Virginity / Chastity

[Sarabande]

It’s tough when you’re young and you want to fit in and make friends.

Topics like that come up.

My parents, and the parents of almost all of my friends, did not instill the importance of chastity until marriage. My parents cohabitated for five years before they got married. Who were they to say it’s not a wise idea when they’ve been married for 30 years? My parents still feel this way.

I was friends with the girls that tried to “help” me loose my virginity since I was 15. They knew what was going on in my life.

I was naive and no one taught me otherwise. I’m also not an isolated case. Plenty of parents don’t teach the importance of privacy and chastity. Kids get confused and are also blinded by this overwhelming sense to fit in.

It’s very easy to chastise a 24 year old for airing their dirty laundry…but not so easy to do the same for an 18 year old…or younger.

This is very true. Being a teenager is hard and many teens don’t know how to stand up on their own through no real fault of their own. I was fortunate. I was not really mocked or made fun of as a teenager because I usually didn’t care about fitting in, but that was not normal for most kids. I was always up front and never apologetic about my beliefs and my friends and many of my peers actually respected me for it. I think I also escaped certain problems from others because my friends told me that I never acted morally superior or judged others who made sexual mistakes. I was relatively quiet and reserved and in some ways, a loner. I knew I wasn’t perfect in many other ways and my own sins were no better.

The main reason for my success in preserving my virginity till marriage, though, was that my parents always instilled in us that sex was sacred and was to be reserved for marriage. My parents also waited until marriage and were able to set an example for us and they always talked openly about sanctity of sex to me and my sister. (Years later, I found out that my younger sister looked up to me as the driving force for her to keep her virginity until marriage a few months ago, even though she doesn’t do it for religious reasons… she’s agnostic.) So, although it wasn’t always easy navigating high school, it certainly was a lot easier when I had parents who supported my beliefs and who I was close to and trusted. I really can’t pat myself on the back for that success. It really was all my parents’ influence.

 

[mayxanh]

It’s tough when you’re young and you want to fit in and make friends.

It’s very easy to chastise a 24 year old for airing their dirty laundry…but not so easy to do the same for an 18 year old…or younger.

I agree. This is what we call “peer pressure”. Sticking to chastity these days means accepting a counter cultural life. Very tough for young adults, especially teenagers who feel the need to hang out with friends.

 

[GraceUnderFire]

I agree. This is what we call “peer pressure”. Sticking to chastity these days means accepting a counter cultural life. Very tough for young adults, especially teenagers who feel the need to hang out with friends.

I think this is where parenting comes in. I was raised by a very strict mother. She never told me anything about sex. To this day, we have never had a conversation about it, but somehow, it was known and expected that sex outside of marriage was not right. I don’t know how she did it (which is why I claim God’s grace) because even after going away to college, I was obviosuly exposed to a world of things that I never even knew about before. But, it just wasn’t an option for me. I never felt any pressure to fit in. In fact, that lifestyle absolutely disgusted me. My mother lives a clean life herself so it was no doubt by her example.

If i was a parent, I would communicate expectations with my children but I think it is SO important to be an example because children really are watching if their parents are actually doing what they say.

 

[Sarabande]

I think this is where parenting comes in. I was raised by a very strict mother. She never told me anything about sex. To this day, we have never had a conversation about it, but somehow, it was known and expected that sex outside of marriage was not right. I don’t know how she did it (which is why I claim God’s grace) because even after going away to college, I was obviosuly exposed to a world of things that I never even knew about before. But, it just wasn’t an option for me. I never felt any pressure to fit in. In fact, that lifestyle absolutely disgusted me. My mother lives a clean life herself so it was no doubt by her example.

If i was a parent, I would communicate expectations with my children but I think it is SO important to be an example because children really are watching if their parents are actually doing what they say.

Yes, I agree. That was one of the things my husband and I talked about when we were considering marriage - setting an example for our children like my parents did for me. I didn’t want to be the “Do as I say, not as I do,” parent in regards to pre-marital sex. That said, I think if parents can’t use their past lives as an example of chaste living, they could also turn that negative part of their lives around and use it as an example as to how not to live your life, focusing on how it hurt them and those around them, admitting that you made mistakes and now regret them. I think open conversation between parents and children is important.

 

[Kamaduck]

I don’t know about young Catholics specifically, but there are certainly many young Christians who are trying to do things the right way. It’s not like “nobody” practices chastity anymore. Where I go to school, there’s a real struggle over it. On the one hand, many of the kids want to do the right thing. On the other, many of their peers expect them to follow the larger culture.

I can’t tell you much more than that, since I don’t question people about their sexual practices. All I can say is that some of us are still trying.

 

[lizaanne]

Are these virtues still practised by young Catholics?

Around me, so many Catholics cohabite before marriages.

Absolutely they are!! I’m surrounded by a good number of 20somethings, and they are all living chaste lives, and not cohabiting.

