G
gerryw
Guest
Hello,
This is my first post here. I am in a very uncomfortable situation. I have been with my fiancee for nearly 7 years. We were engaged in January. Things were fine up until just before we got engaged.
One weekend in early January she was out with some friends from work and a person, G, was out with them. G is from America and was in town to assist my fiancee and her company with inventory (he works for the parent company). While they were out, G came onto my fiancee. The story that I was told was that she was uncomfortable with it and asked him to stop. They exchanged email addresses so that he could write her to apologize. She was very upset the following week (she told me it was because she needed a break after the Christmas rush) and I booked her a flight up to see me, I am away at school. I had been planning to ask her to marry me the next month when I was home to visit but I thought this would be a good time to do it. The night before she was supposed to arrive I checked her email, she was still acting upset. I found messages to and from G. The emails made it seem like something had happened between them when they were out. She also said that she was coming to my town to visit a “friend”, and didn’t mention anything about a boyfriend. I was devastated. I cried, I paced my apartment for hours. But when she got here, I didn’t mention it. I asked her to marry me and she was genuinely happy. So were our families. I asked her what had been bothering her and she said it was because G had come onto her and it had upset her. She said that she’d never hear from him again.
I accepted this but I still had my suspicions, especially since one of the emails said something about her sending him something, and sure enough, there was a receipt from the post office in her purse. She had sent him a shirt, CD, and perfume totaling $50. When I saw her tracking a package on the internet, she had said that it was for a female friend of hers in another town. It was a blatant lie.
Things were fine after she left, but I couldn’t check her email anymore since she had changed her password. This left me a bit suspicious. She had been hoping to visit a town in the USA close to where G lives, to visit another of our friends. One of his emails to her mentioned that he would try to see if he could get to that town if she made it down. I was nervous. I asked her not to go, and I ended up buying her a ticket up to see me for the same weekend.
She came to visit again a month later and when she was getting a shower she had left her email open. There were dozens of messages to and from G. She had told me that he knew about me and about us getting engaged. But there was nothing about me in the emails. The tone of the emails made it seem like she was single. There were also emails of a sexual nature. It seemed apparent that if they were in the same city they would try to get together. I was shaking as I read the emails. I acted normally for the rest of her trip, but once she left I called a friend to explain everything. He told me to confront her about it. I also called my mother, who told me that problems needed to be talked about.
So the day after I left I called her and asked her about it. She didn’t deny that she had been talking to him, but she said it was innocent, he was just asking about our hometown, things like that. I didn’t let on how much I knew. She was angry at me for keeping it in for as long as I did. But she said that she sent him an email saying that she didn’t want him to contact her anymore. I came home a few days later for winter break and things were fine while I was home.
There’s another part to the story. After we got engaged she began sending me picture messages of herself wearing only underwear, sometimes less. She hadn’t done this before, but I didn’t really mind. She said she was sending them for me. I thought it was pretty awesome. But I was looking at another email she has and she has been sending these photos to G as well. She even sent them after our discussion a few weeks ago when she said that she wouldn’t send him any more messages. I was enraged when I saw them yesterday. Obviously I haven’t told my mother about this particular thing. Those were supposed to be private photos. I can’t believe that she has sent them to someone else. I am at my wit’s end. I told my mother last night that I was still having some trust issues. She told me to pray, and to pray for my fiancee. I pray every single day. I know that God will lead me through this but this is a very trying time. My schoolwork has suffered because of this whole ordeal and so has my state of mind. It is extremely difficult. I don’t know what else to do.
I know that she won’t see this individual, maybe ever again. He lives pretty far away from us. And she is living in a new apartment in my Grandmother’s house, so she won’t be able to have people over without someone noticing. But before this I had never had a trust issue with her. This has shattered all that. I am heartbroken. I try to live up to the teachings of the church. I pray every day. I go to mass every Sunday. I don’t drink, I try to stay away from temptations. My girlfriend and I have never had sexual intercourse. We have slept in the same bed when she comes to see me and we have done other sexual acts. She was baptized a Catholic but has not been a regular churchgoer for most of her life. I keep praying that God will get us through this but it seems difficult some days.
Is she cheating on me? Is this considered cheating? I don’t care what happened between them when he came to our town. I can get over something like that. But the fact that she has continued a relationship with him online is disheartening. It is hard being in a long-distance relationship. We are very good when we are together, but I fear that this will come back to haunt us in the future. If anyone has any comments, advice, prayers, they would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
This is my first post here. I am in a very uncomfortable situation. I have been with my fiancee for nearly 7 years. We were engaged in January. Things were fine up until just before we got engaged.
