"use words if necessary"

[juggernaut]

I had some non-Catholic friends who asked questions on things like premarital sex, priest abuse etc. I tried explaining the Church’s position on the issues. It got to the point where they attacked the priesthood and said all priests were pedophiles, that celibacy made them all repressed etc. Of course I got defensive and pointed out that the problem is much worse in public schools and is also endemic in Protestant congregations / Jewish synagogues etc.

I probably lost them as friends and they hate me now. I could have stayed silent and not have gotten defensive over the issue. St. Francis said something like “preach the gospel at all times, use words if necessary.” Did I do the right thing? Was I being pharisaic and have a holier-than-thou attitude? Maybe it would have been better if I stayed silent and just joked about it, and not make such an issue of the whole thing.

 

[sweetashoney]

It’s hard not to become defensive in such a situation. We probably don’t phrase things in the best turn of words or use a sharper than intended tone of voice than we wish we would have. It sounds like your friends don’t share your scruples, though. It’s hard to say if their attitude was in response to your defensiveness or if your defensiveness was in response to their offensiveness. Most likely it just slowly spiraled into the situation you ended up with. I’ve gotten to where I try to change the subject at the first tone of “darkness”. It doesn’t do anyone any good past that point. They will probably just pretend it didn’t happen the next time they see you, and that may be for the best. Don’t be afraid to defend your church when the situation calls for it, but try to do it cheerfully–no matter what. If you find yourself losing your humor, end the conversation and wait for the next opportunity to share what you know.

Just so you don’t feel alone: My boss recently came up to me at work excited that his church mission trip (Baptist) had converted 600 people in Peru. When I found out their targets were Catholics, I pointed out that I was Catholic. Once the inititial “oops” :doh2: on his part passed, he then tried to compare me to the Devil. I like my boss, and I know his intentions weren’t malevelant, but it was incredibly awkward. Looking back I can think of so many better things to have said than what I did, but maybe it can provide an opening later on down the road to dispell a few more myths about our religion.

 

[quiet52]

I had some non-Catholic friends who asked questions on things like premarital sex, priest abuse etc. I tried explaining the Church’s position on the issues. It got to the point where they attacked the priesthood and said all priests were pedophiles, that celibacy made them all repressed etc. Of course I got defensive and pointed out that the problem is much worse in public schools and is also endemic in Protestant congregations / Jewish synagogues etc.

I probably lost them as friends and they hate me now. I could have stayed silent and not have gotten defensive over the issue. St. Francis said something like “preach the gospel at all times, use words if necessary.” Did I do the right thing? Was I being pharisaic and have a holier-than-thou attitude? Maybe it would have been better if I stayed silent and just joked about it, and not make such an issue of the whole thing.

St. Francis said something like “preach the gospel at all times, use words if necessary.”

St. Francis has been misquoted.
And too often, Catholics use this misquote as an excuse NOT to speak about the faith. No, silence is NOT recommended. We must both proclaim the faith, with our words, and witness to the faith, with our actions.
St. Francis regularly preached or proclaimed the gospel with words.

“Where did St. Francis say that?”
americancatholic.org/messenger/Oct2001/Wiseman.asp

“…I would suggest that the presence of all five aspects of Mission is always necessary for authentic Evangelization. When we forget this organic unity we distort Evangelization and we place its authenticity at risk. It is not the case that some missionaries are called to witness while others are called to proclaim. Nor is it acceptable that at one moment Mission be characterized only as Proclamation or Dialogue, and later only as Liturgy or Human Liberation. Rather, authentic Proclamation is always rooted in a living Witness; it is carried out in a spirit of Dialogue; it leads to Human Liberation and it is in fact, conducive to contemplative and prayerful action. When we isolate any one of the aspects of Evangelization from the others, even if this separation is temporary and motivated by a desire to deepen our understanding, we chance confusing authentic Evangelization with something that does not quite hit the mark…”

“…authentic Proclamation will always be dialogical. And I quote: “Before all else, dialogue is a manner of acting, an attitude; a spirit which guides one’s conduct. It implies concern, respect and hospitality toward the other. It leaves room for the other person’s identity, modes of expression and values. Dialogue is thus the norm and necessary manner of every form of Christian mission as well as every aspect of it whether one speaks of simple presence and witness, service or direct proclamation” (Reflections and Orientations on Dialogue and Mission, n. 836).”

excerpts from commentary: sedos.org/english/Raymond.htm

“It is necessary to use words” (blog commentary):
ericsammons.com/blog/2010/04/19/it-is-necessary-to-use-words/

Redemptoris Missio (Pope John Paul II, encyclical 12/07/1990)
vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/encyclicals/documents/hf_jp-ii_enc_07121990_redemptoris-missio_en.html

 

[DebChris]

This does not sound like a “use words if necessary” situation.
We preach Christ by the life that we live. “Actions speak louder than words.”
In a work situation, when the scandals first broke, I stood up and walked away when workmates started telling inappropriate jokes. They already knew my faith denomination. This action on my part led to an apology from one of my fellow workers who approached me later.
“Strife is a luxury that Christians cannot afford.” Yes, it is easy to become defensive and therefore react to comments rather than respond. The scandals hurt everybody, including innocent priests who depend on God’s grace to live celebrate lives.
Perhaps one way to address this situation is to remind our fellow Christians, regardless of denomination, that each of us depends on God’s grace. It is God’s redemptive grace that heals and redeems us.

 

[ZDHayden]

I’ve learned to consider St Francis’ quote to mean to serve: to LIVE the Gospel, not to let you and your faith be a welcome mat for the world and its products. Defend the faith, you were right in this. Attacking a religion based upon its members is wrong, regardless of the religion and who does it. If someone must resort to pointing out its flawed members because they can’t find any other crack, I think that speaks volumes.