Verbal and Emotional Abuse

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newmommy72

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I’ve written on this forum since 2011 about my marriage being verbally and emotionally abusive. Now two children later, I am finally ready to face the fact that he will not admit that he needs help. Even the abuse has spilled over to our little ones. I pray that God gives me the courage and strength to leave, as he has threatened divorce multiple times. The scars over the six years of our marriage are so deep that I forgive and then get abused again. I don’t know if God can ever forgive me for ending my marriage, but I know I may never forgive myself if I stay. Please pray for me.
 
newmommy72 said:
I’ve written on this forum since 2011 about my marriage being verbally and emotionally abusive. Now two children later, I am finally ready to face the fact that he will not admit that he needs help. Even the abuse has spilled over to our little ones. I pray that God gives me the courage and strength to leave, as he has threatened divorce multiple times. The scars over the six years of our marriage are so deep that I forgive and then get abused again. I don’t know if God can ever forgive me for ending my marriage, but I know I may never forgive myself if I stay. Please pray for me.
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I will pray for you. Your children need to be protected, so God will forgive. Just make a good confession and try to gather the strength for this emotional move. Sadly, I just learned of a family my son went to school with who did a similar thing…she left an abusive marriage. Sadly, she left the church to please him. I am hoping that I can invite her to join us to rediscover our beautiful faith!
 
Thank you for your prayers. He has tried to turn me away from my faith too. When I bring up my faith, he mocks me and says “Your God, Your God!” and I have given up on trying to turn him around. But, I will never give up on my faith.
 
I’m so sorry for your very painful dilemma. :console:

I had to separate after 25 years and perhaps should have done so earlier.

I wanted my kids to have a father, but during that time he managed to manipulate them and alienate them from me, doing his dirty work behind the scenes and making me look like the angry out of control bad guy.

I can so relate to the forgive/get abused again cycle.

I came to realize that allowing him to treat me this way is not helping him on his path to heaven and was taking me down with him. :confused:

I pray the Holy Spirit will give you guidance and the peace that passes all understanding.
 
Praying for you and your little ones.
May Blessed Mother spread her mantle of protection over you all.
Your guardian angels guide you out.
May Jesus provide the help you need to make this transition -
Jesus loves you and is a most merciful God!

God Speed.
 
newmommy72 said:
Thank you for your prayers. He has tried to turn me away from my faith too. When I bring up my faith, he mocks me and says “Your God, Your God!” and I have given up on trying to turn him around. But, I will never give up on my faith.
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Your story sounds like my friend’s story. However, he forced her to go to a non-denominational church, which made her sad. She wanted to raise her children Catholic. She kicked him out, had enough and is trying her best.
 
:hug1: Prayers ascending. :signofcross:
  1. Make sure that you have a plan before you leave.
  2. Be aware that if he is abusive now and has threatened to leave he will most likely escalate his abusive behaviour to threats once you do leave. He is unstable.
  3. Let your trusted family members know in writing as in email.
  4. Let the police know that you are leaving and why you are leaving. Have you reported him before? This way there will be a history if god forbid he goes ballistic.
  5. Let your priest know that you are leaving and why you are leaving.
Good luck and take care of those precious babies.
 
I pray The Lord heals all who have suffered abuse, and casts down abusers into an isolated pit…

The man with an AK-47 is known for who he is. You can see his danger, you can hear his bullets from miles away. Everyone knows he must be dealt with.

It’s the hand that moves under the table. The person who gas-lights, manupulates, and tears people down with words politics, attitudes, and emotional strings I have no respect for. May each and everyone of those people be exposed and left to their own torments for an eternity.
 
Call a domestic violence helpline (if you cant call ask a friend or family member to) and ask them for ideas and help on how to leave the situation. As someone else said: you need a plan.

At a minimum you need to have your personal ID, ID for the children, and a safe place to go.
If at all possible try going to the next county or at least the next town over.

God bless you.
 
newmommy72 said:
I’ve written on this forum since 2011 about my marriage being verbally and emotionally abusive. Now two children later, I am finally ready to face the fact that he will not admit that he needs help. Even the abuse has spilled over to our little ones. I pray that God gives me the courage and strength to leave, as he has threatened divorce multiple times. The scars over the six years of our marriage are so deep that I forgive and then get abused again. I don’t know if God can ever forgive me for ending my marriage, but I know I may never forgive myself if I stay. Please pray for me.
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I am so sorry…you are right to leave. you have an obligation to protect your children from emotional and verbal abuse. I would suggest you look into the ap you can download that allows you to record any of his tirades, that you make sure you are physically safe AFTER you leave, and that you meet with an attorney before you leave so you have a clear understanding of the civil marriage laws of your state. You may have a long life as a ‘single but married’ Catholic ahead of you - but I was raised by a mother that took this step and I am very proud of her. She did not leave her marriage - she protected her children.

She never left her Faith or The Church either.

You are in my prayers.
 
Polluted said:
I pray The Lord heals all who have suffered abuse, and casts down abusers into an isolated pit…

The man with an AK-47 is known for who he is. You can see his danger, you can hear his bullets from miles away. Everyone knows he must be dealt with.

It’s the hand that moves under the table. The person who gas-lights, manupulates, and tears people down with words politics, attitudes, and emotional strings I have no respect for. May each and everyone of those people be exposed and left to their own torments for an eternity.
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I love this - what amazing insight…thank you!
 
Polluted said:
I pray The Lord heals all who have suffered abuse, and casts down abusers into an isolated pit…

The man with an AK-47 is known for who he is. You can see his danger, you can hear his bullets from miles away. Everyone knows he must be dealt with.

