Using nfp in your 40's and beyond

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Joya

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*I would like to hear about the experiences of those who use nfp who are age 40 and beyond. I’ve read that as a woman approaches menopause her cycles become more erratic and as a result it becomes more difficult to determine periods of fertility and infertility.

I think nfp is a beautiful method and my husband and I have used it (I am currently in ammenorhea as I am breastfeeding), but I wonder if this method is practical for a woman’s entire reproductive life. I am 33, have two children, am still open to having more, but feel increasingly apprehensive about what nfp will be like in seven or so years. Due to repeat c-sections, I don’t think I’ll have more than three or four and therefore my family will be complete by my mid to late thirties.

So many of the regular posters on this forum express their enthusiasm and support for the Church’s teaching on nfp and its opposition to contraception and most of the time I think that’s great. But as I look at the profiles of many of these women, I see that they are still very young and have a long way to go until they reach the perimenopausal/menopausal years. Many of them have just begun their families. I wonder if their contentment with nfp will wane as they get older, stop having babies, and find their cycles hard to manage?

A while ago I read a question in the Ask an Apologist section that pertained to my question. A man explained that he and his wife had five children and wanted no more, were now in their early
40’s (age 42, I recall) and were having trouble determining periods of infertility due to his wife’s changing cycles. He asked Fr. Vincent if it would be permissable if they abstained from marital relations until his wife reached menopause. Fr. Serpa gave them his blessing to do so.

While I respect this couple’s decision to abstain for what seems like a long time (I mean, it could be years before his wife completely stops cycling, right?), I realize that this decision is not right for every married Catholic couple. I know it wouldn’t be for my husband and myself.

So, I would like to hear about the experiences of those on this board who are around age 40 and beyond and what you have done in the family planning department as I personally know no one who uses nfp in this age group. How has your experience with nfp changed as you have aged? Is nfp more of a chore?

If you have decided to use contraception, please feel free to say so and why. I am not here to judge and I ask that others don’t either. Having said that, I would like to keep this thread free from defending why nfp and abstinence are the only morally acceptable options (that issue has been discussed on tons to threads already).

Thanks and God Bless you all.
 
I am 42, using NFP currently to avoid, but will be of little help because my cycles seem to be regular. I am not experiencing any premenopausal symptoms (that I am aware of!). It could be because I had a baby at 41. Maybe my body “thinks” I am younger.

We intend to use NFP, though, despite any difficulties that may occur because of my body changing.
 
Okay. I am older than you, but not yet 40. I don’t have any personal experiences to share, but I have studied cases in training to teach NFP.

NFP can be used successfully if you are perimenopausal, but depending on your experience, it can be frustrating. The cycle of a woman approaching menopause can mimic the cycle of a breastfeeding woman.

The method that you learned probably has its own way of charting for perimenopausal (as well as breastfeeding.)

I am anxious to hear some personal stories, though. . .without judgment.
 
HouseArrest said:
I am 42, using NFP currently to avoid, but will be of little help because my cycles seem to be regular. I am not experiencing any premenopausal symptoms (that I am aware of!). It could be because I had a baby at 41. Maybe my body “thinks” I am younger.

We intend to use NFP, though, despite any difficulties that may occur because of my body changing.
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I have read that for every baby you have, your cervix actually rejuvenates 2 - 3 years. . .
 
nfpworks said:
The method that you learned probably has its own way of charting for perimenopausal (as well as breastfeeding.)
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You’re right. I learned Creighton. Even in my twenties, I seemed to have mucus all the time which made it difficult to decipher my cycles. There were long periods of abstaining, up to two weeks or a little more, until I was certain I was infertile. So I am anxious to see how my cycles will look as I age.
 
Joya said:
*…*I would like to hear about the experiences of those on this board who are around age 40 and beyond and what you have done in the family planning department as I personally know no one who uses nfp in this age group. How has your experience with nfp changed as you have aged? Is nfp more of a chore? …
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We don’t use any method of birth regulation. We formerly used barrier methods, switched to NFP and eventually decided to accept whatever number of children God gave us. I’m actually considering NFP charting now–not for birth regulation but just to figure out what’s going on with my cycle.

My fertility has definately declined. I used to be “super fertile”–my fertility signs required extended abstinance using NFP to avoid pregnancy, and I very easily got pregnant. That’s not the case now. My cycle is weird and unpredictable, that’s why I’m thinking about charting. While women can stay fertile into their forties and maybe even fifties, fertility declines and miscarriage becomes more common as women age. My mom had her last child (me) when she was in her early forties and she didn’t use birth control. My youngest child is 2 1/2, and I’m not pregnant while using no method of birth control. I’m open to the possibilities of having more children, but I suspect there’s a chance that I may not. I guess I’m fine either way.

Time passes and fertility passes. Women who shows signs of fertility may still have difficulties getting pregnant or maintaining a pregnancy. Joya, I’ve known women in their early thirties unable to have more than one or two children even though they desire and tried for more. I even know a woman who went through menopause in her late thirties. Don’t worry too much about what lies ahead in seven years.
 
