Vocation Director doesnt like me

[tebedo262]

Hi all,

It really gives me the impression that the vocation director doesn’t like me. One of the fears I have of applying is that he’s going to deny me based on the fact that I think that he doesn’t like me…

I have had experiences where he’s just not the nicest person…

The thing is that I’m in a complicated situation… Even my spiritual director supports thee idea that I might be called to the priesthood and I should give it a chance, to the seminary for formal discernment.

Well, my family is against the idea, and the vocational director for my diocese, instead of seeing all the good signs, just focuses on the bad and says “well the fact that your parents are against it, might be a sign that you aren’t called…”

I don’t know what to think…

What should I do? Any suggestions? Please pray for me and everyone who is discerning!

 

[Xarto]

That’s tough, that’s a lot of pressure in top of your studies. Is there anyone else you can talk to in the seminary?

 

[tebedo262]

Well, unless I talk with the Bishop directly, which I don’t think it’s an option… I don’t think so… He’s the only vocation director in the diocese…

 

[MNathaniel]

If you’re rejected from one seminary, does that prevent you from applying to another one?

I would try to have peace and trust God.

It’s possible this vocation director doesn’t like you, and will reject your application for an arbitrary reason like disliking your shoes. But trust that God can work with every factor in your life, including arbitrary or even unjust decisions made by others.

If you want to apply here, apply. Then if this place rejects you, that’s just data. Politely ask the reasons, then discuss with your spiritual director. If your spiritual director supports you applying to a different seminary, then maybe the different seminary is the one you were meant to attend all along. Or maybe in the end you’ll find that God was guiding you away from the seminary entirely.

 

[tebedo262]

If you’re rejected from one seminary, does that prevent you from applying to another one?

No it doesn’t… But the other diocese/religious order will ask for an explanation on why I got rejected.

–
That makes sense, thank you for the advice. I will discuss it further with spiritual director. it is just frustrating to see unjust decisions, but yes, I must trust God, for if He wants me to go there, He will make a way for me.

THANK YOU!

 

[RolandThompsonGunner]

just focuses on the bad and says “well the fact that your parents are against it, might be a sign that you aren’t called…”

Are you really young? The fact that he’s concerned about parental desires makes me wonder if his concern is that you aren’t old enough to discern the priesthood. Not anything against you necessarily, maybe he just thinks you need to revisit the decision with a little more maturity and life experience under your belt.

 

[MNathaniel]

No worries. For whatever it’s worth, I had an experience with a vocation director who seemed to openly dislike me, and to be honest? Getting redirected away from that institution was the best thing for me. (Turns out they had a lot of internal issues.) And it didn’t impact my future interactions with other – much healthier – communities.

Again, I don’t want to discourage you from walking away from this place yet: maybe you’ll find you get along with this person in the end, or at least they accept your application and you find it’s a healthy environment with other formative individuals there.

But I would suggest… don’t be too fixated on thinking your best fit ‘has’ to be in one location versus another. And be at peace with the possibility that God may allow someone else’s personality quirks (or even technical mistakes) to be one of the mechanisms by which He guides you into what He made you for.

 

[tebedo262]

I’m almost 17 now… I mean, I don’t think the age is really a factor here, because the thing is that I’m thinking of applying right out of high school, if God wants me to, of course… I’ve been thinking about it for more than a year now, and every day, I feel more certain of what God wants from me…

My parents are against it, not because of the age but because they really want me to “live the life as it is intended” in their secular view… They really have a misconception of the priesthood and what freedom really is… They see for example celibacy as a restriction, when it is really not a restriction, but I see it in a different way, as giving myself entirely to the Church. It is discerning between 2 goods, 2 good vocations, but not doing my will but God’s Will.

 

[tebedo262]

Wow, that sounds tough, but it makes sense… God can take bad actions and even evil, and use it for good… That is truly amazing… Praise God!

Thank you for your suggestions, my brother. I will take them into consideration as I walk further in the path…!

 

[Don_Ruggero]

If you’re rejected from one seminary, does that prevent you from applying to another one?

I think it is important to state: if a man is wanting to study for the priesthood, he is properly applying to a diocese (if he is pursuing the secular priesthood) or is applying to an institute of perfection (a religious order, congregation, society of apostolic life, etc.) if he desires to be a priest other than a diocesan priest.

Students who are candidates for Sacred Order are not themselves applying to a seminary. They, rather, would attend the seminary chosen for them.

On the other hand, if a seminarian is dismissed from a seminary, that does have to be reported and the matter investigated before such a student could be subsequently admitted for further formation in another seminary.

 

[MNathaniel]

I think it is important to state…

Thank you, this is helpful information.

Thank you for your suggestions, my brother

OP, please listen to @Don_Ruggero rather than myself: if I’m not mistaken, he’s a priest. And to clarify, I’m actually a woman: my discernment was with monastic life, not seminary/priesthood. So there may be differences I’m unfamiliar with. (Especially regarding the difference between consecrated religious communities being more diverse/particular in terms of discerning a ‘fit’ with one but not another, whereas seminary may actually be different, in a way @Don_Ruggero may be pointing towards.)

