Varying decree of faith

[janet1025]

I am married to a wonderful man whom I pressured into leaving the church many years ago. Now I have realized my error and returned to the church. I have been able to get him to attend mass with myself and our children but that is the most he is open to. Whenever I try to discuss religious or the catholic church he tells me I have been “drinking the kool-aide” He has a lot of valid reasons to be angry with the church and I have asked him to discuss them with our priest but he said no. Now I am in the situation of not being open with him our how much I want to be involved in prayer life and the church. I don’t feel comfortable bring home books I would enjoy reading or even saying the rosary at home. I really pushed him to the place he is at and now I don’t know how to pull him back. He has discussed changing religions which I have told him I will only support if he spends an hour with our priest to discuss his reasons. Any advise on how to remain faithful to my husband while still answering Jesus knock on the door?

 

[1ke]

Pray to St Monica and St Rita. Offer sacrifice on his behalf. It may take a very long time.

 

[Actaeon]

I am married to a wonderful man whom I pressured into leaving the church many years ago. Now I have realized my error and returned to the church. I have been able to get him to attend mass with myself and our children but that is the most he is open to. Whenever I try to discuss religious or the catholic church he tells me I have been “drinking the kool-aide” He has a lot of valid reasons to be angry with the church and I have asked him to discuss them with our priest but he said no. Now I am in the situation of not being open with him our how much I want to be involved in prayer life and the church. I don’t feel comfortable bring home books I would enjoy reading or even saying the rosary at home. I really pushed him to the place he is at and now I don’t know how to pull him back. He has discussed changing religions which I have told him I will only support if he spends an hour with our priest to discuss his reasons. Any advise on how to remain faithful to my husband while still answering Jesus knock on the door?

Have you reminded him of your role in his stepping back from the faith? Perhaps pointing out that his current path was not initially of his own choosing but was bowing down to pressure from you will cause him to reevaluate WHY he is on that path? In other words, stop pushing him to change how you want it and start telling him he needs to speak to a priest to form his own opinion and faith again! That, after all, is the salvation that God desires… that we are not forced into what some external thing desires for us, but that we experience true, personal conversion.

 

[JRKH]

I am married to a wonderful man whom I pressured into leaving the church many years ago. Now I have realized my error and returned to the church. I have been able to get him to attend mass with myself and our children but that is the most he is open to. Whenever I try to discuss religious or the catholic church he tells me I have been “drinking the kool-aide” He has a lot of valid reasons to be angry with the church and I have asked him to discuss them with our priest but he said no. Now I am in the situation of not being open with him our how much I want to be involved in prayer life and the church. I don’t feel comfortable bring home books I would enjoy reading or even saying the rosary at home. I really pushed him to the place he is at and now I don’t know how to pull him back. He has discussed changing religions which I have told him I will only support if he spends an hour with our priest to discuss his reasons. Any advise on how to remain faithful to my husband while still answering Jesus knock on the door?

I think that it begins with respecting his position and then expecting that he respect yours. By this I mean that you should not feel constrained in your spiritual life - as what books you bring home, or praying the rosary, or becoming more involved with prayer life at church etc…
You have said nothing here that indicates he would give you a “hard time” about what you do privately, he has simply declined to talk about matters of faith at present. If he DOES start to make unwelcome comments about what you are choosing to do spiritually, calmly and charitably let him know that you will not push him and you ask that he not discourage you.

For now, be grateful that he is attending mass and simply be a good example to him.

Peace
James

 

[cominghomeCC]

There is no reason you should be uncomfortable reading a book, or even finding a quiet 20 minutes to pray the rosary. You likely won’t be able to draw him into conversation about it, but quiet perseverance can pay off. I’ve gotten my atheist/agnostic husband to Mass this year, and his anti-catholic parents. In fact the in-laws demanded to know when. You don’t need to nag, extend the invite and leave it at that. Dh reads at work, he typically reads whatever library books I bring home, fiction works. Many have been christian, and several I’m finding now are Catholic. He hasn’t commented or complained about it. Sometimes he’s says something was hokey, but hey, it’s a work of fiction. But it does gently plant the seed. The comments about religion aren’t as crass as they once were, he is more respectful since 2 of the girls have joined me.

Here is something from the cathecism:

1637 In marriages with disparity of cult the Catholic spouse has a particular task: "For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband."140 It is a great joy for the Christian spouse and for the Church if this “consecration” should lead to the free conversion of the other spouse to the Christian faith.141 Sincere married love, the humble and patient practice of the family virtues, and perseverance in prayer can prepare the non-believing spouse to accept the grace of conversion.

This is where I am. You are a step ahead, or maybe 10, as your dh is going to Mass with you and your children( praise the Lord! ), tho you have no disparity of cult, but I think it applies… Just be gentle, patient, and pray. It’s on God’s time, not yours to have him embrace the Catholic Faith once again. Sometimes it’s not how fast you get there, but the path to it that makes the difference, that gives it meaning.

 

[janet1025]

Thank you everyone - it all makes sense and I think when reading this it is really my guilt for leading him down this road. I recognize that is one my not him.