Vocation to religious life for those with SSA

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

Nobody is “discerning” religious life in their teens now days. In order to enter virtually any Seminary (at least in the States abd Canada) one has to have already obtained their Bachelors Degree. You do NOT normally earn a degree in your teens.

It is not like the old days (like when I went to Seminary), where you went right after 8th grade. They take adults now, people that know pretty much who and what they are.

I am amazed that some posters appear to not know that this is the case.

There are college seminaries at many universities that also have a major seminary.

 

[formerlysure]

I may be using a broader definition of the word “discern” - meaning considering, mulling over, praying about, investigating. Of the three young men I knew as a teenager and in my early twenties who entered seminary, all three had been going through this process at least since they were in high school, one after his grade school principal first mentioned the priesthood as an option when he was in 6th grade. I do understand that the process must become more formal and guided upon entry to seminary, but clearly great consideration, which a lay person might call “discernment” precedes the decision to go into seminary. I am a lay person so apologize if I got the vernacular wrong.

The more important point I was making is that I think there is a risk to assessing the depth of same sex attraction in a person who is not absolutely clear on their sexual identity, and I personally think that a great many people who speak of their homosexuality as a “tendency” or “some attraction” may not be done figuring it out. Dare I say, most people are either gay or straight - not a lot of gray area in between. I don’t those who offer a grayer-area story are being dishonest, just that they are likely not done coming to terms with their sexual identity. Age is helpful to many, but I think particularly for a devout Catholic, coming out is excruciatingly difficult and even a man of 25 may not be able to fully cme to terms with it.

 

[KarrollKid04]

That’s not the job of a vocations director.

A vocations director works with those who feel called to the organization (diocese or religious community) he works for, he does not help one discern a call except for a calling to his group.

If you do not meet the criteria for entry into his group he would not spend the time working with you.

A spiritual director is the one who guides a person through vocational discernment as well as general growth in the spiritual/prayer life.

I did not mean to suggest that a vocation director could become your personal spiritual director. Rather, if the OP is interested in a particular order, he should talk with the vocation director and be completely honest with him/her regarding his SSA. Then, even if the vocation director believes that the young person is not fit for the order, I highly doubt the vocation director will just throw you out the door. He/she may still have good vocational advice and may be able to direct you to a regular spiritual director.

 

[Jack_Bauer]

But avoiding members of one’s own sex is not the way to heal SSA. Modern approaches acknowledge the need for chaste same-sex friendships. The Catechism acknowledges this.

A person with SSA in the army is living in close proximity to other men on a daily basis. It is very similar to religious life. The same could also be said of the police I think.

If a person with SSA is living with other male friends in a shared apartment, then all the same temptations may arise for that person that could also be found in a monastery.

The brotherhood to be found in a monastery could be just the thing to bring healing to a person with SSA. I understand that some would then say that religious life is not a hospital for sick people (of which SSA-persons could be so termed), but rather a school for those who wish to be perfect. I’m just having trouble accepting that this problem of SSA is any more problematic than any other problem a person might have, such as an inclination to fornication, drinking, drug use, etc… or even just the usual anger and other sins of ordinary people.

Wrong! After living in a Benedictine monastery for a year and knowing about people before and after my time, I can affirm the need to control the sexual tendencies of those allowed to enter. I was a seminarian and can affirm that about a 3rd to a half had SSA tendencies out of 98 seminarians. Some of the predators in the seminary were monastics. Having SSA tendencies is a affliction that should be avoided at all cost. The Church should allow happily married men, beginning with active permanent deacons before allow persons with SSA. As far as religious life, Absolutely not. Military life with persons of any kind of sexual promiscuity made life very difficult for me just trying to survive the prison sentence. If a soldier has an issue with a superior that is sexually promiscuous, guess what happens when you report it? Nothing good comes from those afflicted with SSA in the sense that they are capable of servicing others without stumbling. The cost of stumbling is far greater among SSA than OSA persons living chastely. Further, the priesthood is already feels effeminate far more than it should be.in my opinion. I look for real men to confide in and confess my sins. Those men with a weak moral compass tend to tear down the Church and thus the Body of Christ. There is more harm than good done. Besides, if my children decide the religious life, the least we can do for them is make sure they don’t have to fight for their virginity in the seminaries, monasteries and convents.

 

[nonames]

I did not mean to suggest that a vocation director could become your personal spiritual director. Rather, if the OP is interested in a particular order, he should talk with the vocation director and be completely honest with him/her regarding his SSA. Then, even if the vocation director believes that the young person is not fit for the order, I highly doubt the vocation director will just throw you out the door. He/she may still have good vocational advice and may be able to direct you to a regular spiritual director.

It’s been a concern of mine for some time now that if I was to approach the vocations director for an order, having talked with him, I could then incur a ‘black mark’ which would stay with me for life and ruin any future prospects of religious life. Say I approached an order, the VD rejected me, and then a year later I approach another order, who ask me did I ever approach any other orders? I say yes, they rejected me…Any thoughts on this?

