special thankyou to every wife who has done something to help other families, no matter how small, than to award a select few.

:clapping:

You have a lovely heart, Peace! God bless you, and I pray you will reconsider staying with the spouses. My grandson is serving in Iraq, although he is not a spouse, my daughter receives a lot of similar support from other moms who care enough to reach out and give comfort. The Commander has also eased their fears with lots of e-mail and info. They’re not all “Bidens” … hmmm.

Your compassion and helpfulness is doing far more good than the stuffy senator could possibly thwart by stealing the show. “Amen, he has received his reward!!”

Carole

 

[springbreeze]

Dear friend

God Bless you in eternity for your heart, faith and work.

I agree with you. No one person can achieve any great good work first without God’s grace to do good and secondly without the help of others. No one person can make a good act of any great measure without the help and support of others even if the idea perceived or the intial work is done by them. Unless they bear fruit and others join them in a great good work, nothing will happen, we can do no great works without God and without each other, therefore to praise one single person is incorrect to my mind. The majority of us achieve no great good works, we can only do small things with great love, as Mother Teresa said and this is living prayer, glorifying God in all we do, say and think. The small works all added together make a mountain of good works and this is what we should aim for, nevertheless, we should all be prepared to do the extra-ordinary for God and not be afraid of crossing the line into great and brave acts of faith trusting in God.

I am sure when Mother Teresa accepted the Noble Peace Prize, she did so for God and she did so for all those others who helped her achieve this great work for God and her brothers and sisters. She did not intend, as a Saint, to glorify her ownself, but rather to glorify God.

Personally I would be very shy of being praised for a good work of any kind as there is no good in me save that which God has graced to me and so rightly all the thanks and praise should be to God. We are all poor and broken instruments of God’s grace, mercy and love. The only thing any single one of us ever does is give our own personal fiat, our own yes to God, this is our daily choice, to continue to say yes to God and He upholds everything else in His Providence.

So rightly I thank God for you, friend, for your heart, your works and your faith and love. Accept any award offered you and in doing so, glorify God and thank God and all those who helped you.

God Bless you greatly always and much love and peace to you and those you love.

Teresa

 

[contemplative]

springbreeze:

I am sure when Mother Teresa accepted the Noble Peace Prize, she did so for God and she did so for all those others who helped her achieve this great work for God and her brothers and sisters. She did not intend, as a Saint, to glorify her ownself, but rather to glorify God.

The rest of the story…

**When Mother Teresa received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1979, she accepted it “in the name of the hungry, of the the naked, of the homeless, of the blind, of the lepers, of all those who feel unwanted, unlove, uncared for throughout society.” She asked the Nobel Committee to forgo the traditional banquet in honor of the peace prizewinner. She fed the poor Christmas dinner with the money. Under the circumstances I believe that Mother Teresa did exceptionally well in accepting an award I am sure she did not want any acclaim for. She used it as an opportunity to openly reflect all her love back to God and His people. **

I feel whole heartedly the same way Peace BWU. Peace BWU is not talking about Nobel Peace Prize winners. It is difficult if not impossible for award recipients to reflect in the same way Mother Teresa did. It is most discouraging to see our young people drawn into vain glory…vain glory.

Peace BWU, Thanks so much for stating something I have felt for a long, long time.

 

[springbreeze]

The rest of the story…

**When Mother Teresa received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1979, she accepted it “in the name of the hungry, of the the naked, of the homeless, of the blind, of the lepers, of all those who feel unwanted, unlove, uncared for throughout society.” She asked the Nobel Committee to forgo the traditional banquet in honor of the peace prizewinner. She fed the poor Christmas dinner with the money. Under the circumstances I believe that Mother Teresa did exceptionally well in accepting an award I am sure she did not want any acclaim for. She used it as an opportunity to openly reflect all her love back to God and His people. **

I feel whole heartedly the same way Peace BWU. Peace BWU is not talking about Nobel Peace Prize winners. It is difficult if not impossible for award recipients to reflect in the same way Mother Teresa did. It is most discouraging to see our young people drawn into vain glory…vain glory.

Peace BWU, Thanks so much for stating something I have felt for a long, long time.

Dear Contemplative

Thank you for providing the story of Mother Teresa and the Noble Peace Prize, I didn’t know so thank you, but was sure she would not have glorified her ownself. That is not how Christians live for God, they live to empty the self and live in Christ Jesus…oh happy exchange!

I agree with you that such things are vain glory. Those who seek the praise of men have had their reward!

Our friend here is not seeking the praise of men, she can do two things here accept the award and in doing so glorify God in whatever words she chooses to speak at the receipt of her award that the Holy Spirit will grant to her heart. Or she can decline the award stating why, either way glorifies God. Only PeaceBWU can decide what God is calling her to do here.

There is good reason to accept the award, it may well inspire by the power of the Holy Spirit others to join and continue in her good works and by the grace of God increase and deepen faith drawing others closer to the Truth. Our friend will not live forever in this earthly life and her works should well continue! As a good Catholic woman with a heart convicted to God, you will not grow proud from the receipt of this award. In a world that promotes the self, you are very self-effacing, this should not be taken to the point of denying God’s good works in you. Truly humility does not deny fault or talent. St Paul said we should praise those around us and offer thanks to God for it is ALL his work by grace. People are not being vain by desiring to offer you an award, they are indeed being self-effacing by recognising your good works, even if they do not recognise all goodness and holiness comes from God. Now is your chance by your choice, to tell them that!

