Vocation Guidance - Religious vs. Single

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timber501

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I’m approaching 30 and have come back to the Catholic faith after a long 15 year absence (since I was confirmed). Truthfully, I never cared to understand Catholicism or thought about god much. My view was that god didn’t add an value to my life, therefore it is pointless to think about. I’ve been fortunate from a worldy perspective and I believe that it has distracted me from seeking god. Since coming back, I have entrenched myself into Catholicism both from a theological and spiritual perspective.

My general view: God has infinite love and created the world to be in a journeying state towards perfection. Therefore, we must align all of our thoughts and actions towards his will with no compromise.

Despite having success in Corporate America, my view on life has completely changed and I don’t value what I once did - money & being successful in business. I feel like I’m at a cross-road in my life given my age. From what I’ve seen, most monasteries want people to enter that are under 35. The other factor that is holding me back is I have two single parents living alone (divorced) who are in their 60’s and are aging. I have a sibling who is out of state who would be willing to help but she’s not local to our area.

I’ve thought about nothing but religious life (Benedictines) for the past few weeks and know that single life is not a vocation. Even though marriage is not out of the cards, deep down it is not something that I feel called to.
 
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timber501 said:
Despite having success in Corporate America, my view on life has completely changed and I don’t value what I once did - money & being successful in business.
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As luck would have it, I’ve been searching for a rich benefactor to adopt me 😁 So, pass your worldly success onto me and I shall manage your estate while you go into a monastery!
 
Welcome to the Forum!

Single life is very much a vocation. So don’t discount it.

I get where you’re coming from. I also had a return to the church after 15 years away…at the same age bracket too.

Not knowing how long you’ve been back to the church, I do want to offer this advice: take your time. There is no rush, despite what age limits they may tell you. We are on God’s time, not ours.

Religious life is unique. And every Order, every monastery does things differently. As far as your concerns about your parents go, wait it out a bit. Don’t worry too much about it in your initial discernment. It should be a secondary or even tertiary concern at this point. If/when you decide religious life may be a serious invitation from God, and you decide to explore it further by contacting a monastery, and discuss the possibility of a vocation with someone there, you can bring it up with whatever other questions and concerns you may have. Some may be able to assist with this, some may not. I can’t speak for them. But I do know my own order has helped friars and their families out by assigning them to ministries near their parents so they could take care of them. Most Religious communities recognize that when they accept a candidate, they accept the whole package that individual brings…health issues, personality, and of course family. We’re not cloistered so I’m not sure how it would be different, but it’s definitely a topic best left to discuss with the community itself. If you go with the benedictines, the Abbot/Abbess will have final say. If you are at this stage of your discernment, you can ask how they’ve handled the issue when it’s come up before…and I’m sure it has, unless they’re a brand new community.
 
If you try the religious life, I’d be cautious. Many find it not to be as expected. Also, make sure your finances are not compromised by the venture. If they are, you could find yourself painted into a corner and at the mercy of the community you’ve joined. This is not just my opinion, it’s based on what I actually seen in the Church.
 
Many religious congregations open their own retirement/nursing centers to the parents of members (and, sometimes, other seculars). It is a question to ask when you are discerning. If they do not, see if there is a home run by the Little Sisters of the Poor, the Carmelite Sisters for the Aged and Infirm, or the Carmelite Sisters of the Divine Heart of Jesus near where they live (or where your possible community is). All have primary ministries in taking care of the elderly, so that would be an option should your parents need it in the future. In other words, being an only child is not a serious impediment to religious life.
 
Do not discount living with your parents. St Catherine of Siena lived at her home as a Dominican tertiary.
 
Celibacy is a vocation.
there are saints who have chosen celibacy in the world by refuting both religious life and marriage.
Saint Catherine of Siena is without a doubt the most famous
 
Celibacy as vocation is undoubtedly the most thankless situation, that is probably why very little adheres to it.
It is indeed a situation in which there is no official recognition neither in society nor in the Church, and being totally ignored on all sides does not delight many people. This is why it is rare to see someone who could very well marry or enter a religious life, deliberately choose celibacy in the world.
 
Good to know there is no rush to make a decision and communities are different. Takes some of the edge off.
 
Given what you said, I’d probably consult a lawyer before entering so I don’t put myself in bad situations if the community or monastic life didn’t work out.

I’m assuming that you can put your assets in say a savings account before entering right?
 
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Many communities would not accept you as a novice with such reservations.
 
@PapyrusDouay,

I’ve been looking through the forums and even instigated a thread, but how do you know that Single-Life is a vocation?

I’ve been getting conflicting information. Primarily, outside of the internet, I’ve been told Single-Life actual is a vocation. However, online redirects and replies have told me otherwise.

@timber501,
I can feel where you’re coming from. Although I’ve never left the church, I have experienced certain ebbs and flows with my relationship with God and how intense I express that relationship.

HOWEVER, I’ve noticed that since working at this one At-Risk high school for 4 years, it has been wearing on my spirit. I’ve become angrier and bitter, starting cursing, and my body is breaking down (high blood pressure, fibroids, depression).

To counter the negativity of my secular life, I’ve remained loyal to my parish by being a Eucharistic Minister and Proclaimer, in addition to being a catechist for Confirmation. I feel safe in church, but surviving the weekdays are difficult.

…@timber501, what is it about the Benedictine life that allows you to feel that your thoughts and actions will align to God? To what he wants you to live your life?
 
timber501 said:
I’ve thought about nothing but religious life (Benedictines) for the past few weeks and know that single life is not a vocation. Even though marriage is not out of the cards, deep down it is not something that I feel called to.
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God bless you for responding to His call to center your life around Him, rather than around yourself and the world! This is a fantastic conversion.

Discernment of religious life is a long and careful process. You can start by involving yourself in a Benedictine community near you, and begin spiritual formation as an Oblate. In this way you can pursue your pull toward this spirituality without making immediate changes in your living/working situation.
 
Don’t worry about the 35 age limit. Many monasteries only set that as a guideline and can easily make exceptions.

Start discerning. Don’t ignore a strong inspiration to look into religious life.

Also, spend time in Eucharistic Adoration. That is how best to hear what God is saying.
 
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God deos not call everyone to be consecrated or married. Therefore, it IS a vocation, though it often may not feel like one.

Every person ever created has a vocation from God.
 
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whatever you do, dont let the vocation concern overtake the priority of growing in virtue and in relationship with God. on the contrary, the vocation grows out of building a relationship with God. Seek, but stay grounded on living the gospel where you are. and abandon yourself to God’s providence.
May God bless you !
 
thecommongentry said:
…@timber501, what is it about the Benedictine life that allows you to feel that your thoughts and actions will align to God? To what he wants you to live your life?
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I lean towards Benedictines and also Camaldolese (as I learn more about them) because of their contemplative nature.

Monastic life will limit distractions and create structure where there is a constant focus on god. Right now, I don’t have that structure currently as I basically forget about god during the work day due to high pressure environment. I also like the community aspect of the monastic life, which will helps progression of faith and battle through spiritual droughts.
 
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