Well, when I hit forty, my cycles started to be regular, 27-29 days each! Prior to that I was any where from 36 days to 60+ days. Two things happened at that time, my PMS became PMDD and the Dr. put me on progesterone cream and I went on a low carb diet which helped my cycles tremendously. Found out it wasn’t the carbs but the wheat that made the difference 👍 and, well, I go anywhere from 26 days to 28 now, regular as clock work.

Do not think that you get erratic when you are peri-menopausal, you may get closer together, you may get farther apart but in talking with all my friends who are my age, we are more regular than we have ever been! We are all now either just turned 50 or 51 too.

The greatest indicator of when you will be menopausal is when your mother hit menopause - my mom stopped having periods when she was 52 so I have that to look forward to, a new and different phase in my life, one I am looking forward to.

As for using NFP to avoid, well, about five years ago my temps. were erratic but my periods were not, nor were the signs of mucous or “ovulation” pain so I just stopped charting all together. I write down the first day of my cycle and then count the days. We use day 17 or 18 as a safe day and are risking it I know but, here I am, not pregnant so as far as “avoiding” goes it is working. We also use the “shortest cylce minus 20 days” to give us the last safe day in phase 1 - which right now is day 6.

Brenda V.
 
gardenswithkids said:
Time passes and fertility passes. Women who shows signs of fertility may still have difficulties getting pregnant or maintaining a pregnancy. Joya, I’ve known women in their early thirties unable to have more than one or two children even though they desire and tried for more. I even know a woman who went through menopause in her late thirties. Don’t worry too much about what lies ahead in seven years.
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Gardens, you’re right. Thanks for the good advice. I tend to worry a lot. I also have a friend who has one child and has been trying for some time now for baby no. 2. It’s a mystery why she is not getting pregnant and is looking into it with her dr. I haven’t experienced this yet, but who knows what the future holds?
 
When we were young we worked darn hard to get pregnant. There is three years between our first three children and that was not my plan. We then decided we wanted another when I was 37. We got pregnant in the first month trying. That baby died at 31 weeks. We then got pregnant three months later. He also died. I am now 40 and my cycles are not normal, but it has not been hard to find the time in my cycle that I am fertile. I use the Creighton Method and I also take temps. because I have a thyroid problem. Between the temps and Creighton method it really is easy to find the fertile days. We finally decided that God knows better what we need and have given our fertility over to him. We are pregnant with our sixth child and I am thankful for each day this little baby is with us. God gives us the grace to do as he asks of us. There has been incredible sorrow in our lives, but as long as we are doing his will, we have incredible peace that has lead to profound joy.
 
dkoinzan said:
When we were young we worked darn hard to get pregnant. There is three years between our first three children and that was not my plan. We then decided we wanted another when I was 37. We got pregnant in the first month trying. That baby died at 31 weeks. We then got pregnant three months later. He also died. I am now 40 and my cycles are not normal, but it has not been hard to find the time in my cycle that I am fertile. I use the Creighton Method and I also take temps. because I have a thyroid problem. Between the temps and Creighton method it really is easy to find the fertile days. We finally decided that God knows better what we need and have given our fertility over to him. We are pregnant with our sixth child and I am thankful for each day this little baby is with us. God gives us the grace to do as he asks of us. There has been incredible sorrow in our lives, but as long as we are doing his will, we have incredible peace that has lead to profound joy.
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Thank you for sharing your story! I am sorry for your loss; I can’t imagine the pain of losing a baby. Congratulations on your 6th baby. I pray that he/she will be born healthy and will bless your lives.
 
Joya,

Each woman is so unique that it is very difficult to give insight on anything but our own individual experiences. Looking to your own mother’s experience of perimenopause/menopause will likely give you the best guess at the sort of timetable you may be looking at - but even that is only a guess.

We were longtime NFP users, beginning when I was a very young bride back in 1976 or so; a little nun who was a nurse and worked for Catholic Charities used to come to one’s home and “give lessons!” I used mucus-only at first, and then sympto-thermal, which I found much more helpful, though I really can’t say I was ever totally at ease, as I always seemed to have contradictory mucus; using temps to “double check” was helpful sometimes, but was also sometimes contradictory.

I had several early miscarriages over 2-3 years before our first daughter was born, used NFP successfully through breastfeeding (though sometimes with LONG periods of abstinence) after each of our girls (second one born when I was 32.) Things started getting wonky by my mid-thirties. I experienced perimenopausal symptoms quite early and was totally post-menopausal at 43. In retrospect, the wacky mucus may have indicated that my hormones had been a little nuts for quite a while.

Both of my girls have experienced very long menstrual cycles, and the younger, newly married daughter has already had surgery for endometriosis. They both have found that taking Optivite vitamins has helped somewhat with their cycles (I have heard that, sometimes, erratic cycles are due to a lack of certain nutrients; who knows?)

So, don’t worry so much; find the NFP method that suits you best (or no NFP!) - whatever is right for you and your husband. You are very young, and advances in fertility monitoring (e.g., LadyComp fertility monitor, other monitoring methods) may remove much uncertainty by the time you’re ten or so years down the road. God bless.
 
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