One weekend in early January she was out with some friends from work and a person, G, was out with them. G is from America and was in town to assist my fiancee and her company with inventory (he works for the parent company). While they were out, G came onto my fiancee. The story that I was told was that she was uncomfortable with it and asked him to stop. They exchanged email addresses so that he could write her to apologize. She was very upset the following week (she told me it was because she needed a break after the Christmas rush) and I booked her a flight up to see me, I am away at school. I had been planning to ask her to marry me the next month when I was home to visit but I thought this would be a good time to do it. The night before she was supposed to arrive I checked her email, she was still acting upset. I found messages to and from G. The emails made it seem like something had happened between them when they were out. She also said that she was coming to my town to visit a “friend”, and didn’t mention anything about a boyfriend. I was devastated. I cried, I paced my apartment for hours. But when she got here, I didn’t mention it. I asked her to marry me and she was genuinely happy. So were our families. I asked her what had been bothering her and she said it was because G had come onto her and it had upset her. She said that she’d never hear from him again.
I accepted this but I still had my suspicions, especially since one of the emails said something about her sending him something, and sure enough, there was a receipt from the post office in her purse. She had sent him a shirt, CD, and perfume totaling $50. When I saw her tracking a package on the internet, she had said that it was for a female friend of hers in another town. It was a blatant lie.
Things were fine after she left, but I couldn’t check her email anymore since she had changed her password. This left me a bit suspicious. She had been hoping to visit a town in the USA close to where G lives, to visit another of our friends. One of his emails to her mentioned that he would try to see if he could get to that town if she made it down. I was nervous. I asked her not to go, and I ended up buying her a ticket up to see me for the same weekend.
She came to visit again a month later and when she was getting a shower she had left her email open. There were dozens of messages to and from G. She had told me that he knew about me and about us getting engaged. But there was nothing about me in the emails. The tone of the emails made it seem like she was single. There were also emails of a sexual nature. It seemed apparent that if they were in the same city they would try to get together. I was shaking as I read the emails. I acted normally for the rest of her trip, but once she left I called a friend to explain everything. He told me to confront her about it. I also called my mother, who told me that problems needed to be talked about.
So the day after I left I called her and asked her about it. She didn’t deny that she had been talking to him, but she said it was innocent, he was just asking about our hometown, things like that. I didn’t let on how much I knew. She was angry at me for keeping it in for as long as I did. But she said that she sent him an email saying that she didn’t want him to contact her anymore. I came home a few days later for winter break and things were fine while I was home.
There’s another part to the story. After we got engaged she began sending me picture messages of herself wearing only underwear, sometimes less. She hadn’t done this before, but I didn’t really mind. She said she was sending them for me. I thought it was pretty awesome. But I was looking at another email she has and she has been sending these photos to G as well. She even sent them after our discussion a few weeks ago when she said that she wouldn’t send him any more messages. I was enraged when I saw them yesterday. Obviously I haven’t told my mother about this particular thing. Those were supposed to be private photos. I can’t believe that she has sent them to someone else. I am at my wit’s end. I told my mother last night that I was still having some trust issues. She told me to pray, and to pray for my fiancee. I pray every single day. I know that God will lead me through this but this is a very trying time. My schoolwork has suffered because of this whole ordeal and so has my state of mind. It is extremely difficult. I don’t know what else to do.
I know that she won’t see this individual, maybe ever again. He lives pretty far away from us. And she is living in a new apartment in my Grandmother’s house, so she won’t be able to have people over without someone noticing. But before this I had never had a trust issue with her. This has shattered all that. I am heartbroken. I try to live up to the teachings of the church. I pray every day. I go to mass every Sunday. I don’t drink, I try to stay away from temptations. My girlfriend and I have never had sexual intercourse. We have slept in the same bed when she comes to see me and we have done other sexual acts. She was baptized a Catholic but has not been a regular churchgoer for most of her life. I keep praying that God will get us through this but it seems difficult some days.
Is she cheating on me? Is this considered cheating? I don’t care what happened between them when he came to our town. I can get over something like that. But the fact that she has continued a relationship with him online is disheartening. It is hard being in a long-distance relationship. We are very good when we are together, but I fear that this will come back to haunt us in the future. If anyone has any comments, advice, prayers, they would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
) All that being said–she needs some time to decide if she is ready to be committed to one person. I think you need time to decide if this is truly the right person and relationship for you.