Very troubling experience at confession

[davidcoit]

Been there done that and I too was told that I go to much. The church was a busy church with long lines and often some people had to be turned away. The priest told me that I was denying other people a chance.

I could understand that and I sure don’t want to be the cause of someone who is in in grave sin missing confession. So I go now once a month on the First Saturday.

If, however, I fall into grave sin :bigyikes: then I’m the first person in line the following Saturday.

 

[mitch2007]

Hi Michael. I’m so sorry that this happened to you. The closest I’ve come to what you described… “priest’s attitude” about the Sacrament of Reconciliation… was this past Divine Mercy Sunday. On the Saturday before… 30 people showed up for the Sacrament of Reconciliation… and 30 people were turned away.

When the Pastor was contacted by phone, and asked politely if he was going to be hearing Confessions… he said “No… because we were still in the Easter season”… whatever that meant (I wasn’t aware that no Confessions were to be heard, during the Easter Season). He then suggested that we all say an “Act of Contrition” and come back another time.

I walked away from that with the feeling that he couldn’t be bothered. It both hurt and scandalized me, greatly. I wrote to the Bishop, concerning the matter… and received a polite answer… telling me to talk directly to the Pastor about it. Again, I had the feeling “I can’t be bothered”.

It worries me greatly, that some of our middle age priests… seem to have this lax “attitude” about the Sacrament of Reconciliation. But I have great hope for the newer, upcoming priests (Possibly you? I will pray for you). I would very much like to see a great “revival” of the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Because it is SO important. God bless, and don’t get discouraged!

That is very sad indeed. I am sorry to say that I have also experienced a “couldn’t be bothered” attitude to confession among several local priests. A common thing is to turn up at the scheduled time - typically 45 minutes or less - on a Saturday, only for no priest to arrive, or to arrive 10 or 15 minutes late. In charity, one must assume he was unavoidably detained elsewhere, or even that he suspected only 1 or 2 penitents (sadly) would come if it was not Lent or Advent, so why bother coming on time. However, it is still irksome! Especially when one realises this is the one time one can get to confession! Sometimes I phone for an appointment; some priests will be reluctant if you’re not from their parish, or want to put it off a day or two or three (because they have meetings, etc)…now, in charity, one must assume they just ARE too busy to hear you today or tomorrow…but on the other hand, there are priests who are happy to hear your confession whenever one (reasonably) asks - thank God for such wonderful priests!

God bless
Mitch

 

[Miserissima]

I recall one priest who thought I was younger than I was…I have a pretty high voice. He was no less strict, though, and gave me a pennance that was physically and mentally impossible to perform (I won’t go into it here). I was in a quandary for a long time, knowing that I could only perform 1/2 my penance.

When I finally came back into the fold, I explained to my new confessor what had happened and he said that I should have explained to the former priest why the penance wasn’t possible, and I said that I did. The former simply priest didn’t listen, but the new one did, and that’s all that matters.

I had to deal with the feeling of mom v dad, though. If I didn’t like what Fr. A said, is it ok to go to Fr. B? In the end, it will be the Holy Spirit to guide you to the right confessor. Look at St. Teresa of Avila and how many she went through – and each time the Lord was pleased with her obedience, no matter how silly or sacreligious. (However, that was back in the day when monasteries had little choice eho was assigned to them – nowadays, we are lucky enough to roam from parish to parish, or simply read the sign on the door).

If you’re bothered by what you’re told by your confessor: check your humility and pray for discernment of knowing when you’re in the presence of an abusive confessor, not a strict one. Know the difference. I wish there was a criteria, but all I can say for now is that it’s more of an intuition…or is it the results?

There may be guilt in finding another pastor. Confess that, too, if you’re so inclined. “Father, I am here not only because of my sins but when I tried to confess last, I was told X…which was unreasonable and…etc.”

You, as a child of God in this generation, are (mostly) fortunate enough to have a choice of confessors.

 

[MarieVeronica]

Declining to offer the Sacrament of Mercy on the eve of the Feast of Divine Mercy…

Yup. It has been happening every year… for the last 3-4 years in at least two of our local parishes. I’m as perplexed as you about the whole thing.

 

[ElizabethAnne]

I heard this story from a reliable source – probably someone on Relevant Radio – although I can’t remember all the exact details. Maybe someone out there has heard it and can fill in the details. Anyway. . .

