Unity and forgiveness in the Church

[milimac]

I posted this on another site and would like to also request your advice:

How do we work for unity in the Church when some who disagree with Catholic moral teaching still consider themselves good Catholics?
I regularly attend daily Mass at my parish and meet for fellowship and coffee after Mass. During the past election, I was dismayed that about half of those who meet after daily Mass not only planned to vote for candidates who they knew supported abortion, but more importantly felt that abortion should remain legal. Even one of our priests who occasionally joins us for coffee complained that many people who want to make abortion illegal don’t care about what happens to those who give birth in poor conditions or to infants with severe handicaps. Although his statement could have been taken in different ways and doesn’t necessarily mean he agrees that abortion should be legal, one of the abortion supporters piped in: “Yes, there are gray areas”. Our priest offered no clarification.

Exchanging niceties around the coffee table and discussing the weather or the local sports team now seems like a superficial way to pretend we are united. I now only occasionally meet in the back room for coffee. Although I still go to daily Mass, I go less frequently than I used to and no longer find the companionship enjoyable. Part of the reason I don’t go as often as I used to is because I am trying to find a balance where I can also exercise a few times during the week. But part of the reason is also that I want them to know that their beliefs, words, and actions have been damaging. I pray for them and in my heart I am still able to love them, although in a much more sorrowful way. I am also willing to forgive and am open to the possibility that some have asked for forgiveness in the sacrament of reconciliation, but strong statements made in the past make me believe that genuine sorrow is not a high probability. How can I forgive them if I don’t even know if they’re sorry? Is there any point in forgiving them in my heart if I don’t know if they’re even sorry?

I am confused as to whether I am behaving rightly or if I have been wrong in withdrawing. What is the proper way to be charitable? I feel like I am betraying the many unborn who have died and continue to die by acting as if this serious difference has had no effect on our fellowship, yet there are only so many times I can bring up the issue and beat my head against a brick wall. I am saddened and frustrated and feel like it’s time to shake the dust from my sandals in protest against them, although I’m not even sure the right way to do that. I don’t know how to act towards these Catholics who have openly expressed extremely anti-Catholic beliefs.

 

[chicago]

Patience!

 

[Teresa9]

milimac:

I posted this on another site and would like to also request your advice:

How do we work for unity in the Church when some who disagree with Catholic moral teaching still consider themselves good Catholics?
I regularly attend daily Mass at my parish and meet for fellowship and coffee after Mass. During the past election, I was dismayed that about half of those who meet after daily Mass not only planned to vote for candidates who they knew supported abortion, but more importantly felt that abortion should remain legal. Even one of our priests who occasionally joins us for coffee complained that many people who want to make abortion illegal don’t care about what happens to those who give birth in poor conditions or to infants with severe handicaps. Although his statement could have been taken in different ways and doesn’t necessarily mean he agrees that abortion should be legal, one of the abortion supporters piped in: “Yes, there are gray areas”. Our priest offered no clarification.

Exchanging niceties around the coffee table and discussing the weather or the local sports team now seems like a superficial way to pretend we are united. I now only occasionally meet in the back room for coffee. Although I still go to daily Mass, I go less frequently than I used to and no longer find the companionship enjoyable. Part of the reason I don’t go as often as I used to is because I am trying to find a balance where I can also exercise a few times during the week. But part of the reason is also that I want them to know that their beliefs, words, and actions have been damaging. I pray for them and in my heart I am still able to love them, although in a much more sorrowful way. I am also willing to forgive and am open to the possibility that some have asked for forgiveness in the sacrament of reconciliation, but strong statements made in the past make me believe that genuine sorrow is not a high probability. How can I forgive them if I don’t even know if they’re sorry? Is there any point in forgiving them in my heart if I don’t know if they’re even sorry?

I am confused as to whether I am behaving rightly or if I have been wrong in withdrawing. What is the proper way to be charitable? I feel like I am betraying the many unborn who have died and continue to die by acting as if this serious difference has had no effect on our fellowship, yet there are only so many times I can bring up the issue and beat my head against a brick wall. I am saddened and frustrated and feel like it’s time to shake the dust from my sandals in protest against them, although I’m not even sure the right way to do that. I don’t know how to act towards these Catholics who have openly expressed extremely anti-Catholic beliefs.

Dear friend

Love them as you are doing. Keep talking to them about this and show them the love and kindness of Christ so that your words will also be seen in your life, by your love and your actions.

But why are you letting them affect your relationship with Jesus? Why are you stopping going to Mass? If you love God as much as you sound like you do nothing nor no-one will part you from Him. No Priest, no person, no angel, no power, nothing can seperate you from God unless you allow them to.

