C
chevalier
Guest
Are you too troubled on this day?
Personally, I was in a relationship with a girl for almost 1.5 years (and we had been friends for the 2.5 before) until she broke up with me on 2nd Feb., Epiphany/Offering. She said it was between religion (she was baptised Catholic, gone agnostic) and long distance and religion more so. However, there was and still is evidence to suggest that it was in fact all about long distance and the fact we didn’t see each other all that often and the meeting in February didn’t work out - feeling pressured, needing time with family and generally some rest home in the university break, I wasn’t that eager to fly there until I changed my mind and then I discovered the exam and break schedule at university had changed and I was unable to fly there then anyway. Since that time, I believe she was sad, tending to avoid me, dealing with the feeling of loss she wasn’t talking to me about, perhaps saying goodbye to the relationship. We seemed to be happy again until another debate, when she felt offended by my saying that it was impossible to go by the popular opinion forever (democratic society, friends etc) and that at some point she’d have to make her own mind and decide and she’d be alone there. She thought I was dumping her, I explained I was far from that. She said it was like a blow to the face or like a final blow… or both. I didn’t realise it was leading to a break-up. Then she approached me wanting to talk about making some decision, but I think she was more inclined to break up than anything, though she was crying and asking for a solution. It was all put down the religious difference, but I still have the prevailing feeling that she’s hurt from the February meeting not working out (she wanted to meet then for it to preserve our love and our memory and keep us remembering what we were to each toher) and for my rash comment (I react to any trace of relativism like that
). She seems to be fighting herself at the moment, as she obviously needs contact with me, initiating it twice the last days, while it’s always short and she seems conflicted. Parents are an issue and a strange one as they kept saying how well we matched, how I behaved the same her father did to her mother, they had tears in eyes when I was leaving and all, had a cup for me in the house, always passed greetings and whatnot. When she talked to them on Epiphany, they told her they’d never allow her to marry me. That was a surprise. Apart from religion, their issues were lack of initiative (misunderstood problems with going there or getting her to come here) or my supposed playing computer games or visiting my one best friend as the whole of my life because I had nothing better to do. But I wonder where they got such information or how they made it up. And when. It’s strange. It may be connected with my telling her that perhaps they are regulating her life a bit too much (telling her when to go to bed at age 20, allowing her or not to marry - it was about signing the prenupt, and such things). I’ve said similar things about friends and it seems that she had talked about it with friends too. In the older time, she was thankful to me for helping her become more independent from her friends’ wishes and expectations, but perhaps the effect has dissipated.
At any rate, two and a half weeks after her suddenly saying it’s over, I still think about her, have dreams about her, keep remembering our good days and thinking that we seem to be made for each other, as well as sorely regretting the way I seem to have hurt her - she genuinely tried all her best before and cheered me up whenever I was gloomy about our differences, as well as tried to prevent our endless innumerable debates about abortion, euthanasia etc. These days I think she was more loving and trying to prevent us from fighting and wounding our love than trying to dodge discussions, avoid making opinions etc, which I thought before. I don’t think I did right in debating like that - it was far from charitably talking about things and making her feel loved while doing so. I feel like I had argued more for myself than for God or Christianity or Catholicism. In fact, in practical cases, we agreed much much more than in theory. The differences were on some important matters, but there were way more similarities. And we loved each other a lot, were very close as friends and loving doves (
), didn’t have problems with chastity or anything, had lovely and wonderful times and memories, understood each other intuitively. I’m missing it. And I have the desire to cut the debates, while I still don’t want to make children less than Catholic, or agree to having no children, or whatever would make me go against my faith.
Personally, I was in a relationship with a girl for almost 1.5 years (and we had been friends for the 2.5 before) until she broke up with me on 2nd Feb., Epiphany/Offering. She said it was between religion (she was baptised Catholic, gone agnostic) and long distance and religion more so. However, there was and still is evidence to suggest that it was in fact all about long distance and the fact we didn’t see each other all that often and the meeting in February didn’t work out - feeling pressured, needing time with family and generally some rest home in the university break, I wasn’t that eager to fly there until I changed my mind and then I discovered the exam and break schedule at university had changed and I was unable to fly there then anyway. Since that time, I believe she was sad, tending to avoid me, dealing with the feeling of loss she wasn’t talking to me about, perhaps saying goodbye to the relationship. We seemed to be happy again until another debate, when she felt offended by my saying that it was impossible to go by the popular opinion forever (democratic society, friends etc) and that at some point she’d have to make her own mind and decide and she’d be alone there. She thought I was dumping her, I explained I was far from that. She said it was like a blow to the face or like a final blow… or both. I didn’t realise it was leading to a break-up. Then she approached me wanting to talk about making some decision, but I think she was more inclined to break up than anything, though she was crying and asking for a solution. It was all put down the religious difference, but I still have the prevailing feeling that she’s hurt from the February meeting not working out (she wanted to meet then for it to preserve our love and our memory and keep us remembering what we were to each toher) and for my rash comment (I react to any trace of relativism like that
). She seems to be fighting herself at the moment, as she obviously needs contact with me, initiating it twice the last days, while it’s always short and she seems conflicted. Parents are an issue and a strange one as they kept saying how well we matched, how I behaved the same her father did to her mother, they had tears in eyes when I was leaving and all, had a cup for me in the house, always passed greetings and whatnot. When she talked to them on Epiphany, they told her they’d never allow her to marry me. That was a surprise. Apart from religion, their issues were lack of initiative (misunderstood problems with going there or getting her to come here) or my supposed playing computer games or visiting my one best friend as the whole of my life because I had nothing better to do. But I wonder where they got such information or how they made it up. And when. It’s strange. It may be connected with my telling her that perhaps they are regulating her life a bit too much (telling her when to go to bed at age 20, allowing her or not to marry - it was about signing the prenupt, and such things). I’ve said similar things about friends and it seems that she had talked about it with friends too. In the older time, she was thankful to me for helping her become more independent from her friends’ wishes and expectations, but perhaps the effect has dissipated.At any rate, two and a half weeks after her suddenly saying it’s over, I still think about her, have dreams about her, keep remembering our good days and thinking that we seem to be made for each other, as well as sorely regretting the way I seem to have hurt her - she genuinely tried all her best before and cheered me up whenever I was gloomy about our differences, as well as tried to prevent our endless innumerable debates about abortion, euthanasia etc. These days I think she was more loving and trying to prevent us from fighting and wounding our love than trying to dodge discussions, avoid making opinions etc, which I thought before. I don’t think I did right in debating like that - it was far from charitably talking about things and making her feel loved while doing so. I feel like I had argued more for myself than for God or Christianity or Catholicism. In fact, in practical cases, we agreed much much more than in theory. The differences were on some important matters, but there were way more similarities. And we loved each other a lot, were very close as friends and loving doves (
), didn’t have problems with chastity or anything, had lovely and wonderful times and memories, understood each other intuitively. I’m missing it. And I have the desire to cut the debates, while I still don’t want to make children less than Catholic, or agree to having no children, or whatever would make me go against my faith.
Well, truth be told, I forgot my gentleman formation a little for a while after that break-up. Let’s say I used to be better about not bugging people who didn’t want it. Admittedly, additionally, I think I wasn’t that great about manners (at least in the kindness aspect, though I might have crossed the lines of politeness as well) before the end of the relationship, so the worst thing I can do is keep forgetting about good manners now.