Vocation=NO women?

[fiat1122]

All, your opinion. If a guy is thinking of a priestly vocation, but is STILL NOT in a seminary/is a lay man, is it wrong to have one or two female friends/women, who one hangs out with in a possitive way, there have been no affections, no inuendos, etc. and the guy takes them to church, calls them on the phone, helps them with problems etc. is this BAD, should the guy worry about what others think here, as per some people immediately think sex and attraction, i.e. they “project” their own filthy thoughts?

 

[Flopfoot]

There is nothing wrong with a guy having women as friends - even if he is in the seminary already or even a priest. Everyone needs friends, and just because a friend is of a different gender doesn’t necessarily mean you are discerning marriage with them / or acting innappropriately with them.

If someone is just thinking of going to seminary but hasn’t made up his mind yet, then it is even okay for him to have a girlfriend. Only thing is, though, that if he does have a girlfriend he needs to be giving her his loyalty and giving her a fair go rather than ‘cheating’ on her by seriously considering priesthood while going out with her…

Summary - have as many friends as you like but only ever discern 1 vocation at a time.

 

[Caesar]

As long as it’s not a sexual relationship, it’s quite fine to have friends who are female.

 

[LSK]

I would think that such relationships could help a man truly discern a vocation to the priesthood. As our pastor, Father Illo says, “I am married to the Church…but somehow, as a parish priest, I ended up with about 80 wives! How did THAT happen?”

Now, before you all get all silly on me - he is kidding and refering to all the women in the parish who love the priests enough to tell them how to take care of themselves, i.e. eat right, get rest, blah blah blah…he might even say he has about 80 MOTHERS along with Our Lady herself!

 

[FrDominic]

As priest or religious, how can you serve God’s people well without having a good and healthy relationship with women and men?

 

[Em_in_FL]

All, your opinion. If a guy is thinking of a priestly vocation, but is STILL NOT in a seminary/is a lay man, is it wrong to have one or two female friends/women, who one hangs out with in a possitive way, there have been no affections, no inuendos, etc. and the guy takes them to church, calls them on the phone, helps them with problems etc. is this BAD, should the guy worry about what others think here, as per some people immediately think sex and attraction, i.e. they “project” their own filthy thoughts?

This isn’t wrong, even for a priest!
Priests are people too… they’re allowed to have FRIENDS (as long as, of course, it doesn’t become exclusive and sexual)…

 

[EBSSTF4]

My mother still attends regular dinners with one of our former (he was transferred) Priests. If a Priest has a problems socializing with women he most likely choose the wrong vocation.

This may be more Important before hand, to insure the decision to become a priest is the correct one.

 

[fiat1122]

Thank you all, please continue to reply. As per I at times feel a stupid guilt over this which I should not, maybe because i worry to much of what those out in society with filthy minds may be thinking.

 

[BLB_Oregon]

Thank you all, please continue to reply. As per I at times feel a stupid guilt over this which I should not, maybe because i worry to much of what those out in society with filthy minds may be thinking.

Today’s priests put on their Roman collar and get dirty looks over the abuse scandal, which they had nothing whatsoever to do with. You are never going to stop what dirty or disapproving minds think, no matter what your vocation is. They did it to Jesus, they did it to John the Baptist. You aren’t any different.

It is a good idea not to spend time together in situations where an illicit affair could be conducted. It is too tempting and can give scandal to otherwise reasonable people. This is true of any man with a female friend who is not his wife, though. Those who would take scandal at the mere fact that you have female friends are not reasonable.

Frankly, I would be a little wary of a priest who only socializes with men. There isn’t anything wrong with doing all socializing with women in mixed company, but a priest needs to be able to connect on a personal level with everybody.

 

[mommyof4]

All, your opinion. If a guy is thinking of a priestly vocation, but is STILL NOT in a seminary/is a lay man, is it wrong to have one or two female friends/women, who one hangs out with in a possitive way, there have been no affections, no inuendos, etc. and the guy takes them to church, calls them on the phone, helps them with problems etc. is this BAD, should the guy worry about what others think here, as per some people immediately think sex and attraction, i.e. they “project” their own filthy thoughts?

Personally, I was friends with a guy in college who was a preseminarian. He was a great guy to hang around with. There was no problem with scandal (that I know of), and we had good times. Twenty years later, he is now my parish priest. I love that one of my friends became my priest and confessor.

 

[fiat1122]

Personally, I was friends with a guy in college who was a preseminarian. He was a great guy to hang around with. There was no problem with scandal (that I know of), and we had good times. Twenty years later, he is now my parish priest. I love that one of my friends became my priest and confessor.

This is so great! AWWWWWW

 

[mommyof4]

Personally, I was friends with a guy in college who was a preseminarian. He was a great guy to hang around with. There was no problem with scandal (that I know of), and we had good times. Twenty years later, he is now my parish priest. I love that one of my friends became my priest and confessor.

The nice thing is that I can’t BS the guy. He knows me too well. He has some insights into my past, my behavior, etc. It’s great.

 

[CatholicMC]

You’re not a seminarian until you enter seminary and you’re not a priest until you’re ordained.

Why would normal, non-sexual contact with women be a bad thing? If anything it seems as though it would be healthy for the man in question.

 

[mommyof4]

I also think that the more healthy relationships you build with women, the better you will understand them. And that will make you better able to minister to women once you are a priest.

 

[fiat1122]

I also think that the more healthy relationships you build with women, the better you will understand them. And that will make you better able to minister to women once you are a priest.

Thank you, all please keep posting advice, I am still in this dilema.

 

[Crumpy]

Thank you, all please keep posting advice, I am still in this dilema.

I am puzzled by your contradictory statements. On the one hand, you worry about the people with “filthy minds” and thoughts, but you also seem to be worried about any relationship between unmarried men and women.

Perhaps your confusion would be handled best by sorting these out and working through each one.

 

[Ryan_Smith]

If anyone would question the motives behind a friendship between a seminarian and a woman they need to examine their own hearts as to why they assume that all relationships between a man and a woman lead towards sin.
However, if the seminarian does develop romantic love towards this woman he will need to look deep into his heart to determine whether his vocation is true and at that point he may need to “cool off” the relationship if it is decided that the vocation is valid.

 

[fiat1122]

I am puzzled by your contradictory statements. On the one hand, you worry about the people with “filthy minds” and thoughts, but you also seem to be worried about any relationship between unmarried men and women.

Perhaps your confusion would be handled best by sorting these out and working through each one.

It is pretty obvious you did not get my question here.

 

[fiat1122]

If anyone would question the motives behind a friendship between a seminarian and a woman they need to examine their own hearts as to why they assume that all relationships between a man and a woman lead towards sin.
However, if the seminarian does develop romantic love towards this woman he will need to look deep into his heart to determine whether his vocation is true and at that point he may need to “cool off” the relationship if it is decided that the vocation is valid.

Amen:thumbsup: