URGENT Bible verses help

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Maryam

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Hi all,
Since I am short for time… I am asking for your help in finding verses in the bible in order to help a young friend of mine that is in a very tough situation.

She is a Christian, but, the culture of her family’s country still believes in arranged “engagements” between “cousins”. This person does not want to be forced to marry her cousin and has asked me to help find bible verses showing how this is wrong in the hope that her family will change their minds.

The girl is only** 17**, so still a minor in the eyes of the law and is terrified of being sent off to her parents native country to be married.

I won’t mention which denomination the girls family is in order not to offend anyone, but, will only say that her family comes from Africa.

Are there any verses she can use to show her parents that they are wrong to do this? Any verses on marriages that are not lawful in God’s eyes or anything speaking against forced engagements in the bible? or about marriages between cousins?

I don’t know what other kinds of verses to ask for… perhaps some of you can point some out.

Well, I don’t know what else to say… I am praying hard for this young woman. I cannot imagine being forced to marry a cousin I hardly even know.

Thanks to anyone who can help me out and please pray for this young woman.

God bless all
 
I honestly can’t think of any scripture that would fulfill what you’re requiring. There are, however, plenty of scriptures to back up the practices of marrying someone from your own clan and of letting your parents choose your spouse.
Is this a first cousin? There are several legitimate medical arguments against marrying a first cousin. There might also be a law against it buried somewhere in Leviticus, but I’m not sure.
Is this man not a Christian? Then, we can point to 2 Corinthians 6:14.
If neither is the case, then the only scripture I can think of that might help is Ephesians 6:4, which says, “Fathers, don’t exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Of course, this comes right after the well-known commandment to children to obey their parents. Your friend would probably still fall under the heading of “children,” and she should obey her parents, even though it doesn’t make sense to our culture.
 
Try Leviticus 18, although it doesn’t seem to explicitly extend “close relatives” to first cousins. I certainly doubt it would extend to second or third cousins, etc.
 
First of all, I have put this young woman on my prayer list. I do not know if you have posted in the prayer requests thread in Spirituality or not, but there are a lot of us who subscribe to it, so it would be a good idea.
Kristina is doing a good job with the scripture, I want to think about some other things:
Is your friend a citizen? If she is, she can probably not be forced to leave. If not, it would still be a good idea to talk to somebody in the leagal profession.(Most lawyers will take clients with no cost ina case like this.)
Kristina’s point about not marrying an unbeliever is a good one. This is clear in the scriptures she has given you.
I don’t know if these people are Catholics or not. I know that the Catholic Church would most likely not consider this to be a valid marriage, because marriage requires consent, & she is being coerced. (There are other churches w/similar rules, but this being a Catholic forum, & I happen to know about this from some other threads, also reading…). Anyhow, this is something to be considered.
Please know that we at CAF will be praying. I do urge you to post this request in Spirituality though…Also any place on these boards that gets a lot of traffic…Family Life, or even the Water Cooler.
God bless.
 
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Maryam:
Hi all,
Since I am short for time… I am asking for your help in finding verses in the bible in order to help a young friend of mine that is in a very tough situation.

She is a Christian, but, the culture of her family’s country still believes in arranged “engagements” between “cousins”. This person does not want to be forced to marry her cousin and has asked me to help find bible verses showing how this is wrong in the hope that her family will change their minds.

The girl is only** 17**, so still a minor in the eyes of the law and is terrified of being sent off to her parents native country to be married.

I won’t mention which denomination the girls family is in order not to offend anyone, but, will only say that her family comes from Africa.

Are there any verses she can use to show her parents that they are wrong to do this? Any verses on marriages that are not lawful in God’s eyes or anything speaking against forced engagements in the bible? or about marriages between cousins?

I don’t know what other kinds of verses to ask for… perhaps some of you can point some out.

Well, I don’t know what else to say… I am praying hard for this young woman. I cannot imagine being forced to marry a cousin I hardly even know.

Thanks to anyone who can help me out and please pray for this young woman.

God bless all
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Is your friend, by chance, Egyptian? Coptic? This is (or was) not uncommon among Copts.

You might check the civil code. Marriage of first cousins (you don’t say whether this is a first cousin) may well be illegal.
 
** Kristina ** Thanks for the Leviticus chapter, which I don’t see refering to cousins, but, is a start.

The cousin they want her to marry is also Christian. Her family’s culture is fiercely against marriages between a believer and non-believer. Anyone, who does this risks being considered dead and disowned by the family.

I appreciate your hard efforts at trying to locate verses for me.

