UR study examines newlyweds

[contemplative]

UR study examines newlyweds

Goal is to learn why some find bliss while others fight battles

Lauren Stanforth
Staff writer

(December 26, 2005) — For some newlyweds, every day brings a new understanding of their partners, a chance to learn and grow, nurture each other, pursue goals together.

For others, it’s World War III if the cap is left off the toothpaste. A new University of Rochester study hopes to explain why new marriage is so blissful for some and such a battle for others

“It boils down to what you learned in kindergarten: You need to be nice to each other,”

Read more

…must be my DH and I knew how to be nice in kindergarten…

 

[StephanieC]

From the article:

Rogge said too many married people act like singles, thinking only about what they want and need instead of being considerate of their partners.

“America has been drifting toward a culture of entitlement, ‘What can you give me? What can you do for me?’” Rogge said. “Good relationships, even the best relationships, take work, take selflessness.”

Contrast that with this excerpt from Humanae Vitae:

Married Love

1. In the light of these facts the characteristic features and exigencies of married love are clearly indicated, and it is of the highest importance to evaluate them exactly.

This love is above all fully human, a compound of sense and spirit. It is not, then, merely a question of natural instinct or emotional drive. It is also, and above all, an act of the free will, whose trust is such that it is meant not only to survive the joys and sorrows of daily life, but also to grow, so that husband and wife become in a way one heart and one soul, and together attain their human fulfillment.

It is a love which is total—that very special form of personal friendship in which husband and wife generously share everything, allowing no unreasonable exceptions and not thinking solely of their own convenience. Whoever really loves his partner loves not only for what he receives, but loves that partner for the partner’s own sake, content to be able to enrich the other with the gift of himself.

Married love is also faithful and exclusive of all other, and this until death. This is how husband and wife understood it on the day on which, fully aware of what they were doing, they freely vowed themselves to one another in marriage. Though this fidelity of husband and wife sometimes presents difficulties, no one has the right to assert that it is impossible; it is, on the contrary, always honorable and meritorious. The example of countless married couples proves not only that fidelity is in accord with the nature of marriage, but also that it is the source of profound and enduring happiness.

I’ll choose the latter any day!

 

[puzzleannie]

just listen to pop love songs, over and over the message is “you have something I need and want, that is why I love you” -

“this relationship is all about me, my needs, my desires, my pleasure, you are just a thing to me, one of any number of people who can cater to my desires”

“you aren’t meeting my needs so its over, baby”

“I feel, I want, I desire, I react, I I I”

 

[SeekerJen]

This rings true. Early on, DH and I decided that we weren’t going to be one of those couples who “solves” everything with a screaming match, who treats each other with disrespect or contempt, or who insults each other to our faces or to friends (DH especially has friends who do this behind their wives’ backs). Two-and-a-half years later, it hasn’t always been easy, but most of it has been happy, and neither of us has any regrets.

We’re a team, we’re in this for the long haul. Why would we want to risk that with an “every man for himself” mentality?