 

[twohearts14]

But avoiding members of one’s own sex is not the way to heal SSA. Modern approaches acknowledge the need for chaste same-sex friendships. The Catechism acknowledges this.

A person with SSA in the army is living in close proximity to other men on a daily basis. It is very similar to religious life. The same could also be said of the police I think.

If a person with SSA is living with other male friends in a shared apartment, then all the same temptations may arise for that person that could also be found in a monastery.

The brotherhood to be found in a monastery could be just the thing to bring healing to a person with SSA. I understand that some would then say that religious life is not a hospital for sick people (of which SSA-persons could be so termed), but rather a school for those who wish to be perfect. I’m just having trouble accepting that this problem of SSA is any more problematic than any other problem a person might have, such as an inclination to fornication, drinking, drug use, etc… or even just the usual anger and other sins of ordinary people.

If you’re looking for friendships to ease the burden of loneliness and perhaps promote healing, I can empathize. Have you considered that maybe you are not attracted to the same sex, you’re just lonely? Sometimes loneliness comes out in the form of SSA. If that were the case, that loneliness could cause SSA, then maybe living in a monastery could help. But, it would be much better to try and cultivate friendships with good Catholic friends.

 

[twohearts14]

It’s been a concern of mine for some time now that if I was to approach the vocations director for an order, having talked with him, I could then incur a ‘black mark’ which would stay with me for life and ruin any future prospects of religious life. Say I approached an order, the VD rejected me, and then a year later I approach another order, who ask me did I ever approach any other orders? I say yes, they rejected me…Any thoughts on this?

I don’t think you would incur a black mark. Religious orders reject a person for various reasons. For example, maybe a person is too old, or too young or too sick, etc. Another religious order might have different qualifications and would be willing to accept that person. What would probably matter more is what you do and how you act. For example, if you keep entering religious orders, leaving, and then applying to other religious orders, vocation directors might brand you with a black mark for that.

That’s just my opinion. I’m considering the religious life but I don’t know everything yet. God bless.

 

[nonames]

If you’re looking for friendships to ease the burden of loneliness and perhaps promote healing, I can empathize. Have you considered that maybe you are not attracted to the same sex, you’re just lonely? Sometimes loneliness comes out in the form of SSA. If that were the case, that loneliness could cause SSA, then maybe living in a monastery could help. But, it would be much better to try and cultivate friendships with good Catholic friends.

Yeah I am lonely. I have no male Catholic friends my own age in my own town. I have some older friends but they are not young as I am. Being Catholic here is quite lonely in so much as one is on one’s own - just oneself and God. Now whilst God is enough, it would be nice to have friends.

 

[KarrollKid04]

It’s been a concern of mine for some time now that if I was to approach the vocations director for an order, having talked with him, I could then incur a ‘black mark’ which would stay with me for life and ruin any future prospects of religious life. Say I approached an order, the VD rejected me, and then a year later I approach another order, who ask me did I ever approach any other orders? I say yes, they rejected me…Any thoughts on this?

My best advice would be to trust in God, and trust that He will work through your vocational director. Although a rejection from an order might be a terrible disappointment, it may also mean that God has something better in store for your life. Humility here is the key. As for the issue of loneliness, try to get involved at your parish or a Catholic organization in your area. And pray to God, asking Him to send people into your life with whom you can form healthy relationships. You will be in my prayers.

 

[Te_Deum]

Nobody is “discerning” religious life in their teens now days. In order to enter virtually any Seminary (at least in the States abd Canada) one has to have already obtained their Bachelors Degree. You do NOT normally earn a degree in your teens.

It is not like the old days (like when I went to Seminary), where you went right after 8th grade. They take adults now, people that know pretty much who and what they are.

I am amazed that some posters appear to not know that this is the case.

I’m a teenager (though I’ll be twenty shortly) without even a high school diploma currently discerning a possible calling to the religious life. Please do not make broad generalisations.

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

I’m a teenager (though I’ll be twenty shortly) without even a high school diploma currently discerning a possible calling to the religious life. Please do not make broad generalisations.

I think what was meant is that no religious institute or diocese are actively discerning with individuals in their teens.

Also in the United States when we say teens we usually mean minors, that is individuals under the age of 18.

 

[Te_Deum]

I think what was meant is that no religious institute or diocese are actively discerning with individuals in their teens.

Also in the United States when we say teens we usually mean minors, that is individuals under the age of 18.

Ah, that explains it, just a misunderstanding.

 

[twohearts14]

Yeah I am lonely. I have no male Catholic friends my own age in my own town. I have some older friends but they are not young as I am. Being Catholic here is quite lonely in so much as one is on one’s own - just oneself and God. Now whilst God is enough, it would be nice to have friends.

I feel the same way. I’ve got some friends who are older and younger than me, but there are few who are just my age. It makes me feel sort of lonely too. I also wish I knew more girls who are considering religious life. I’ve met so many boys who want to be priests, but I have no idea where the girls are.

Are you still in high school, or have you graduated? You might apply to some Catholic colleges. There’s lots of young people there who love God like you do. You could make tons of friends.