Thanks so much

===========

** Zooey **…she is indeed a citizen (born here).

The family is not Catholic and it would be real hard to prove that her family wants to do such a thing since it would be the daughters word against the family, should she hire a lawyer on her own.

I seriously doubt anyone in the family would admit to this. I thank you for your prayers and suggestion to put this in prayer intentions thread.

God bless

==============

** mercygate ** Well, I didn’t want to post it, because many Copts in America feel alittle uncomfortable when this subject is brought up and I don’t want to offend anyone… but, yes, the family are Coptic.

The girl has told me that according to Coptic customs in the South the family would choose a cousin from the father’s side of the family. So the cousin in question is from her Father’s side of the family, but, I don’t know if he is a first cousin or not.

God bless
 
Maryam said:
**mercygate **Well, I didn’t want to post it, because many Copts in America feel alittle uncomfortable when this subject is brought up and I don’t want to offend anyone… but, yes, the family are Coptic.

The girl has told me that according to Coptic customs in the South the family would choose a cousin from the father’s side of the family. So the cousin in question is from her Father’s side of the family, but, I don’t know if he is a first cousin or not.

God bless
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So the issue is more that she doesn’t want to marry the person chosen for her by her family. I would still find out if it’s legal in her State. Not that they couldn’t find ways around it, like having the wedding in Egypt.

The family is admirable for being so strong in their convictions – but then, the Copts have lots of practice because of their “situation” in Egypt. Very dire. What does the family Priest say? Probably: “Be a good girl and marry the man your parents choose for you.”

Can a person be forced? Even in that tradition?
 
I think she should see an attorney to get some advice. If there is something in the Bible about it, it’s almost irrelevent anyway. This does not seem to be a rational discussion, anyway. In the Catholic Church, any marriage performed under duress would most likely be ruled invalid. Check with the local canon law expert, too.
 
** mercygate ** I think maybe you misunderstood some of what I wrote. The cousin they want to marry her off to in question is not living in the United States… He is in Egypt and if they make her go to Egypt she will have no choice, but, to marry him.

This is not about whether it is legal in the United States… once they have her in Egypt they can do as they please.

I don’t think that this family forcing the girl to marry a person they chose for her to marry… her cousin… is in the scope of a " family choosing someone for her to marry " and then later she can get to know him and if she doesn’t like him later refuse to not marry him. She has no choice in the matter.

Her family is ultra-conservative and srict… Even other Copts that know the family think they are too strict.

She only knows this cousin by phone and has never physically met him. Because she knows well about Coptic culture in Egypt… She does not want to marry someone from Southern Egypt, she would much prefer to marry a Copt who like her is more Americanized.

** BayCityRickL ** Sure its not a rational discussion, but, the girl asked me for help in finding bible verses to help her in this situation and I cannot say no…

Even if this girl was able to get a lawyer it is her word against her family.

I wish I was an expert in Coptic canon laws.

Thanks for the responses.

God bless all
 
I thought canon law prohibited the forcing of one or both parties to marry.

There’s also the canon law prohibiting the marriage of close relatives. I think you have to be at least fourth counsins in order to marry.
 
Maryam said:
** mercygate **I think maybe you misunderstood some of what I wrote. The cousin they want to marry her off to in question is not living in the United States… He is in Egypt and if they make her go to Egypt she will have no choice, but, to marry him.

This is not about whether it is legal in the United States… once they have her in Egypt they can do as they please.

I don’t think that this family forcing the girl to marry a person they chose for her to marry… her cousin… is in the scope of a " family choosing someone for her to marry " and then later she can get to know him and if she doesn’t like him later refuse to not marry him. She has no choice in the matter.

Her family is ultra-conservative and srict… Even other Copts that know the family think they are too strict.

She only knows this cousin by phone and has never physically met him. Because she knows well about Coptic culture in Egypt… She does not want to marry someone from Southern Egypt, she would much prefer to marry a Copt who like her is more Americanized.
Click to expand...

She should RUN to her priest and beg for his intervention: get the priest to talk to the young man: he might not think it’s such a great idea either!

I know a lot of people from India and China who have perfectly successful arranged marriages, but it was with their consent and they had some choice about the partner. If you’re into that culture, it works. This is different. Do her parents know how much she does not want to marry this guy? Do they think she’s too headstrong and American so they want to ship her back to the old country?
 
First off, I’m sorry to hear about your friend and congradulate you for your concern of her being. Unfortunately since her parents come from this culture, it would be very difficult to convince them even if you present versus from the bible. The best solution I could offer is for you to pray for her, I will pray for her as well.
 
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