A young priest was heading to Rome and, because of some “connections,” was scheduled to be part of an audience with JPII. On the way, he met a beggar near the Vatican and, coincidentally – God-incidentally, struck up a conversation with him. Turns out the beggar was a priest who had “hit the skids.” The young priest went on and, in meeting JPII, mentioned the priest/beggar and asked for prayers for him. JPII asked the young priest to have dinner with him that evening and to bring the priest/beggar. The young priest went back to the priest/beggar, who, of course, did not believe the story but, after much cajoling, agreed to go with the young priest, clean up and have dinner with JPII. Dinner went well and at the conclusion of the evening, JPII asked the young priest to allow him and the beggar/priest some private time. The young priest bid JPII goodnight, left the room and waited in another room for the other priest. In a little while, the beggar/priest came out with an astonished look on his face. On the way home, the two talked and the beggar/priest told the young priest that JPII had asked him to hear his confession. In the end, the beggar/priest was brought back “into the fold” and assigned work minstering to the other beggars in his area.

Please fill in or correct any of the details. However, I believe this is an accurate story, even if I’ve muffed some of the details.

God bless!
Dan

Thank you for sharing this beautiful story!

 

[He_Man]

Our priest encourages us to come as often as we feel the need. He begs the parishoners to come to confession more often. Sounds like you need to find another confessor.

God Bless,
Pam

Agreed. Tell your Priest to drop the attitude, and that he only exists to serve you and God.

Ask him how he’d feel if you didn’t come out of fear of his chastizement, and died with a mortal sin on your soul.

I go weekly to confession, or as needed if something were to come up (usually go before every business trip).

You can’t go too often so long as you aren’t being overly scrupulous. I go weekly simply to get the Grace from the sacrament.

 

[joeybaggz]

while I believe I stated all of my mortal sins…

Michael. I say this a charitably as possible and with no judgment intended, but that statement of yours is perplexing… at best.

You state you enjoy frequent confession and that you are in the process of discerning the priesthood.

If mortal sin is a deliberate, willful, malicious, and irrevocable rupture of a person’s relationship with God, how does a man who loves God so much to become a priest, commit so many mortal sins? I don’t think I’ve committed two mortal sins in the last five years, and believe me, I’m no saint. I have trouble understanding that contradiction.

Other posters have mentioned therapy, being overly scrupulous, and finding a good spiritual director. I think you need a good spiritual director because it does seem to me that you are overly scrupulous. I think either your understanding of mortal sin needs a bit of tweaking. If not, in all honesty, I’d be very unwilling to approach a priest with a badly distorted view of the nature of mortal sin in a confessional.

Again, with charity, find a spiritual director and talk. You seem like a nice guy, I can’t picture a genuinely good man who has leanings to be a priest, as a sinner who should be in the sinners hall of fame.

 

[RB2]

To MichaelDaniels:

assuming the advice given by the Priest was subjective and on target:

I suggest its time to ‘man up’.
Dont use your real name on the internet and seek
personal advice.
Dont post for advice where you are asking to be molly coddled.
No one, unless they are committing frequent mortal
sin needs confession more than once a week.
Of course there are exceptions and the priest was
telling you that you werent’ one of those exceptions.

Listen to this priest.

 

[He_Man]

To MichaelDaniels:

assuming the advice given by the Priest was subjective and on target:

I suggest its time to ‘man up’.
Dont use your real name on the internet and seek
personal advice.
Dont post for advice where you are asking to be molly coddled.
No one, unless they are committing frequent mortal
sin needs confession more than once a week.
Of course there are exceptions and the priest was
telling you that you werent’ one of those exceptions.

Listen to this priest.

And why not go simply to receive the Grace, as protection for the future? Where does this “you only 'need” to go" rule come from.

I only need to go to mass weekly, but if I choose to go every day, so be it.

If the Pope can go at least weekly, I would guess many of us can do even more.

It isn’t the Priest’s place to tell anyone they are being a pain by going too much. Telling someone they are being overly scrupulous and telling them they go to confession too often are two different things.

 

[davidcoit]

And why not go simply to receive the Grace, as protection for the future? Where does this “you only 'need” to go" rule come from.

CCC 1458 supports what your saying.

