Vasectomy and Joining the Church

[Newbie_222]

im 27, and until recently, had been pretty much and agnostic type of guy. rebellious, no-fearing adventuresome guy, well-educated. i had a vasectomy at age 22, the earliest age possible in my state because i never wanted to be “tied down” with children.

i met a woman with the same feelings about children as me, and we were married by a JOP about 2 yrs ago. she was raised a catholic, but was never really practicing until about a year ago. i have no idea what brought on the turnabout, but she has convinced me to make the journey back with her. i am going through a RICA program, and oftentimes we have discussions about faith, theology ect.

a main topic recently was the validating of our civil marriage to a sacremental one. we were told that in order to be completely sacremental, we must agree(?) to the same standards as a regular church wedding would ask. she and i still want no children, and even if we did, there’s just no way that anyone can guarantee that a reversal would work. it probably couldnt work because i had a ultrasonic severing and laser cauderization of the vas deferens. so i am basically permenantly sterile.

i am really hesitant to mention this to anyone there, because im afraid that being voluntarily sterilized would prevent the church from accepting our marriage, and afterwards, the church would view her as living in sin because we are only civily married.

her parents now absolutely despise me because about 8 months ago, i was bitten by a copperhead on the calf while helping her dad clear out their backyard. the paramedics arrived and asked me if i had any medical conditions, surguries ect, and i wasnt thinking and told them i had a vasectomy 4 years ago. of course he overheard, and wow. i am no longer welcome in their house with them being strict catholics, and wanting very many grandchildren.

heres what her dad told me, and why they are so furious.

the church strongly teaches against sterrilization. any sterilization is a mortal sin, and can be forever. sterilization is like robbing a bank, serving your time (repenting), but using and spending the stolen money after your sentence. i.e. having sex after sterilization and repenting is still BENEFITING from the evil act because you committed the act ONCE, but can benefit from child-free sex for the rest of your life.

any advice here? im at a loss.

 

[Ham1]

Your future father in law is not entirely correct. If you convert into the Catholic faith, you must be committed to the concept of a Christian marriage that is open to children, even though it is extremely unlikely that you will ever have children. It is not necessary for you to attempt a reversal in order to be accepted into the Church or married in the Church.

 

[snoopy]

Ham1:

Your future father in law is not entirely correct. If you convert into the Catholic faith, you must be committed to the concept of a Christian marriage that is open to children, even though it is extremely unlikely that you will ever have children. It is not necessary for you to attempt a reversal in order to be accepted into the Church or married in the Church.

From everything I have read, this is not true. You do not have to attempt a reversal. Only go to confession and truly repent. Anyone else hear the same thing?

 

[1ke]

Sterility is not an impediment to a valid marriage. Therefore no need to worry in that regard.

Your father in law is incorrect (and quite uncharitable) regarding several things:

First, while sterilization is always objectively a gravely disordered act (ie, wrong) it is NOT mortally sinful unless it is committed with full knowledge and will. At the time you had your sterilization, you did not know it was a grave sin, and therefore it was not mortally sinful in your case. Still wrong, but not a mortal sin-- a willful act against God.

The Church does not require you to reverse the sterilization. And, you are NOT committing any sin by having sexual relations with your spouse subsequent to the sterilization.

The only thing that may be sinful is the attitude you retain regarding children and possibly not being sorry about the sterilization and embracing what the church teaches rearding contraception and fecundy in marriage (but I say MAY and not IS because you should really discuss this with a priest).

Perhaps in time you might change your mind about children, and there is always the very generous gift of adopting a child that you and your wife might consider in the future.