T
Tracyms1974
Guest
Hello, Everybody.
Tracy
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I hated to start a new thread, but I wanted to make sure this was seen - especially by all those who helped me before. How often do you get the opportunity to see firsthand the fruit of your labor in prayer, right?
I can't say that I have good news. Quite the contrary, things just got worse for me last night. I slept for about four hours and I'm now 8 months pregnant. I should have NO trouble sleeping, at least, when I get to sleep, anyway - blah, blah, blah - here's the dirt:
I was reading a Catholic magazine last night and I heard my husband's phone ring. Out of courtesy, I got up to check and see who it was; if it was family I would have answered it, see? It wasn't. It was that same girl he was talking to from Wisconsin. Just when I think they don't talk anymore, she calls. I go to the door and go outside on the porch where my husband and daughter are playing. I said to him, tears in my eyes, "You know, I've always thought that physical affairs are worse than emotional affairs, but I'm telling you - this one is keeping you away from me. Period. I guess as long as you are happy, that's all that matters, right?" We talked some more, he called her back, I jumped in the shower.
Turns out that she was calling to break up with him after two years of emotionally massaging him or whatever they had. At this point I still did not know the whole story, so I thought maybe this might be good news. We continue with the rest of our night. he says he has to call her again for some reason. I said I wanted to talk when he was finished. He finished, came downstairs to my room and I told him, "Look, in my imperfect way of thinking I am willing to forgive you because I am guilty of this sin myself, so I feel like I've got "nothing to say" about it." Come to find out, his relationship with this woman was also physical. I fished it out of him. He had been with her on three different occasions, and since the homewrecker lives over 1000 miles away, they had to go to some serious trouble to see each other. (Oh, excuse me - bang each other.) Two of these three times I was on vacation with my daughter and she came to the house. "Oh, so that's why you never want to come with us to see my family."
He says that he fell in love with her - more so than with me. I fell in love with my "man" too, but he says what they got is better than what I've got with my (possible) baby's daddy. BOY I'm glad I am choosing adoption for this child; there is no doubt God saw this coming and put that idea in my head. I said, "Maybe you're right - maybe y'all do love each other more, but it doesn't make any of this right, and I think the Devil is deceiving you." He doesn't agree, of course. I said, "I understand that there will be a grieving process for you, but unless you realize this relationship is wrong then you won't make any progress in your grieving."
This is the point of this entire post: I said that my husband prayed the rosary every day. God in His mercy has given me an answer as to why it has not been working for him. I think that God gave my husband and answer as to what to do (and if not God, His Church! 6th Commandnent?) and my husband just did not want to listen. He could not accept that not being with his shiny new girlfriend (who is recently divorced with kids, BTW) was not part of God's Divine plan. I have been praying the Divine Mercy chaplet maybe every other day as suggested by you fine folks here. Perhaps since I have been making a point of praying for the dying using the Chaplet, God decided to help me out. Knowing the truth is not always pleasant, but it can give you a direction to go that you did not have before. Part of me wants to be vindictive and say, "SEE! He's just as bad as I am!" and a (smaller) part of me wants to use what I have learned in my struggle back to chastity to help him. Still can't divorce him; we don't have the money. And while I write this I feel all warm and fuzzy inside because I have the hope that you, my friends on this forum will be sympathetic and offer words of love and encouragement. But when I get off of here, there will be checks to write and laundry to do and I will feel more trapped than an animal in a zoo. Yes, the day-to-day stuff will be hard for a while. So if you feel like praying for me, you can start there.
I guess I'm finished. I am filled with gratitude for your patience reading this. I guess if things don't get better for us, then I still have a responsibility to make things better for myself and my daughter, and for goodness sake, bring her up in the Faith in order to deal with God-awful times like this. Thank you also for your prayers. Combined with mine, I'm sure they worked to at least reveal the truth as God wants me to see it.