Maybe this is not only a test of their faith, but also a test of yours.

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa

 

[milimac]

Teresa9:

Dear friend

Love them as you are doing. Keep talking to them about this and show them the love and kindness of Christ so that your words will also be seen in your life, by your love and your actions.

But why are you letting them affect your relationship with Jesus? Why are you stopping going to Mass? If you love God as much as you sound like you do nothing nor no-one will part you from Him. No Priest, no person, no angel, no power, nothing can seperate you from God unless you allow them to.

Maybe this is not only a test of their faith, but also a test of yours.

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa

Thanks Teresa,

I agree that it is a test of faith and I welcome it with the hope that it will eventually make it stronger. While it is true part of my reason for not attending daily Mass as often as I used to might be somewhat spiteful, I honestly believe it isn’t the main reason. But you’ve delved into another topic…

After looking at our Christmas card pictures and having a couple relatives go through bariatric surgery, my issue now is finding the right balance. Obviously in my state in life (a husband and a father) I can’t be spending every non-working, non-sleeping hour in Eucharistic Adoration or Mass. I think that would be irresponsible. If I were doing so and prayerfully considered cutting back on these activities, I don’t think it is necessarily a sign of a damaged relationship with Jesus. Exercise and staying healthy is important in order to have energy to do things with my family now and in the future and perhaps some day with grandchildren as well. Unfortunately I have not found a routine I am able to consistently commit to without cutting out 2 or 3 daily Masses during the week.

Is this a step in the wrong direction? My wife (non-Catholic) would probably say it is not enough and I should cut out a few more activities to spend with her and the children. I have devoted and continue to devote a lot of prayer time to that question – specifically because I want to make sure I’m doing it for the right reasons and not out of laziness or spite. I am satisfied for now that the decision I have come to is the right one and based on good motives. Should my schedule change so that I can once again attend daily Mass without neglecting my other duties, I will eagerly look forward to it. Knowing, loving, and serving God will take an eternity and I pray that He will give me an eternity to do so.

God bless you and thanks for your advice and concern.

 

[Teresa9]

Dear friend

Thank you for your words of kindness. From what you say in your latest post it seems you have two events that have co-incideded. In the light of this I can see more clearly your dilemma.

I think you are right to concentrate more on your family and their needs and your own. If you or a family member becomes ill you will indeed be unable to go to Mass any day. This decision you have made to balance Mass with your health requirements and that of your families is a wise one and I think you are concerned you may just be doing it because of recent events at your church.

All of life is prayer and if you are needed by your family, then Jesus ordains it you remain with them and in remaining with them, you are loving Him. I would love to attend daily Mass and sometimes I do get, but others my families needs just do not allow it. I don’t worry about this nor resent it, because on these days Jesus desires I stay with them and He understands perfectly what is required of me in my home and to let them down to go to Mass would be of no benefit to myself nor to my family. Jesus is always with me and He knows my desire to attend Mass but knows that I am loving Him by serving my family.

‘Whatever you did for the least of these you did it for Me’

I think that your mustn’t compartmentalise your spiritual life. Your spiritual life is as much a part of your family life as it is when you are attending Mass or any other Sacrament. Work is prayer, Marriage is prayer, Fatherhood is prayer, Friendship is prayer, Suffering is prayer etc etc etc

Perhaps the Lord is calling you to bring into all parts and people of your life His love and His peace by spending your time with others and showing them the love and kindness of Christ and the flame that burns in your heart that causes you to desire Christ in the Eucharist daily. To share your Eucharistic joy with them in daily family life, not necessarily by preaching but just by your loving supporting presence with them and your life as a beautiful example of the Lord.

I will keep you and all of your family in my prayers.

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa

 

[Augustine]

milimac:

How do we work for unity in the Church when some who disagree with Catholic moral teaching still consider themselves good Catholics?

I think that in such circumstances the best thing to do is to express your disagreement and that their opinion is against the Magisterium. Sadly, your pastor’s position is indefencible too, which makes things worse.

Then again, expressing your opinion with charity and patience and gauging the impact it may have in others, in particular with in your pastor, would enable you to make a better decision with regards to leaving that group or parish altogether, or not.

At least, in my experience, in such situations, what I regreted most was my silence.

God bless you.

 

[RSiscoe]

milimac:

I regularly attend daily Mass at my parish and meet for fellowship and coffee after Mass. During the past election, I was dismayed that about half of those who meet after daily Mass not only planned to vote for candidates who they knew supported abortion, but more importantly felt that abortion should remain legal. Even one of our priests who occasionally joins us for coffee complained that many people who want to make abortion illegal don’t care about what happens to those who give birth in poor conditions or to infants with severe handicaps. Although his statement could have been taken in different ways and doesn’t necessarily mean he agrees that abortion should be legal, one of the abortion supporters piped in: “Yes, there are gray areas”. Our priest offered no clarification.

