Virginity question

[mknabster]

I have a question regarding an action I have done in the past. I think it’s considered a sin, but that’s why I want to ask you guys. Ok, I once had an internet girlfriend, and we did this thing called cyber sex. I have just done this once in my whole life, since I have never known what it was. I was just wondering, could that consider me not being a virgin now? Because I am, I have never had real sex before in my life. And I thought that in order to lose your virginity, you have to give yourself to someone before marriage, and of course physically. So, can you please give me some advice?

 

[patientone]

I’m not an expert, but I believe that from a physical point that you are a virgin since you have abstained from sex with a partner. The purity of your virginity may be tarnished however since you had sex in a form other than coitus. Purity can be restored however with repentance and temperance.

God Bless,

 

[mknabster]

Would that still be considered sex though? If you just say things over the internet, but you really not do or mean anything you say?

 

[patientone]

I guess That I don’t know what cyber-sex is, no need to explain either, point being that sex is sex regardless of method. Lust is a form of sex on the brain, it is the temperence of those thoughts that can snuff out desires and provide sexual purity.

 

[Saint_Andrew]

Hello

I suggest you go to confession and confess your sins and feel refreshed afterwards.

God Bless
Saint Andrew.

 

[dumspirospero]

Bro…chill out…while what you did is considered immoral and should have you in the confessional at your first available opportunity…it was NOT sex. They call it cyber sex, but you you are merely typing words discussing sexual things…it is not sex. You are still a virgin…you just need to go to confession and try your best to never do this again. This is what is called, “putting yourself in the occasion sin” because you are exposing yourself to a sinful situation that may lead you to do other things such as masturbation or actually have a physical relationship with this girl. I hope this helps.

 

[PiusXIII]

mknabster:

And I thought that in order to lose your virginity, you have to give yourself to someone before marriage, and of course physically. So, can you please give me some advice?

If cyber-sex qualifies you as losing your virginity then that would mean that masturbation qualifies you as losing your virginity too.

I think you’re still a virgin, however you probably have sinned and should confess it.

 

[sweetchuck]

Yes, you are still a virgin, but you have sinned against chastity.

Conversely, some chaste people are not virgins.

What you did was unchaste. Go to confession immediately, and do not receive communion again until after you confess this sin. Don’t be afraid to confess it. Your priest probably hears this sin confessed every day he hears confession.

 

[mknabster]

Ok thanks guys, you have been a real help with relieving me of this stress. Thanks again!

 

[batteddy]

If cyber-sex qualifies you as losing your virginity then that would mean that masturbation qualifies you as losing your virginity too.

Actually…masturbation DOES qualify you as losing your virginity.

Maybe not in our current cultural understanding, but in the Catholic understanding.

And the Catholic understanding is much more objective, and the line much more clearly drawn than in the current social understanding where people wonder “how far is too far”

From the Catholic Encyclopedia:

“Morally, virginity signifies the reverence for bodily integrity which is suggested by a virtuous motive. Thus understood, it is common to both sexes, and may exist in a women even after bodily violation committed upon her against her will. Physically, it implies a bodily integrity, visible evidence of which exists only in women. The Catholic Faith teaches us that God miraculously preserved this bodily integrity, in the Blessed Virgin Mary, even during and after her childbirth (see Paul IV, “Cum quorundam”, 7 August, 1555). There are two elements in virginity: the material element, that is to say, the absence, in the past and in the present, of all complete and voluntary delectation, whether from lust or from the lawful use of marriage; and the formal element, that is the firm resolution to abstain forever from sexual pleasure. It is to be remarked, on the one hand, that material virginity is not destroyed by every sin against the sixth or ninth commandment, and on the other hand that the resolution of virginity extends to more than the mere preservation of bodily integrity, for if it were restricted to material virginity, the resolution, at least outside the married state, might coexist with vicious desires, and could not then be virtuous.”

“Virginity is irreparably lost by sexual pleasure, voluntarily and completely experienced.”

From St. Thomas Aquinas’s Summa Theologica:

“Pleasure resulting from resolution of semen may arise in two ways. If this be the result of the mind’s purpose, it destroys virginity, whether copulation takes place or not.”

 

[mumto5]

batteddy:

“Pleasure resulting from resolution of semen may arise in two ways. If this be the result of the mind’s purpose, it destroys virginity, whether copulation takes place or not.”

So in that case anyone who has experienced a ‘wet dream’, as all men will from time to time when not expressing themselves sexually, is no longer a virgin. Sorry, don’t agree with that.

I think the original poster is still a virgin though his chastity would be tainted.

 

[Katie1723]

batteddy:

Actually…masturbation DOES qualify you as losing your virginity.

Maybe not in our current cultural understanding, but in the Catholic understanding…"

So then, how about the guy who has a “wet dream”?
~ Kathy ~

 

[jegow]

PiusXIII:

If cyber-sex qualifies you as losing your virginity then that would mean that masturbation qualifies you as losing your virginity too.

First off, if that is all you have done, cyber sex, you are physically still a virgin. You need to go to confession and cleanse yourself of what you have done.

Mr. Pius 13 is wrong. Masturbation, being real delibrate stimulation of the genital organs is really different than thinking about sex in an internet chat window. Maybe close but different. Masturbation normally ends with an orgasm as to where cyber sex is a bunch of talk. I would have to check this out more but I would say that you qualify for losing your virginity or virginal purity by masturbating, since it ends in a orgasm. So don’t do it!

 

[batteddy]

So in that case anyone who has experienced a ‘wet dream’, as all men will from time to time when not expressing themselves sexually, is no longer a virgin. Sorry, don’t agree with that.

Actually, that issue is clearly addressed.

It has to be VOLUNTARY feeling of sexual pleasure. By “the resolution of semen” he means an orgasm, archaichly…so a woman masturbating loses her virginity to.

But NOT a woman who is raped. She did not consent. If a woman refuses to consent (like St. Maria Gorretti refused and fought) then she is still a virgin even if the physical act eventually is accomplished against her fighting and protest. Sometimes, however, she dies in her refusal to give in and submit, and this is a martyrdom too.

Look at Aquinas’s statement again:

“Pleasure resulting from resolution of semen may arise in two ways.** If this be the result of the mind’s purpose**, it destroys virginity, whether copulation takes place or not.”

A wet dream does not destroy virginity because it is not the “result of the mind’s purpose”. It is not delibrate, in otherwords.

Loss of virginity morally signifies sexual pleasure delibrately felt. Rape which is not consented to, and sexual pleasure in a dream is not either.

Aquinas himself addresses this same issue!

Here, from the same article in the Summa:

"Pleasure resulting from resolution of semen may arise in two ways. If this be the result of the mind’s purpose, it destroys virginity, whether copulation takes place or not. Augustine, however, mentions copulation, because such like resolution is the ordinary and natural result thereof. On another way this may happen beside the purpose of the mind, either during sleep, or through violence and without the mind’s consent, although the flesh derives pleasure from it, or again through weakness of nature, as in the case of those who are subject to a flow of semen. On such cases virginity is not forfeit, because such like pollution is not the result of impurity which excludes virginity. "

Cybersex, if it truly is just impure thoughts and talking vulgarly and arousingly about sex, is NOT loss of virginity. Just a sin against chastity.

But delibrate masturbation DOES constitute loss of virginity.