It IS possible. It’s not easy in this economy and society, but it is possible. I think why it works is by them having extremely tight circles of friends who are like minded so there is no pressure to conform to the societal norm. If you surround yourself who think and feel as you do, you are not constantly fighting to be different.

~Liza

 

[Greg_N]

Absolutely they are!! I’m surrounded by a good number of 20somethings, and they are all living chaste lives, and not cohabiting.

It IS possible. It’s not easy in this economy and society, but it is possible. I think why it works is by them having extremely tight circles of friends who are like minded so there is no pressure to conform to the societal norm. If you surround yourself who think and feel as you do, you are not constantly fighting to be different.

~Liza

Of course it’s possible! St. Simeon Stylites lived atop a pillar for 37 years, kneeling and praying until he passed away, now THAT takes conviction. And we all know peer pressure is a poor excuse, which is why it’s ultimately indefensible.
Step out of the cultural bubble for just 5 seconds and look at the bigger picture; believe it or not people eternity ain’t no joke.

 

[Jade17]

I think open conversation between parents and children is important.

Yes!! Yet I’m amazed by how infrequently this conversation actually happens. I was raised in a roman catholic household, and my mom is a labor and delivery nurse. To say she loves her job is an understatement, and she loved teaching me about the birds and the bees even more. She bought a pop up book for the occasion! Not only did we cover the baby-making process from start to finish, she lectured me on STD’s (medical book pictures and all…), what they are and what they can do, and why waiting to have sex with the right person is so important. When I had questions, that line of communication was open for me to talk to her. I remember going to school and telling friends about this (at the time, mortifying) experience who were also catholic, and they said, “My parents just said it was bad, and I shouldn’t have sex until I’m married.” The ladies didn’t know what it biologically meant to be a virgin. They didn’t know that getting an STD wasn’t like getting the flu. The didn’t know that it was normal to feel the rage of hormones in high school, and the guys seemed to know/understand even less. Most of them didn’t even wait until they left high school, let alone to “find the right person.” I waited, and I credit my mom’s in-depth sex education with that.

 

[Sarabande]

Yes!! Yet I’m amazed by how infrequently this conversation actually happens. I was raised in a roman catholic household, and my mom is a labor and delivery nurse. To say she loves her job is an understatement, and she loved teaching me about the birds and the bees even more. She bought a pop up book for the occasion! Not only did we cover the baby-making process from start to finish, she lectured me on STD’s (medical book pictures and all…), what they are and what they can do, and why waiting to have sex with the right person is so important. When I had questions, that line of communication was open for me to talk to her. I remember going to school and telling friends about this (at the time, mortifying) experience who were also catholic, and they said, “My parents just said it was bad, and I shouldn’t have sex until I’m married.” The ladies didn’t know what it biologically meant to be a virgin. They didn’t know that getting an STD wasn’t like getting the flu. The didn’t know that it was normal to feel the rage of hormones in high school, and the guys seemed to know/understand even less. Most of them didn’t even wait until they left high school, let alone to “find the right person.” I waited, and I credit my mom’s in-depth sex education with that.

YES! YES! YES! Your mom and my parents were very similar. My mother was also a nurse, trained in mid-wifery in her home country (which was a requirement of all nurses at the time over there as the nurses delivered the babies - not the doctors) so had delivered a number of babies in her day before coming the States, as well as worked as a NICU nurse and then did nursing for adults. My father is a doctor in internal medicine. They were both very open and receptive when it came to questions about sex and the body. Maybe because they medical professionals with the mix of the respect for the body and their faith, that they didn’t see it as uncomfortable and awkward to talk about. And because they were like that, we never really had a problem talking about it with them either. I also was very interested in my father’s medical books and read some of them along with the pictures when I was old enough. (The best turnoff to any kind of promiscuous sexual activity was one of my father’s medical books which had pictures of every skin condition, including of almost every STD you can think of).

 

[Godisgreat23]

I believe it is practised by young Catholics I am a proud Virgin saving myself for my future spouse

 

[frankies_music]

I’m a 21 year old Catholic virgin.

I’ll admit, i knew sex before marriage was wrong…but when i started university i was busting for sex. God blessed me so that my few determined attempts failed - and i’m SO glad that i’ve remained a virgin.

Dont get me wrong, i’m FAR from perfect because knowing that all my friends were having sex really made me feel left out and i became addicted to masturbation (shame on me for offending our Lord) - and i’m too weak to stop

I’ve had other catholic friends cry in my arms out of regret for loosing their virginity. So i see that pre-maritial sex really hurts the soul and thatbhas made me want to remain a virgin now.

i’m so glad that i at least have my virginity to give to my wife (when God presents her to me).

For me anyway, sexual sins are the most tempting and i find it SO difficult to resist. But hopefully my current struggles may inspire someone thats in the same position as me to keep on carrying their cross.

Please pray for me and all people who find sexual sins so difficult.

God bless you and your families