We can all be like Mother Teresa, it’s not a matter of scale or magnitude…in God all things are infinite no matter how small or large.

God Bless you and all and much love and peace to you

Teresa

 

[Peace-bwu]

I decided that if there ever comes a time that I do receive an award from my husband’s squadron or the base I will make sure to make a comment about why I did the work and that any thanks for my service should go directly to God because without his Grace I would not be able to step outside of my own busy life to help fellow spouses in my same position. I decided to stick with the group because in the spare chance that it could help one military wife not feel alone and uncared for, it is well worth the little bit of political garbage I have to sift through. Most wives are quite self-sufficient, but appreciate being thought of. Being a military wife is, sadly, like survival of the fittest. By the time a spouse has survived the first 5 years, chances are she is quite strong!

I wanted to share something special with you.

On Sunday, after Mass, our priest announced that funding has been drastically cut for the base chapel. This chapel serves the Catholic and Protestant community as well as Jewish, Muslim and even Pagan.

Catholic Parishoners will need to be raising money for CCD and other religious education and youth ministry projects. soley on our own now. I think God answered my prayers of questioning where He wants me, where my hands are most needed. So, while I will continue my participation with squadron spouse activities, I will begin to focus more on our Cathoilc Community on Base.

It seems that each religious group will need to provide their own funds for such programs and will not be subsidized by the base.

Now I understand the small whisperings of the Holy Spirit that my spare time could now be better used for my small Catholic community.
Just thougth I would share my answer to prayer. I know I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am always humbled and delighted that God would actually take time to listen to me. I am sure it is also an answer to the parish leader’s prayers that more of us will step up to volunteer for fundraising etc.

 

[Peace-bwu]

The director of Religious education called today and asked whether I could teach 5th grade CCD.

Wow, God works quickly

 

[AlanFromWichita]

Punishment and threats, against rewards and promises.

That’s how the world works. That’s how it trains you to behave the way it wants you to. Through classical conditioning and operant conditioning, we can train rats and chickens to entertain us. We can also train human beings to march to our tune, as long as their spirit gives consent.

My daughter was in near tears after her eighth grade promotion Mass because she won so many awards that she felt pedestalized and alienated from her class. OTOH, the awards she won earned her a scholarship to go to Catholic High School, where she wanted to go anyway but we could not pay for it.

So whaddyagonnado?

I received an award for engineering cost savings at work one time, when a technician was the one who actually solved the problem in a way better than my own idea. Doesn’t matter. The paperwork went to me.

We like to be appreciative of people, but when we give them public recognition for charity, does that not rob them of their heavenly gain – or at least place them into temptation to think they have actually earned an award over others they know darn well were just as dedicated but didn’t “happen” to tally the right bean count for the award?

I’ve won academic awards, and I have received certificates for volunteering on all sorts of things. They are great for worldly uses such as resumes, so I am not sorry I got them. The problem is, once I’ve been rewarded on this life for stewardship, it is no longer stewardship.

I think it is gracious to accept the award because people are so confused about this that they might take the refusal of an award as disrespect, or worse, you will give the impression that you are not only an award winner, but you are so holy you Would Not Take The Award. Maybe that’s why Mother Teresa took the award; she knew it would cause less scandal, even though it may have been difficult for her soul. Somehow I think she did just fine.

The whole idea about us being individuals and earning and deserving credit for what we do, is the backbone of satan’s attempts at pitting us against each other to make sure that by the time a child grows up, there is no true notion of brotherhood left.

Then again, I’m so sensitive or the meanings of words, I am still uncomfortable with the act of contrition where we say, “because of thy just punishment (or whatever goes for that these days) – but most of all because they offend thee my God…” The problem I have, is if I’m sorry because I am going to be punished, then that means there may be some worldly interests involved, making it not an unconditional confession. IOW, if I say to my Dad, “Dad, I’ll do what you ask because I love you and because I know you will spank me if I don’t” then what is Dad to infer from that? Do I love him, or am I just afraid he’s going to hurt me? Or is that the same thing – is being afraid of getting hurt by him the same thing as loving him?

This whole confusion by which we make children crazy was summed up nicely on a sticker I saw the other day, on a gasoline pump. The sticker outlined the penalties in Kansas for driving off without paying for gas, with a stern police-face figure. The bold face print then summarized, “Do The Right Thing and Pay for your gas, or face stiff penalties.” If I’m afraid of the penalties, why the part about the Right Thing? If I’m inclined to do the Right Thing, the penalties are irrelevant. There is no real philosophy here; it’s just a scatter bombing of techniques hoping one will work to control people’s behavior.

Alan

 

[Al_Masetti]

It’s like I lose my celestial brownie points… I get my reward in this life instead of in the next one.

 

[ProudArmyWife]

Hey there from one military spouse to another!

I understand your thoughts about “accepting” the volunteer award. However, like Mother Teresa, you aren’t doing it for the reward or even for the thanks (and if we were, we would be crazy as there are a lot of easier ways to get attention than being a military spouse!). Just remember sometimes the receipients of your blessings want to say thanks and this is their way of doing it. I think your humble thanks and talking about others who are/were involved would be perfect.

Also, I think (but now sure) military RE funding has been cut everywhere. I have a meeting in the AM about funding not coming for any materials and classes start in just a few weeks! It will be difficult for our overseas community to raise funds due to military restrictions and, well, lack of any business, etc. Any gracious benefactors out there?