I still think it’s true that God uses even personality mismatches to guide us through our vocation journeys – but I would defer to others on the particulars of discerning the priesthood, as I have no experience/knowledge about that specific vocation.

 

[JimR-OCDS]

How are your grades ?

Your age could have much to do with it, if the vocation director doesn’t see you as being mature enough, or having the grades to make it through seminary training.

My dioceses, the seminarians go to Holy Cross College. It’s a difficult college to get into and you must have the grades to be accepted, especially into their seminarian program.

 

[Don_Ruggero]

I’m almost 17 now… I mean, I don’t think the age is really a factor here, because the thing is that I’m thinking of applying right out of high school, if God wants me to, of course… I’ve been thinking about it for more than a year now, and every day, I feel more certain of what God wants from me…

My parents are against it, not because of the age…

If you were not even 17 and there was parental opposition and you were living in my diocese, I would not have been receptive to your candidacy at all. To be clear, it would not have been because of anything personal to you but rather the situation.

Obviously, I don’t know the persons or the situations…but all else being equal, I would urge you not to see the vocation director as not liking you or trying to oppose you personally as much as he is being cautious about the situation you are presenting to him as a minor.

We would also, frankly, not receive non-Catholic minors seeking to become Catholic in such circumstances. We would welcome such a person after they had reached the age of 18 and, depending on circumstances, had established independence…going away to college, etc.

Indeed, the rules of the forum are clear on this point: “Do not give advice to a minor that opposes the instruction of a parent or legal guardian.”

I will say that you seem to have a good and knowledgeable spiritual director who, of course, would know you and your circumstances. I would advise you to be guided by him as to the many things you can do in your situation to grow in your spiritual life, come to better know the many options the eventual pursuit of a vocation could involve, and as you await your eighteenth birthday and beyond.

I will also add, in my experience, many dioceses and many institutes of perfection will ask that a young man have worked or studied and/or lived on their own for a time before considering an application from them. It is much rarer today for a young man to begin his path to the priesthood directly out of high school.

Of course in my day, many boys began their studies toward the priesthood at an even younger age than high school graduate – I was an exception to that, entering seminary years later – and the paradigm of entering upon the studies for priesthood at such young ages was moved away from – for many very good and healthy reasons.

 

[Don_Ruggero]

OP, please listen to @Don_Ruggero rather than myself: if I’m not mistaken, he’s a priest. And to clarify, I’m actually a woman: my discernment was with monastic life, not seminary/priesthood. So there may be differences I’m unfamiliar with. (Especially regarding the difference between consecrated religious communities being more diverse/particular in terms of discerning a ‘fit’ with one but not another, whereas seminary may actually be different, in a way @Don_Ruggero may be pointing towards.)

I still think it’s true that God uses even personality mismatches to guide us through our vocation journeys – but I would defer to others on the particulars of discerning the priesthood, as I have no experience/knowledge about that specific vocation.

Oh but your advice is not unsound nor would your experiences be unhelpful. And what you say about personality mismatches is very true.

I remember the days when boys could begin their studies at 12 or 13. I distinctly remember a community of Sisters that would accept girls at 14. That was many many years ago. Even then, though, the parents had to consent, however.

You speak of a monastic discernment. Indeed, there are communities that would accept a young man who had graduated from high school…provided he was 18 years old…while others would have different criteria. The same is true if this young man were interested in being a friar as opposed to a monk. In both cases, there would be those institutes which would say yes and others that would say no.

One of the wonderful things about living in the Internet age is being able to explore all the different permutations that a vocation can take today…and they are almost all a web page away in terms of finding out about what the possibilities are and where attractions lay.

 

[Don_Ruggero]

continued

For most people, a vocation is a journey that takes years and typically involves a number of twists and turns and even changes of direction. One who was sure they wanted to be a diocesan priest discovers that they really want and need the support of being in a religious community. One who was sure they wanted to be a monk discovers that they really find the diocesan priesthood more to their actual liking, when they are living it and not just thinking about it or romanticizing the reality.

I have mentored many over the years. There were young men who were quite ready to give up marriage and family life when it was a concept…but less able to do so when they fell in love with the individual woman whom they would go on to marry; it wasn’t a concept anymore. Then there were men who, even far long the path, came to the realization, as the years of their formation passed, that they could not live this for a lifetime and needed to withdraw before ordination as deacon. These are all men I still know and who now bring their children and grandchildren round to visit me. They don’t regret their time in formation…it was part of the journey of their lives.

And of course, there are those who went on to become priests. And even bishops.

That’s always something to remember. I was once that young person aspiring to be a priest, many many years ago. And the seminarian. And the young priest. And the priest with this assignment and that assignment and many assignments. And the priest who taught many students for many years. And now I am the old priest. And the retired priest. One acquires a lot of perspectives and experiences and, hopefully, wisdom across a lifetime.