“Without being strictly necessary, confession of everyday faults(venial sins) is nevertheless strongly recommended by the Church. Indeed the regular confession of our venial sins helps us form our conscience, fight againts evil tendencies, let ourselfs be healed by Christ and progess in the life of the Spirit. By receiving more frequently through this sacrement the gift of the Father’s mercy, we are spurred to be merciful as He is merciful”.

 

[CatholiCommit]

So sorry to hear you had a bad experience in confession, I agree with everyone here has said that no priest should critize you during confession, A priest is supposed to be there to give you advice if you are seeking counsel, and when you make a confession he should not be irritated at you, most are glad to see you made the effort come in when you know you have commiited and sin that needs absolution, although I have a great experiences so far in confession, I would be concerned too if the priest I was confessing to was irritated at me for being there. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is not meant to be taken lightly, and I hope this does not keep you from whatever decision you make in the future however I would if there is another priest in the church you attend seek him in confession. You have every right to take Reconciliation whenever you need to that is why it is there right? I would think so. I hope you find a solution to you problem

 

[JimG]

You have every right to take Reconciliation whenever you need to that is why it is there right?

Actually, this is a rather modern attitude toward the sacrament. In the early Church, penitents might be required to remain in an “order of penitents” for months or years before being readmitted to the Eucharist. " Nowadays we have more of a fast food mentality: I want what I want and I want it now.

Nobody is ever going to hear the OP’s story from the priest’s perspective. We cannot judge his actions without knowledge.

I knew a woman who was quite devout and also quite scrupulous. She would not ever receive communion without first going to confession. Was it overkill? Probably. If she had gone to confession daily I can imagine the priest might have discouraged or even forbidden her to go so often. Just an example of what one might mean by ‘abuse of the sacrament.’ But none of us are in a position to judge.

 

[LRThunder]

I would think that the priest would be concerned about people not going to confession when they need to. I mean, would a doctor chastise a patient who’s chronically sick (as opposed to intentionally becoming sick)? Of course not. After all, Confession is a Sacrament of Healing…that should be the primary focus, not how many times someone goes to Confession within a certain span of time.

 

[MissSherri]

Okay - Here it is - the circus of Confession!

I was kicked out of Confession at Medjugorje!

Priest said my sin was going to be committed again no matter what and that I had to go home and think about it. No absolution, no blessing, no forgiveness, no advisement, no nothing. Just get out of the way and let me get to the next deserving person.

Maybe so, but dang - in Medjugorge?

Whew!~

 

[CradleCath]

Yes, it’s called scrupulosity. Arrest this obsessive behavior promptly, otherwise it will destroy your spiritual life. You have no need to going to confession more than once a week, unless you are absolutely confident that you have committed mortal sin.

Frequent confession is very harmful for someone with scrupulosity. Not infrequently it leads to despair or even apostasy from the faith.

Furthermore a scrupulous person is not bound by the same discipline in the confessional that would be incumbent on a Catholic of sound moral reasoning.

From the Original Catholic Encyclopedia:

Also, some wise advice from the saints on this subject is to be found in The Wisdom of the Saints: An Anthology by Jill Haak Adels

You’re right that scrupulousity can be paralyzing. Myself, I think, from studying Luther’s life as a monk, that his long nights on his knees, his self-mortication… drove Martin Luther to leave the Church & start his own “religion” & the doctrine that salvation is by faith only. Sola Fida leaves it all up to God.The term emerged as a consequence of Luther’s translation of Rom. 3:28 in which he added the word “alone” to the phrase “man is justified by faith [alone] apart from works of the Law” (NASB

However, I do believe that the priest in question could have handled the situation much better, if indeed the OP attends confession more than once a week when not guilty of mortal sin. He could have shared that he thought this person’s fear that his sins had not been remitted by his previous confession…or…that his venial sins made him ineligible to receive the Eucharist or his generalized feelings of guilt & fear indicate a need for counseling outside the Confessional.

 

[LilyM]

Okay - Here it is - the circus of Confession!

I was kicked out of Confession at Medjugorje!

Priest said my sin was going to be committed again no matter what and that I had to go home and think about it. No absolution, no blessing, no forgiveness, no advisement, no nothing. Just get out of the way and let me get to the next deserving person.

Maybe so, but dang - in Medjugorge?

Whew!~

Charming. Obviously he didn’t read the scripture verse about ‘if your brother sins against you seven times a day and seven times comes back saying ‘I repent’, forgive him’