Exchanging niceties around the coffee table and discussing the weather or the local sports team now seems like a superficial way to pretend we are united. I now only occasionally meet in the back room for coffee. Although I still go to daily Mass, I go less frequently than I used to and no longer find the companionship enjoyable. Part of the reason I don’t go as often as I used to is because I am trying to find a balance where I can also exercise a few times during the week. But part of the reason is also that I want them to know that their beliefs, words, and actions have been damaging. I pray for them and in my heart I am still able to love them, although in a much more sorrowful way. I am also willing to forgive and am open to the possibility that some have asked for forgiveness in the sacrament of reconciliation, but strong statements made in the past make me believe that genuine sorrow is not a high probability. How can I forgive them if I don’t even know if they’re sorry? Is there any point in forgiving them in my heart if I don’t know if they’re even sorry?

I am confused as to whether I am behaving rightly or if I have been wrong in withdrawing. What is the proper way to be charitable? I feel like I am betraying the many unborn who have died and continue to die by acting as if this serious difference has had no effect on our fellowship, yet there are only so many times I can bring up the issue and beat my head against a brick wall. I am saddened and frustrated and feel like it’s time to shake the dust from my sandals in protest against them, although I’m not even sure the right way to do that. I don’t know how to act towards these Catholics who have openly expressed extremely anti-Catholic beliefs.

True charity can never be separated from the truth, as charity (the Holy Ghost) and Truth (Jesus) are united to one another. It is a temptation for us to compromise truth for the sake of “charity”. This is actually false charity, since what we are doing is giving in to human respect and calling it charity. Through our lack of courage to stand up for the truth, we give in to human respect and think we are being “charitable”. Jesus was not charitable in that way. He was willing to speak the truth even when it was not popular.

How should you view these Catholics? Without knowing the circumstances, you should probably view them as completely sincere. They simply do not know the truth. If you approach them that way, it will help you keep from becoming to frustrated with thier errors. We need to understand that we live in a day when even many of our Priests do not speak the truth, which leads to many laymen being ignorant of the truth. Their views are formed by the secular media which they are saturated with, instead of Catholic truth which they rarely hear.

Directly confronting these people - who are probably completely sincere - is usually not the best way to handle it. Try giving them something good to read. That way they can think things over by themselves and not feel the need to have to defend their beliefs to you (which will only harden them).

Regarding the priest: It he was truly against abortion he would not have brought up the issue of people giving birth in “poor conditions” (such as Jesus was born in, by the way). His comment clearly his thoughts on the matter. He considers being born poor worse than abortion. This is a total distortion. Again, Jesus Himself was born poor. Would he have been in favor of having Jesus aborted to avoid this “evil”?

I would never go to a Church with a priest like that. If he is so easily deceived on that issue, what about others? Just as he can mislead Catholics who are ignorant of the churches teaching on abortion, so too can he mislead you on a doctrinal matter that you may not be real familiar with. The laity often reflect the beliefs of their priest, whether right or wrong. That’s why our Lord warned us to beware of the wolves in sheep’s clothing.

 

[milimac]

RSiscoe:

Regarding the priest: It he was truly against abortion he would not have brought up the issue of people giving birth in “poor conditions” (such as Jesus was born in, by the way). His comment clearly his thoughts on the matter. He considers being born poor worse than abortion. This is a total distortion. Again, Jesus Himself was born poor. Would he have been in favor of having Jesus aborted to avoid this “evil”?

I would never go to a Church with a priest like that. If he is so easily deceived on that issue, what about others? Just as he can mislead Catholics who are ignorant of the churches teaching on abortion, so too can he mislead you on a doctrinal matter that you may not be real familiar with. The laity often reflect the beliefs of their priest, whether right or wrong. That’s why our Lord warned us to beware of the wolves in sheep’s clothing.

That priest saying what he did and not clarifying was the sharpest dagger in my heart. Yet I still give him the benefit of the doubt. He is from a much poorer country and had just returned from a long vacation to his country in the midst of our election season. English is not his native language and he has since prayed during Mass on a few occasions for the unborn and an end to abortion. I am thinking (hoping) that since he was from another country and English is not his native language perhaps he didn’t understand the phrase by the pro-choice parishioner: “there are gray areas”. I still have my doubts as to whether there really was any confusion, but until I’m more sure, I feel like I need to give him the benefit of that doubt.