Easily reject him?? Where are you getting that idea? This girl poured her heart out in a letter that she claims was as tender and loving as possible!
If he feels rejected it’s one, because of his ego and 2, because he is obstinate and does not WANT to understand her reasons, her concerns and her intentions. Or,like I said, he does not feel rejected, but rather scared!
This is definitely not a " hi honey, I just turned Catholic so we will not be sleeping together anymore". It has been a journey for the OP, one that her fiance was well aware of.
First, thank you all for your responses to my dilemma. I appreciate them very much, and even though we may not agree 100% with eachother, the fact that so many of you have taken the time to respond is a testament to your charity and love.
I wanted to quote a lot of people, but for the sake of brevity chose the above, because it encapsulates a few things that I think are important.
Yes, he is obstinate. And after having a few days to digest what’s been going on, I do think that his reaction stems from fear. Fear of finding out I’m right, fear of the truth, fear of how he will handle the truth - either run from it, or face it and conform his life to it. Probing your fear is the hardest part of conversion, and only grace will help him through it - if he desires to accept it.
I have fears of my own, and putting pen to paper was a huge act of faith in the face of these fears. I knew that I had to write the letter, because as I was explaining my situation in Confession, my confessor heard the word “write” and cut me off to tell me so. (He wasn’t my usual confessor, so, being unfamiliar with my case, I had to fill him in on my background.) So after much reflection and prayer to the Holy Spirit for guidance, I did it. I may have failed, but at least I know I did what the Lord wanted me to do. That doesn’t mean I’m not afraid anymore - I am - but I also know that this fear is a side-effect of pride; that deep down I think I know what’s best for me, when only God does.
The above poster is also correct in that my change didn’t come out of nowhere. My journey back to the faith had been obvious, and it stretched over the course of a few years. I certainly never did anything to hide it from my fiance’. He’s known from the beginning that I’m a cradle Catholic, and he even attended my Confirmation ceremony last year. I think he just didn’t bother to connect the dots. I’m not saying he was deliberately being careless, just that he assumed it would never alter our relationship. Is that selfish of him? Yes. But having never been given any sort of faith formation in his life, there were/are a lot of things about Christianity (let alone the Church) that just never occurred to him. There were a lot of things that never occurred to me, either, until I picked up the Catechism. But now that he knows where I stand, we’re at a crossroads. He’s being offered an opportunity to learn about my faith and therefore understand where I’m coming from. And I feel as if our future together hinges upon his “Yes” or his “No.”
Additionally, he’d had a few months to chew on the idea of being celibate before marriage, so I didn’t just drop it on him, because I knew that approach would have been wretchedly unfair. When I first brought the topic up, I immediately faced despair, hostility, incredulity. I tried as gently as I could to get him to agree that all Christians (he says that he is one) hold fast to the same belief in “no sex before marriage.” His response was, “Well, times have changed.” My heart sank, but I attempted to explain the fact that Christ never changes, will never change, despite what our society would have us believe. “I don’t want this,” is what I received in reply. And so around and around we went.
Does his reaction to my letter give me cause to question his character? Yes. Does it make me wonder whether we are meant to be together? Yes. Do I regret the mistake of setting a poor example for him by cohabitating with him? Yes.
It’s been a difficult journey. Extricating myself from the cynicism that had been wrapped around my heart for so long wasn’t easy. Realizing how much I’d conformed myself to the world was devastating. The process of examining my conscience felt nearly impossible. All of this, through the grace of God, has been wiped away. Now, my fiance’ is standing at the edge of the same abyss… May God grant us both the patience to see this through. Whatever the outcome. Fear or no fear. Heartbreak or no.
Thank you all for your continued support, advice and prayers. From the bottom of my heart. God bless you all.