It’s the hand that moves under the table. The person who gas-lights, manipulates, and tears people down with words politics, attitudes, and emotional strings I have no respect for. May each and everyone of those people be exposed and left to their own torments for an eternity.
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This is the truth about the more covert abuse being the more dangerous. Women who have been beaten say that the verbal abuse is far, far worse than a broken bone. This sort of abuse should not be tolerated and pains our Lords heart to see happening.

Don’t forget Polluted that we need to see this despicable sinner in the eyes of our Lord. Jesus loves the sinners, and pursues them. We need to pray for them that they would repent and know the love and mercy of God. Only God can know when its time to give up and leave them to their own torments for eternity. Only God does that. Jesus showed us our role - to hope and pray for them, as we leave judgment of eternal souls to God.
 
Eliza10 said:
This is the truth about the more covert abuse being the more dangerous. Women who have been beaten say that the verbal abuse is far, far worse than a broken bone. This sort of abuse should not be tolerated and pains our Lords heart to see happening.

Don’t forget Polluted that we need to see this despicable sinner in the eyes of our Lord. Jesus loves the sinners, and pursues them. We need to pray for them that they would repent and know the love and mercy of God. Only God can know when its time to give up and leave them to their own torments for eternity. Only God does that. Jesus showed us our role - to hope and pray for them, as we leave judgment of eternal souls to God.
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It is true. I need to work on that. I try not to condemn but it’s …challenging.
 
I was searching online for Catholic views on domestic abuse, and found this thread. I do hope the original poster is in a safe place in her life, and is beginning to heal.

I have been experiencing verbal, emotional, financial, and lately, spiritual abuse by my controlling husband for seventeen years, but it was subtle at first. It escalated four years ago, and when I finally stood up to it and called him out for his abuse, he has become excessively cruel. He is a devout Catholic, as am I. We attend separate parishes, because due to a mold infestation in our local parish, I cannot enter the building. I attend a Fraternity parish some distance away. My Confessor has been urging me to stay, and he actually sat down with us and tried to help, but my husband took that opportunity to abuse me further, at a deeper and more painful level- trashing my worth as a Catholic wife and mother with vicious lies.

There is so much more…but some things he is doing to manipulate me are almost too terrible to believe. Life is a living purgatory, and it is all I can do to stay calm and not believe his narrative about what a horrible person I am, and how “abusive” I am toward him because I called him a narcissistic abuser. Three of my four kids have been brainwashed against me. My oldest sees the truth, as he was once just like him and he ruined his life, is working hard to change.

One thing that burns me is when I told his pastor about the most recent abuse- which is to build me a small space where I must live, and cannot access my house- he gave a non-committal answer about both of us needing healing…HELLO!!! This man is building me a prison. What did I do that I must be so punished?!?!? Would he prefer I get beaten? Why are priests so insensitive to the non-physical abuse? What if a woman cracks and commits suicide because she sees no way out? (No, I am nowhere near despair. I will overcome, I just don’t know how much God requires of me.)

Please, please, please. DO NOT dismiss any wife’s claims of emotional abuse. Do not enable these men with talk of submission or mutual forgiveness. Chances are she is NOT equally to blame, and any blame she does have could very well be a reaction to abuse in the first place.
 
Ladyarcher said:
I was searching online for Catholic views on domestic abuse, and found this thread. I do hope the original poster is in a safe place in her life, and is beginning to heal.

I have been experiencing verbal, emotional, financial, and lately, spiritual abuse by my controlling husband for seventeen years, but it was subtle at first. It escalated four years ago, and when I finally stood up to it and called him out for his abuse, he has become excessively cruel. ** He is a devout Catholic,** as am I. We attend separate parishes, because due to a mold infestation in our local parish, I cannot enter the building. I attend a Fraternity parish some distance away. My Confessor has been urging me to stay, and he actually sat down with us and tried to help, but my husband took that opportunity to abuse me further, at a deeper and more painful level- trashing my worth as a Catholic wife and mother with vicious lies.

There is so much more…but some things he is doing to manipulate me are almost too terrible to believe. Life is a living purgatory, and it is all I can do to stay calm and not believe his narrative about what a horrible person I am, and how “abusive” I am toward him because I called him a narcissistic abuser. Three of my four kids have been brainwashed against me. My oldest sees the truth, as he was once just like him and he ruined his life, is working hard to change.

One thing that burns me is when I told his pastor about the most recent abuse- which is to build me a small space where I must live, and cannot access my house- he gave a non-committal answer about both of us needing healing…HELLO!!! This man is building me a prison. What did I do that I must be so punished?!?!? Would he prefer I get beaten? Why are priests so insensitive to the non-physical abuse? What if a woman cracks and commits suicide because she sees no way out? (No, I am nowhere near despair. I will overcome, I just don’t know how much God requires of me.)

Please, please, please. DO NOT dismiss any wife’s claims of emotional abuse. Do not enable these men with talk of submission or mutual forgiveness. Chances are she is NOT equally to blame, and any blame she does have could very well be a reaction to abuse in the first place.
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Ladyarcher, I will ask you what my counselor asked me when I described the abuse I was suffering: Why do you let him do it?
I thought I had tried everything to make him stop, but I had not done what I needed to: leave.
I bolded the words above, he is a devout Catholic. Really? He is ignoring our Lord’s words and commands, to love one another, be kind, be merciful. He’s no more a devout Catholic than my cat is.
I suggest you contact a domestic violence hotline and talk to them about what you can do, instead of letting him treat you like you don’t matter. Because you do – God loves you.

.
 
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